DTBL episode 59: Poolside Rendezvous

[rayluxyacht]

POOLSIDE RENDEZVOUS

The show opens on a long shot of the house. The scene changes to the interior, where we see the housemates, minus Foxxy and Hero, gathered under the stairs, sitting in the nest of beanbag chairs.

Spanky: Hey, guys. When we were on that cruise, did I make a joke about the poop deck?

Toot: No.

Wooldoor: Pretty sure you didn't.

Spanky: Dammit!

The door opens. Foxxy and Hero walk in. The latter is holding Ricky.

Foxxy: Hey, y'all!

Wooldoor: Do we know you?

Spanky: Where you been, Foxxy?

Foxxy: Oh, we just got back from shopping. We went to Baby Gap.

Spanky: Baby Gap? That's not fair. You should have told us! Clara might have wanted to go shopping for Ling-Ling there! (He begins rolling on the floor laughing.)

Ling-Ling: (whispering to Clara) Carla, how honorable pig demon know we-

Clara: It's a joke, Ling-Ling.

Ling-Ling: Oh.

Marty: So what'd you buy?

Foxxy: We got this adorable little onesie for Ricky. Check it out, y'all!

Hero turns Ricky around. Ricky has on a onesie that says "I'm hung like Daddy!"

Toot: Um... wow.

Wooldoor: It's beautiful!

Marty: They sell those at Baby Gap?

Foxxy: Baby Gap... Spencer's Gifts... we got it at one of the two places, I don't remember which.

Clara: Well, um... that's very nice, Foxxy. Or... something.

Spanky: (walking up to Ricky and looking at the onesie) So... (He looks at Hero.) He's hung like his father, huh?

Hero: (beaming) That's right!

Spanky: Well, what do you know? (He turns back to the others.) Hey, everyone! Captain Hero has a baby-sized winky!

While the others laugh, Foxxy looks annoyed and Clara looks confused. Hero is very noticeably irritated.

Hero: That's not true, Spanky! And I'll prove it! (He pulls his pants down.) See?

Clara: (rapidly covering her eyes) Dammit, Spanky!

Toot: Wow! (Suddenly she realizes something.) Why am I acting so impressed? It's not like I haven't seen it a jillion times!

Hero: It's just as majestic on the jillion and oneth time!

Foxxy: Ain't that the truth! And... while we were out, we also got Ricky his first bathing suit! Look!

Foxxy holds up the suit. It is blue with Hero's logo.

Clara: Wow. Pretty.

Hero: I think they were some kind of merchandising tie-in. We also found a string bikini with Foxxy's logo on it! (He holds up the bikini.)

Xandir: Ooh! Gimme! (He grabs the bikini out of Hero's hand.) Well, I know what *I'm* wearing to the pool next time!

Toot: Hang on a second. Let me take a closer look at that swimsuit. (She walks up to the swimsuit Foxxy is holding. She reaches her hand out and strokes the suit with her hand.) Yep, that's what I thought. That's a speedo.

Foxxy: Right. And?

Marty: Hold on a second! (He gets up.) You bought your one-year-old son a speedo? Don't you think that's a little... advanced for his age?

Toot: I'll tell you one thing. If that kid is wearing a speedo out in the pool, he sure won't need that onesie to let people know he's hung like his daddy!

Marty: That's right!

Hero: What's the big deal? *I* was wearing a speedo at one! Of course, that was mainly because it was time for swimming lessons and my first taste of morning wood had ripped a big hole in my regular swim trunks and there wasn't time to go buy another pair so I had to borrow my dad's speedo.

Marty: Hang on a second. Your dad wears a speedo?

Spanky: You got morning wood at one?

Toot: You slept in your swim trunks?

Clara: Guys! Let's forget all that! All of us seem to be ignoring the important issue here!

Spanky: Which is...

Clara: That Captain Hero is still standing here naked! (Without looking at Hero, she throws a blanket at him.) Cover up, you freak! (Hero tries to catch the blanket, but drops it.)

Wooldoor: You know what, guys? I just realized something. We were hanging out on the beanbag chairs today because we hadn't done that in a long, long time. Well, you know what else we haven't done in a long, long time?

Clara: Gone the entire day without being naked in the living room once?

Wooldoor: No! Well... yeah, that too. But I was talking about swimming! We haven't hung out by the pool in ages!

Toot: Hey, yeah! That sounds like a great idea! Why don't we go do that right now?

Clara: Ooh. That does sound fun! But let's do it this afternoon. I need to go to the store and get some more sunblock.

Spanky: Hey, Clara, while you're there, could you-

Clara: Oh, Spanky, don't!

Toot: And I need more pads!

Wooldoor: Edible undies! Edible undies!

Clara: Oh, come on! Can't somebody else go get that stuff this time?

Spanky: But... you know where they keep it now!

Clara: I really don't feel like humiliating myself again.

Foxxy: Clara... all you have to do is say-

Cut to the store. Clara lays a jar of ball cream, a box of pads, and one of all the other embarrassing items she was forced to buy last time on the counter, along with a small bottle of sunblock.

Clara: Drawn Together.

Cashier: Gotcha, ma'am.

The cashier begins casually ringing up Clara's purchases. The scene fades.

CUE OPENING TITLES

The scene changes to the pool area. Everyone is gathered around, all wearing swimsuits. Clara sits on a deck chair under an umbrella reading a book. Ling-Ling lies on a blanket on the ground next to her, wearing sunglasses and attempting to sunbathe. Toot and Marty sit on deck chairs opposite each other having a conversation. Foxxy sits next to the pool putting water wings on Ricky. Xandir stands behind a grill cooking meat. Hero and Wooldoor are in the pool splashing around. Spanky walks up to Clara.

Spanky: Hey, Clara. Can you help me with something? (She looks at him, clearly pleased to be asked.)

Clara (in confessional): I was so flattered that out of all the people here, it was me that Spanky came to for help!

Spanky: Clara, I think I have a hemorrhoid. (He drops his swim trunks and bends over.) Could you check it out for me? (The smile leaves Clara's face.)

Clara (in confessional): Goddammit, how come they always come to ME for help with this crap?

Clara: Spanky, shouldn't Wooldoor do this? He IS your doctor.

Spanky: He's my regular doctor. But he isn't my ass doctor.

Clara: I'm not your ass doctor either, Spanky!

Spanky: I thought friends were supposed to help each other in need. It doesn't seem like you're trying to be a very good friend, Clara.

Clara: (sighing) Spanky, if I do this... do you promise to wear pants in the living room at all times this entire week?

Spanky: True friendship shouldn't come with strings, Clara.

Clara: (returning to her book) Well, if you're not concerned about your hemorrhoid...

Spanky: Okay, fine! (Clara puts her book down and bends over in Spanky's direction.)

Clara: And if you dare fart on me-

Spanky: I know, I know. (Clara sighs again and squints her eyes.)

As Clara checks out Spanky, Hero and Wooldoor walk up to them.

Hero: Hey, guys? If nobody's going swimming for the moment, Wooldoor and I thought we'd string a net over the pool and play water volleyball. Anybody else want to play?

Clara: Not right now. Maybe later.

Toot: That's okay.

Spanky: Sure, I'll play. (He looks at Ling-Ling.) Ling-Ling?

Ling-Ling: Ling-Ling play sport where he could possibly get mistaken for ball? Ling-Ling pass.

Spanky: With all due respect, Ling-Ling, you might be the same size as the ball, but you're a completely different color. It would be hard to mistake you for the ball.

Ling-Ling: Maybe now. But as game go on and water get in pig demon eyes, mix-up became increasingly likely to occur!

Spanky: (to Hero) So he can use phrases like "increasingly likely", but he still hasn't mastered personal pronouns yet? (Hero shrugs.) Okay, fine. It'll just be us, then.

Hero: But Spanky, wait! We need one more player or the teams will be uneven!

Spanky: Really? There's you... me... Wooldoor... Richard Nixon... and Hans the six armed circus freak. I guess you're right, that's five people. We need one more so the teams will be even. (He looks at Marty.) Marty? You want to play?

Marty: Not right now, Spanky.

Toot: Marty and I are going to have sex later and I don't want it to shrink in the cold water!

Hero: Ooh. (He turns to Foxxy.) Foxxy, you and *I* were going to have sex later too. Maybe I shouldn't-

Foxxy: Hero, even if it did, yours would still be PLENTY big enough!

Hero: (beaming) Das right!

Spanky: (to Hero) You told her to say that, didn't you? (Hero feigns ignorance. Spanky shrugs it off.) Okay, well, since we're left with an odd number of players, I guess we'll have to forget water volleyball and play something lame, like water polo.

Wooldoor: Or we could play Marco Polo!

Toot: I wouldn't recommend that. Remember what happened last time you guys played Marco Polo?

Cut to a flashback of the guys playing Marco Polo. Spanky and Hero hide while Wooldoor, eyes closed, swims around.

Wooldoor: Marco!

Xandir: (rushing up excitedly) Is Marco here? Where is he, where is he? (He looks at Wooldoor angrily.) I don't see him, Wooldoor!

Wooldoor: If my eyes weren't closed, I would totally be rolling them right now.

Cut back to the present.

Hero: I don't see why we can't go ahead and play water volleyball. Ricky can be our sixth person!

Spanky: (laughing) That's a good one, Hero! Ricky can play with us!

Hero: Why is that so funny?

Spanky: Because, Hero! He's one! I bet he can't even swim!

Hero: Oh, yeah? I bet he can!

Spanky: Oh really? (Hero nods.) You want to make it interesting?

Hero: No, I'd rather keep it boring.

Spanky: We'll put Ricky in the water and try to make him swim, and if he can... I'll let you spend the night with my wife. But if he can't... then *I* get to spend the night with Foxxy!

Hero: Spanky, be serious. I'm not going to let you have Foxxy, even if it's just for a night.

Spanky: Well... that would only be a problem if you lost. So I take it you're not as confident about winning as you let on previously?

Hero: I'm going to win this bet, Spanky. No matter what the stakes are.

Spanky: Well, then...

Hero: But even if I won... which I will... the only prize I get is having sex with your wife?

Spanky: You saying she's not attractive?

Hero: Yes. I'm saying she's not attractive. And besides, I don't want to cheat on Foxxy.

Foxxy: (offscreen) Das right!

Spanky: Okay. Instead of my wife, we'll make it my mom! (Hero raises his brows, intrigued.)

Foxxy: (offscreen) No!

Hero: Sorry, Spanky. I have to go with Foxxy.

Spanky: Okay, how about this? Instead of bringing the wives into this... the loser... has to perform oral sex on the winner. Right here in front of everybody!

Clara: Though I reserve the right not to look at it.

Hero: (turning to Foxxy, still offscreen) What do you say, Foxxy? Can I let Spanky blow me?

Foxxy: (offscreen) As long you promise not to enjoy it.

Hero: (turning back to Spanky) You're on, pig! (They shake on it, then turn away from each other.)

Hero and Spanky: (simultaneously) Sucker!

They walk back over to the pool where Wooldoor and Nixon are setting up the net.

Wooldoor: The net's almost set up, you guys. Did you find another player?

Spanky: Oh, yeah. We did. (He snickers.)

Wooldoor: Who is it? (Spanky keeps snickering. Wooldoor becomes distressed.) Oh, no. It's not Strawberry Sweetcake, is it? Dammit, Spanky, I told you to keep her the hell away from me!

Spanky: No, no. It's not Sweetcake. Not this time. It's- (He snickers again)- Ricky! Apparently. (He continues snickering.)

Wooldoor: Ricky? Can he swim?

Hero: He sure can, guys! Just watch!

Hero takes hold of Ricky and prepares to put him in the water. Foxxy hurries around to Hero's side of the pool.

Foxxy: Hero, if Ricky can't swim, you'd better be prepared to-

Hero: I know, Foxxy. I'd better be prepared to suck Spanky's weiner. Trust me, Foxxy, I'm not overly worried about it.

Foxxy: I was going to say... you'd better be prepared to pull Ricky out of the water before he drowns.

Hero: I know! (He pauses for a moment.) I was going to do that too. (He pauses again.) Before the sucking.

Foxxy: Okay.

The scene changes back to Clara, Toot, and Marty.

Toot: So what are you reading, Clara?

Clara: It's this weird book I found at the Christian bookstore. I think it's some kind of lame attempt to cash in on the Twilight craze but still keep it kind of Christian.

Marty: What's it called? (He looks at the cover.) "Left Behind With a Bunch of Vampires and Werewolves and Falling in Love with One of the Vampires but Remaining True to My Beliefs and Converting Him to Christ." Wow.

Toot: For what it's worth, I'd still read that over the original Twilight.

Marty: Same here.

Toot: Hey, don't let Xandir see you with that!

Clara: I know. Given how worked up he gets over anything Twilight-related, he'd either harass me over it or try to steal it from me so he can write fanfiction of it!

Xandir (in confessional): I fail to see how going through all my copies of the Twilight books and whiting out all mentions of Bella's name and replacing them with "Xandir" makes me obsessive! If I was truly obsessive, I would have whited out Edward's name and replaced it with Fernando! I actually only ended up doing that with my first copy of the first book... (He sighs and becomes wistful)... before I discovered Edward's true beauty. (He sighs again.)

The scene changes back to the guys. Ricky's head is in the water, and he is blowing bubbles.

Hero: Well, he's blowing bubbles in the water. That means he isn't drowning. And he does seem to possess the ability to stay afloat.

Spanky: Yeah, but... I don't think that counts as swimming.

Hero: How would you define swimming, then?

Spanky: He needs to move his little arms and legs and use them to propel his body through the water. That would be swimming.

Wooldoor: I don't think he can do that. His arms and legs are still so short, I don't think they can displace enough water to help him move.

Ling-Ling: (offscreen) That what Ling-Ling try to tell Sockbat that time!

Wooldoor: Ling-Ling has the right idea. Instead of trying to play an active role in the plot, I should just stay offscreen and shout random things at the people onscreen!

Ling-Ling: (offscreen) Sockbat go screw self!

Wooldoor: Thanks, Ling-Ling, I think I will! (He gets out of the pool and leaves.)

Clara: (offscreen) Ewww! Wooldoor, not here!

Hero: Come on, Ricky! Just move your little arms and legs and swim! (Ricky begins moving his arms and legs.) See there? He's doing it! He's doing it!

However, instead of moving through the water, Ricky merely sinks further down without making any horizontal movement at all. He continues flailing about underwater, but makes no progress. Hero reaches down and grabs Ricky, pulling him to the surface. Ricky, smiling happily, splashes Hero in the face with water. Hero looks perplexed.

Spanky: Oh, yeah. He's doing it. (He gives Hero a quick pat on the back.) I'm going to go over there for a bit. You get your mouth limbered up. I'll be back.

Spanky leaves. Hero, slightly annoyed, watches Spanky walk away. The scene changes back to the group on the other side.

Toot: I saw this book in the bookstore once. It was a combination of Twilight and The Rules. It was called "The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Being an Annoying Whiny Mary Sue Wannabe Who Never Does Anything And Forms Abusive Relationships With Supernatural Beings and the Audience Is Supposed to Not Only Be Okay With This, They'll Sympathize With You and Adore You for It."

Clara: Oh, that's a good one.

Toot: There was another one which was a combination of Twilight and The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. It was called "The Sisterhood of Women Who Get It on With Vampires and Werewolves and Then Switch Pants With Each Other."

Clara: Don't think I saw that one.

Toot: And there was another one that combined Twilight with Bridges of Madison County. I don't know what the plot is, but... worst tub scene EVER!

Clara: I guess I'll skip that one, then.

Toot: These Twilight jokes doing anything for you?

Clara: Yeah, they're not bad.

Toot: We should hang out sometime.

Clara: We should.

The scene changes to Xandir at the grill. Spanky walks up to him, with Wooldoor right next to him.

Wooldoor: Wow, that's a nice, juicy weiner!

Xandir: I'm cooking hamburgers.

Wooldoor: I know!

Toot walks up.

Toot: Did somebody mention weiners?

Spanky: You like weiners, Toot?

Toot: I do!

Wooldoor: You like them with... mustard? (He grins at her.)

Toot: (confused and worried about what Wooldoor might be implying) Yes...

Spanky: You like weiners with... chili? (He grins at her.)

Toot: Yeah, as long as it's the kind that has meat in it. (Spanky's grin grows even wider.) Um, can I change my answer to no?

Xandir: You know, now that I'm thinking about it, I'd love a nice, juicy weiner myself.

Toot: Me too!

Spanky: (pulling his swim trunks down) I got yer weiner right here!

Xandir: Oh, thanks, Spanky! (He grabs Spanky's weiner.) Now we can put this on the grill right away! (He yanks Spanky's weiner in the direction of the grill, but Spanky jerks away in terror.)

Spanky: Ahhh! What the hell are you doing? (He quickly pulls his swim trunks back up and backs away. Wooldoor casually walks off in the other direction. Once Spanky is away from Xandir, he looks straight ahead and pauses for a moment.) I wonder if that counts as scoring.

Hero (in confessional): With Spanky away doing... um... whatever it was he was doing, we momentarily had four volleyball players, so we decided to go ahead and play a little.

Cut back to the guys playing the game. Hero and Wooldoor are on one side, with Nixon and Hans on the other. They are batting the ball back and forth.

Wooldoor: I still don't see why Richard Nixon can't come over to our side so the teams can be even! (He hits the ball.)

Hero: They're even now, Wooldoor.

Wooldoor: No, they're not! Our side collectively has four arms, and theirs has eight! (Hero hits the ball.)

Nixon: (as Hans hits the ball) Yes, Wooldoor, but Hans's extra arms don't help him play volleyball!

Wooldoor: (hitting the ball) Actually, they do. Since he has four hands free, he can play volleyball continuously without having to take a time out to go masturbate!

Hans: It's true. (He turns to Nixon.) You take this next hit, Dick. You're in better position. (Nixon hits the ball back.) Ohhhh yeah. And they said it couldn't be done in cold water!

The ball comes back to Hero and Wooldoor's side.

Wooldoor: I've got it!

Hero: No, I've got it, Wooldoor!

Wooldoor: No, *I've* got it, Hero!

Hero: No, *I've* got it, Wooldoor!

Wooldoor: No, *I* do!

Hero: No, *I* do!

Wooldoor: I do!

Hero: I do!

Wooldoor: On a side note, I'd like to point out how nice it is of the ball to disregard the laws of physics and stay in the air long enough for us to have this argument.

Hero: I should take this one, Wooldoor. You can't hit the ball as hard as me.

Wooldoor: I can't, huh? Watch me!

The ball finally comes down. Wooldoor rares back and strikes it with all his might. The ball flies way off to the other side of the pool.

Marty: (offscreen) Owwwwww!

Wooldoor: Whoops. Sorry, Marty! (He turns to the others.) Shall we continue, then?

Nixon: How? We don't have the ball.

Wooldoor: That's okay. I'll just go grab Ling-Ling.

The scene changes to the side of the pool.

Marty: Owwwwwww!

Toot: Oh, man. Right in the groin! That is not cool!

Clara: Are you going to be okay, Marty?

Marty: Yeah, I think so. (He is still very clearly in pain.) Eventually. Owwwwww!

Spanky: Oh, come on, don't be a baby about it! Get up, man! Walk it off!

Toot: Spanky, don't be so insensitive!

Clara: Yeah, Spanky! Marty could be seriously hurt down there!

Toot: Yeah! There could be... damage.

Spanky: So what? You're not having babies anytime soon, are you?

Toot: Well... no. I guess not. (She pauses again. By this point, a thought has clearly entered her head.) Maybe. I don't know. (She quickly shakes it off.) The point is, he's hurt and you shouldn't be mocking him!

Spanky: Fine. Fine.

Ling-Ling: (offscreen) No! Sockbat put Ling-Ling down! Ling-Ling not be ball for stupid pool game!

Wooldoor: (offscreen) Aw, man!

As Toot continues to comfort Marty, Spanky picks up the ball and turns to the people playing the game.

Spanky: Put Ling-Ling down, Wooldoor. Here's your ball back!

Wooldoor: Thanks, Spanky! (Spanky heaves the ball.) You missed! Wow, Spanky, that was a terrible throw!

Xandir: (offscreen) Ow, my ass!

Spanky: (quickly turning to Xandir) Xandir, why are you screaming about your ass? It hit you in the shoulder!

Toot: Spanky, don't you know? It doesn't matter where Xandir gets hurt- he always feels it in his ass.

A montage begins to play. The first thing we see is a guy punching Xandir in the face.

Xandir: Ow, my ass!

The next thing we see is Hero, Spanky, and Wooldoor in the living room playing with Legos. Xandir, barefoot, walks across the floor and steps on a Lego. He grabs his foot and begins hopping in pain.

Xandir: Ow, my ass!

The next thing we see is Xandir standing in the bathroom, holding a hair brush and looking at Spanky.

Spanky: Xandir, your hair looks stupid. (Xandir begins weeping.)

Xandir: (sobbing) Oh, Spanky, that's such a mean thing for you to say! (He sobs some more.) So painful for me to hear that! (He sniffles a little more.) Ow. (He continues sobbing.) My ass. (He breaks down crying. Spanky gets a regretful look on his face and puts his arm around Xandir in an attempt to apologize.)

The scene changes back to the present. Spanky, ball back in hand, walks back over to the pool. Wooldoor, by now back in the pool, and Hero are both standing in the pool happily rubbing their nipples.

Wooldoor: You were right, Captain Hero, this is fun!

Hero: I told you!

Wooldoor: Look at this! I can fondle all my nipples with separate hands, unlike some people around here!

Spanky looks straight ahead, doing a slow burn. Wooldoor, oblivious, continues. The camera cuts over to Hans. He is playing with his nipples as well, but looks sad.

Hans: Damn! I wish *I* had six nipples to fondle!

Spanky: (getting into the pool and trying to change the subject) Anybody feel like getting back to the game?

Wooldoor: No, we'd rather do this.

Spanky: Fair enough. (He suddenly looks down. His brow wrinkles. A confused and worried look crosses his face.)

Wooldoor: What's the matter, Spanky?

Spanky: Something's wrong, you guys.

Wooldoor: What is it?

Spanky: My crotch looks all weird. It looks so... unsucked! (As he looks up at Hero, his expression quickly changes to a grin.)

Xandir: (offscreen) I'll suck it for you, Spanky!

Spanky: (calling to Xandir) No thanks!

Wooldoor: Seriously, I need to start yelling stuff from offscreen! I bet it'd be hilarious!

Hero: So that's what this is about.

Spanky: Come on, Hero. You lost the bet. It's time to pay up.

Hero: (looking at Spanky curiously) You're serious? You seriously want me to do that?

Spanky: Yes! We made a bet and you lost! The bet was that you'd suck my weiner, so now you have to suck my weiner!

Hero: Oh, get serious, Spanky! I'm not going to suck your weiner!

Spanky: Excuse me?

Hero: I'm not going to suck your weiner, Spanky.

Spanky: Not going to- we had a bet!

Hero: I know.

Spanky: You lost!

Hero: I know. I'm still not going to do it, though.

Spanky: Hero, how can you possibly justify your position?

Hero: Well, I just got to thinking about it, Spanky, and it occurred to me that sucking your weiner... would be kinda gay.

Spanky: No, it wouldn't! How would that be gay?

Hero: For one man... to touch another man's weiner... that's gay.

Spanky: Even if he's just doing it to pay off a bet?

Hero: Well...

Spanky: And even if neither of them enjoy it?

Hero: So you're saying you wouldn't enjoy it at all?

Spanky: Not at all!

Hero: Then... why do you care if I pay up?

Spanky: Well, because... I just like seeing you squirm, okay? I won the bet, so I get to watch you humiliate yourself in front of everybody, so that everybody in this house will know that Spanky is the man. THAT... is fun for me.

Hero: So you'd still be enjoying it.

Spanky: Yeah.

Hero: So it's gay.

Spanky: It's not gay! (He pauses for a moment.) And besides, so what if it was? The point is, you lost, you have to do it. End of story.

Hero: Well, here's the sequel. I'm not going to do it. End of THAT story.

Spanky: Well, here's the special limited edition director's cut with the brand new ending. You're-

Hero: No!

Spanky: Goddammit!

Fuming, Spanky gets out of the pool and stalks off. The others resume playing the game. The scene changes to the other side of the pool.

Marty: Toot... I want to ask you something. About what Spanky said earlier.

Toot: Okay, see, he asked me if I liked weiners. And I said yes, thinking he meant hot dogs, but the joke was that he actually meant penises. Then he asked me if I liked weiners with chili. Well, *I* was thinking of actual chili, but *he* meant-

Marty: Not that. What he said about we're not going to be having babies anytime soon.

Toot: Oh, that. That was just a joke. You know? Cause babies come from sperm, and he had just hit you in the testicles with a volleyball, so he was implying that you wouldn't be able to-

Marty: No... I know it was a joke. But when he said that... you kind of hesitated answering him. Is this... something you've thought about? (Toot becomes very hesitant, not quite sure what to say next.)

Toot (in confessional): The truth was... I had thought about it. Quite a bit, in fact. But I wasn't sure if the time was right, or if we were ready... or even if Marty was on the same page as I was. I wasn't even sure in my own mind how I felt about it, and I was afraid to bring the subject up with Marty for fear he'd think I'd suddenly gone baby crazy. Plus, Clara and Ling-Ling had been trying for quite a while and it hadn't happened for them yet... I kind of felt like they deserved to go next. But if Marty wanted one NOW... (She takes a deep breath.) I guess the time had come to talk to him.

Toot: Well, yeah... a little.

Marty: I see.

Toot: But Marty, I promise you, I am NOT going to pressure you about this! I'm still not even sure if I want one! Or if I do... if I want one right now!

Marty: (confused) Okay...

Toot: Okay, I'll try to keep it simple. Yes, I've thought about it. But I don't know what I want yet.

Marty: I see.

Toot: Do you know what you want?

Marty: Well... not really.

Toot: Not really, meaning... you don't want one?

Marty: No, not really, meaning I don't know yet.

Toot: Ah.

Marty: I mean... okay, yeah. I think I do want one.

Toot: Really?

Marty: Yeah. At some point.

Toot: But you don't know if you want it right now or not.

Marty: Right.

Toot: Yeah... that's kind of the way I'm leaning right now too.

Marty: Yeah.

Toot: Well... we could always leave it to chance. (Marty looks at her questioningly.) Well, what I mean is... we won't actively *try* for it. But I can stop taking my birth control for a bit and just kind of leave a window where it *could* happen.

Marty: Well, if you're not taking birth control at ALL, then...

Toot: It wouldn't be a permanent thing either way. I'd maybe do something like, one week out of every month, I'd stop taking it. Give it just a little window where it could happen. And if it happens, then we'll take that as a sign that it's meant to be.

Marty: Well... that might work. It would spare us from having to make this decision. Plus, if it actually happened, it wouldn't be totally out of the blue.

Toot: Yeah. (She pauses, then looks at him.) So you want to do that, then?

Marty: I don't know. Maybe. I'll have to think about it.

Toot: But- the point of doing it that way is so we won't have to think- never mind. Go on and think about it, Marty. I'll do the same.

Marty nods and turns away, lost in thought. Toot begins thinking to herself as well. At that moment, Spanky walks up to Marty.

Spanky: Hey, Marty! You wanna play volleyball?

Marty: Wouldn't that make the teams uneven?

Spanky: No. Nixon hurt his ankle and he has to sit it out for a while. And I'm too mad about Hero being a little bitch right now to concentrate on the game, so there's just three at the moment. So if you want to go join them, you're welcome.

Marty: Hero's being a little bitch? What's he-

Spanky: Don't ask!

Clara: Heed his words, Marty. You don't want to get drawn into this.

Marty: Sounds good.

Spanky: So you want to play?

Marty: No, thanks, Spanky. I kinda got something on my mind at the moment.

Spanky: Oh? What's the matter? You're not worried about shrinkage, are you?

Marty: No.

Ling-Ling: (suddenly piping up) If Marty penis did shrink, how could they tell? (He begins rolling on the ground laughing and kicking his feet the same way he did in "Captain Hero's Marriage Pact".)

Toot: Um... Ling-Ling, do you know what they say about people who live in glass houses?

Ling-Ling: In Asia people live in paper houses!

Spanky: Would it be mean at this point to point out that Ling-Ling's is still smaller than Ricky's?

Clara: Yes.

Ling-Ling: Oh, come on, people! This Ling-Ling's only shot to make fun of someone else's member! (A look of disappointment crosses his face.) Awwww. This more embarrassing than time Ling-Ling was public flasher!

Cut to a city street. Ling-Ling is walking down the street wearing a trenchcoat. He comes upon a group of attractive young women. With a wide grin on his face, he stops in front of the women and opens his coat wide. The women look at him. For a brief moment, they are scared, but very, very quickly, their fear changes to confusion. They look very intently at Ling-Ling's exposed frontal area.

Woman: (looking all over Ling-Ling's front side) Where is it? (Ling-Ling, very unamused, closes his coat.)

The scene changes back to the present. Foxxy walks up to the group holding Ricky.

Foxxy: Hey, y'all. I got to thinking about it and I think maybe y'all are right. We should get Ricky a regular swimsuit. Does anybody want to go to Baby Gap with me after we're done hanging out by the pool? (She looks at Clara.) Clara?

Clara: Ha ha. Very funny, Foxxy. No, I don't need to go buy more clothes for Ling-Ling right now, thank you very much.

Foxxy: Suit yourself. (Clara suddenly looks up from her book for a moment. A very thoughtful look is on her face. She sighs.) What is it, Clara?

Clara: Oh, I just got to thinking. The day that God does finally see fit to put me with child... wouldn't that be fun? The three of us could all go to Baby Gap together to shop for our little ones!

Toot: Now hold on a minute, Clara. Marty and I aren't even sure we want one yet.

Clara: I meant for your husband!

As Toot and Marty look mildly annoyed, Clara begins laughing hysterically. She and Ling-Ling high five each other.

Wooldoor (in confessional): I scored. With Hero. In the pool. A lot. And we did pretty good at the game, too. (He immediately throws his arms in the air in triumph.) Oh yeah! Go me! (He immediately calms back down.) But we did end up doing really well in the game.

The scene changes back to the volleyball game. Hero and Wooldoor are on one side. Foxxy, who has now joined the game, is playing with Hans on the other side. The players continue to hit the ball back and forth.

Foxxy: (hitting the ball) So Hans... you still kidnapping children?

Hans: No, I've gotten out of that business. (Hero hits the ball back over the net. Hans returns it.) I was trying to kidnap what I thought was this little girl, but it turned out to be a midget. She told me she was under 18, I swear! (Wooldoor hits the ball. Foxxy hits it back.) I was so embarrassed by the incident that I decided to take a hiatus from child molesting. I have a new gig now. Kidnapping and molesting members of Congress! And sometimes, just for fun, I like to forge $2-off coupons to save money at my local grocery. (Hero hits the ball back.)

Foxxy: (returning the hit) You sure you should be telling us all this, Hans? After all, you are currently in a pool with a licensed mystery solver, a superhero, and a... (she turns to Wooldoor) Wooldoor, is fake cop one of your fake professions, by chance? (Hero hits the ball back.)

Wooldoor: Fake security guard. But close enough.

Hans: (as Foxxy returns the hit, Hans speaks to Foxxy very softly) I can also forge lottery tickets...

Foxxy: So Hans, would you like to stay for dinner tonight? (Hans nods.)

The scene cuts to Toot and Marty walking over to a distant corner of the pool area.

Toot: So why are we going over here, Marty? Are we going to do it? (Toot quickly glances off to the side.) Cause it looks like we're right in Clara's line of sight. Of course, it's been a couple of days since I've shocked her with explicit sexual activity, so I guess it's about time to go again. (Toot begins wriggling out of her swimsuit.)

Marty: No, Toot, it's not that.

Toot: Oh, it isn't? (She replaces her swimsuit.) Oh.

Marty: I'm trying to figure out what to do about this baby issue. I figured if we were kind of off to ourselves, it might be easier for us to think about it and talk about it.

Toot: You're probably right. (She pauses.) Marty... I don't know if this is me getting caught up in the moment, but... the more I think about it, the more I'm starting to feel like I want one. (She looks at him.) You think maybe I'm getting carried away?

Marty: I don't know. Maybe.

Toot: Do you not want one?

Marty: Well... kind of. But I'm not sure if that's me earnestly wanting a kid of if maybe now that I know you might want one, if I'm subconsciously trying to please you.

Toot: Wow... you know what I'm thinking now?

Marty: What?

Toot: That both of us seem to be reeeeeeeally overthinking this issue.

Marty: Maybe. (He pauses.) But it IS a big issue. Too much thought is better than not enough.

Toot: True. (Both are silent for a moment, thinking. Toot then looks at Marty.) You know...

Marty: What?

Toot: Maybe before we talk about it, we should each do some thinking on our own about the matter. See if we can settle how we feel in our own minds first, and then get back together and make the decision.

Marty: You could be right. (He pauses for a moment.) Okay. We'll both do some more thinking about this. Then we'll talk again.

Toot: Yeah. I think that might be a good idea.

Marty: So... I wonder if Xandir is finished with those weiners yet.

Toot: Oh, Xandir's NEVER going to be- oh, you didn't mean penises. You meant hot dogs.

Marty: Yes.

The scene cuts to Xandir at the grill. Toot and Marty walk up.

Toot: Hey, Xandir! Can I have a penis?

Xandir: Um, what? (He pauses for a moment.) Um, did you mean to say weiner?

Toot: No, I meant to say penis. (Spanky walks up behind Toot.) See, if I had asked you for a weiner, Spanky would have butted in to say "I got yer weiner right here!", the joke being that he's construing weiner to mean penis when we all know that I actually meant a hot dog. So I figured that I'd go ahead and SAY penis to short-circuit the whole routine! (Spanky's mouth hangs open in annoyance.)

Xandir: Oh, I see! Very clever!

Toot: Thanks!

Spanky: Toot, you suck!

Toot: I know! (She smiles and looks at Spanky.) Too bad I wasn't the person you made that bet with, huh? (Spanky scowls. He says nothing, but gives Toot a look of death. Toot, unaffected, turns to walk away, waving to Spanky.) Toodles!

Toot and Marty walk away. Xandir continues cooking meat. Spanky, still fuming, walks over to one of the deck chairs and sits down next to Nixon.

Nixon: Hey, Spanky. What's going on?

Spanky: Not much, Dick. Ankle feeling better?

Nixon: A little bit. (He looks over at Xandir, who blows a kiss. Nixon smiles and waves back. Spanky sees it. He turns to Nixon, puzzled.)

Spanky: Did Xandir just blow you a kiss?

Nixon: Oh yeah. You didn't know we were dating, did you?

Spanky: I didn't. So... why are you dating Xandir?

Nixon: To be honest, Spanky, she's the first woman I've met in ages who reminds me of Pat.

Spanky: Well, she reminds me more of Amy Carter, but that's just me. (Nixon nods. Spanky sighs, still thinking about something.)

Nixon: What's bothering you, Spanky?

Spanky: Oh, I'm still thinking about that bet I made with Hero. This thing is really pissing me off!

Nixon: If you want, I can put a tap on Hero's phone for you.

Spanky: Thanks, but I don't think that'll help.

Nixon: Plant documents in Ricky's crib establishing a link to the Communists?

Spanky: No, thanks.

Nixon: I hear that Wooldoor tape records all of his office conversations. If we could get hold of those while he's playing around in the pool and edit them-

Spanky: I just want a particular person to blow me. I don't think there's anything in your political career that would help me get oral sex.

Nixon: That's where you're wrong, Spanky. You're forgetting my legendary Checkers speech!

Spanky: Your Checkers speech? Well, yeah, that was awesome, but what did it have to do with getting oral?

Nixon: After I gave that speech, my wife Pat-

Spanky: She was so emotionally overcome that she decided to give you whatever you wanted in bed that night, which turned out to be oral sex?

Nixon: No. After I gave that speech, my wife Pat was so angered that I would stoop to such shameless emotional manipulation that she got all pissed off and spent the night at her mom's house. So fortunately, she wasn't around to object when Eisenhower came over later to pay up on the bet he made me over whether or not I could make Khrushchev cry with a televised speech!

Spanky: Ah. Well, I don't think that will help me here. See, I already won the bet. The problem is that I can't get the guy I made it with to pay up.

Nixon: That is a tricky one, Spanky. I'll have to do some thinking on the issue. Or maybe set up a slush fund to hire a special brain trust to do the thinking for me.

Spanky: Thanks, Dick.

Nixon: Don't mention it.

Spanky: So Dick... just exactly what the hell is a "Republican cloth coat" supposed to be, anyway?

Nixon: I don't know. I was totally talking out of my ass then.

Spanky nods. Suddenly, a thoughtful look crosses Spanky's face.

Spanky: (to himself) Hmmm... an idea is beginning to form. I wonder if it would work.

Cut to Spanky by the side of the pool holding his megaphone from his days as a hostage negotiator.

Spanky: (into the megaphone) One other thing I probably should tell you because if we don't, they'll probably be saying this about me too. We did get something- a gift- after the bet. The guy down the street heard my wife Xandir in that one episode mention the fact that our son Wooldoor would like to have a dog. And, believe it or not, the day before we left to go to our vacation at Dollywood, we got a message from Petco on Sumner Street saying they had a package for us. We went down to get it. You know what it was? It was a little orange dog in a crate that he'd sent all the way from Asia.

Ling-Ling: Ling-Ling not dog, dammit!

Spanky: (into the megaphone) And our little boy Wooldoor named it Checkers. And you know, the kids, like all kids, love the dog and I just want to say this right now, that regardless of what they say about it, we're gonna keep it.

Hero: Go ahead and keep Ling-Ling, Spanky.

Spanky: (putting down the megaphone) Checkers.

Hero: Whatever. Doesn't make any difference to me!

Spanky: But... there's something else I haven't told you! (He picks up the megaphone again.) Checkers is a very happy, loving dog. But he has a fatal disease. Herpes. I don't know. But the point is... Checkers is dying.

Wooldoor: Oh, no!

Spanky: (into the megaphone) Unless... Hero sucks on my weiner. That'll somehow cure Checkers's cancer.

Foxxy: Herpes.

Spanky: Right.

Hero walks up to Spanky in a determined fashion. Wooldoor grabs Hero's leg pleadingly.

Wooldoor: Please! Please don't let Checkers die, Mr. Hero!

Hero pulls Wooldoor off his leg and throws him into the pool.

Wooldoor: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! (We hear a very loud splash.) It's not so bad.

Hero: Spanky, do you really think I can be fooled by this?

Spanky: You've been taken in by dumber stuff.

Hero: True. Well... okay. Fine, Spanky. You win. I'll do it.

Spanky: Really? (He pumps his fist in triumph.) Yes! I knew I could make you do it!

Hero: If you're really, really that determined to be gay about this, then fine. I'll take pity on you.

Spanky: Pity? Excuse me? We made a bet and I won. There's no pity involved. And for the record, this does NOT make me gay!

Toot: Actually, Spanky, it kinda does.

Spanky: What? No! It does not!

Foxxy (playing with Ricky in the water): You know... we have seen you in women's clothes an awful lot.

Spanky: That's my wife!

Foxxy: Be that as it may.

Spanky: Okay, maybe it's gay on HIS end (points to Hero), but not on mine!

Clara: You're receiving oral sex from another man.

Spanky: Right, but all oral sex is is just a mouth. It's just a mouth! Men and women both have mouths... so it's all the same from my perspective.

Toot: So instead of him giving you oral sex... why don't you just kiss Hero on the mouth?

Spanky: Huh?

Toot: You said it was just a mouth. If that's the case, then kissing Hero on the mouth would be the same as kissing your wife!

Wooldoor: (offscreen) Kissing Spanky is already the same thing as kissing his wife! Oh yeah! Go me!

Spanky: You're missing the point, Toot. You're all missing the point. The point is that it shouldn't matter why I want this. The fact of the matter is, we made a bet and he lost. He owes it to me to make good on it.

Clara: Okay, Spanky... so you're saying that if you had lost, you'd have sucked Hero's weiner? No arguments?

Spanky: Absolutely! I'd have sucked Hero's weiner right on the spot without another word said.

Toot: And of course, with Spanky now having said that, we change our focus to...

Foxxy immediately bursts onto the scene very excitedly.

Foxxy: Ooh! Ooh! Look at that, y'all! Look at that! (Everyone looks toward the pool. They are very surprised.)

Clara: Wow, Foxxy! Is he-

Foxxy: He is! Ricky is actually swimming, y'all!

Spanky: Oh, that is ridiculous! You faked that somehow. You probably put Ricky down in the water with a flotation device and told him to flap his little arms and legs around to make it look like he's swimming. You can tell he's not really swimming by the way he- (Spanky's look changes to one of dawning realization. His eyes glaze over, somewhat stunned.) The way he... is now doing laps around the pool. With times that would make Michael Phelps envious.

Hero: That's incredible, Foxxy! Do you suppose this means he has super powers?

Foxxy: Could be. Or it could just be that he's an exceptional athlete!

Hero: True. True. (Hero looks at Spanky, who is still watching Ricky with his mouth hanging wide open.) So... crazy how this developed, huh, Spanky? You know... when we first made the bet, I was planning all along to let you off the hook in case I won. (Spanky looks at Hero both in irritation and disbelief.) But now... knowing how strongly you feel about how the loser of a bet has such a duty to pay up... I couldn't let you sell out your beliefs like that. (Spanky shoots Hero a look that seems to say "You bastard!") I'm going to go grab a burger off the grill. Then I'll come back around so you can give me that oral sex like I know you're dying to do.

Hero walks away, leaving a very confused Spanky.

Wooldoor: (offscreen) Oh, that had to suck! Ha! I'm awesome!

Spanky continues to stare in disbelief. The scene changes to Toot, who is now in the pool.

Toot: So I'm still not sure what I really want. And Marty isn't either. What do you think we should do? (The camera pulls out to reveal that she is talking to Hans.)

Hans: I think you should definitely have a kid. Right away. More than one if possible. Like six. Six is a good number.

Toot: Thanks, Hans. Maybe I will. I don't know. (Smiling very largely, Hans nods. Toot looks down at her feet, trying to think. At that moment, a giant splash of water hits her in the face. She looks up.) Goddammit, who the hell did that?

Wooldoor: (walking past) Probably you, Toot. (He walks out of the scene.)

Toot: Goddammit, it was not me! The guys must be doing cannonballs in the pool or something! (She wipes her face off and looks around. A look of shock crosses her face.) What the hell? Ricky?

Foxxy: (walking up) Yeah! Isn't that great, Toot? Ricky's swimming now!

Toot: I know, Foxxy. I was there when you told us the first time. Damn, for a little kid, he sure generates a hell of a wake! (She looks up at Foxxy.) Foxxy, it's great that Ricky can swim, but I think it's time for you to teach your kid to respect other people's boundaries.

Foxxy: I have. But you know kids. They just like to run around and do what they like. When you're a parent, you just have to get used to having your life disrupted and always having to chase them down and pull them out of stuff they're not supposed to be getting into.

Toot: Yeah... I guess you do.

Foxxy: Here. I'll get Ricky out of the pool for you. It's about time for his nap anyway.

Toot: Thanks, Foxxy.

As Foxxy walks away to go get Ricky, Toot watches her walk away and pull Ricky out of the pool. Toot continues to look thoughtful. The scene changes over to Clara reading her book.

Wooldoor: (walking up to Clara) Clara, can you help me with something?

Clara: (putting her book down and turning to Wooldoor) Absolutely, Wooldoor. What is it?

He drops his swim trunks and turns around and bends over.

Wooldoor: I think I have a hemorrhoid. Can you check my butt for me?

Clara: Oh, fuck me!

Wooldoor: Please, Clara! Spanky told me you were real good at this sort of thing!

Clara: (sighing) Fine. But after this, I swear to God that I am not looking at anybody else's butt anymore for the rest of the afternoon!

Wooldoor: Okay! Thanks!

Clara quickly does the sign of the cross and leans over to check Wooldoor's butt. She puts her hands on his cheeks and begins to pull them apart.

Wooldoor: (seductively) I want you inside me!

Clara: (She draws away from him, shocked. She gasps in horror.) Wooldoor Sockbat, how dare you!

Wooldoor: Be quiet, Clara! I'm trying to have a conversation with this cookie! (We see that he is holding a cookie.) Quit interrupting me! (Clara shrugs in resignation. Wooldoor turns his attention back to the cookie. He speaks to it in a low, breathy voice.) I want you inside me, cookie! (Wooldoor puts the cookie in his mouth and begins eating it.) Ohhhh yeah! You like that, don't you, bitch? (As Wooldoor continues to chew the cookie, Clara looks straight ahead, stunned.)

At that moment, Hero walks onto the scene.

Hero: All right! Gather round, everybody! It's time for all of you to witness the first BJ that's been given at this pool since that time we had Kim Kardashian, the San Diego Chicken, and the Jonas Brothers over!

Xandir: That was one crazy Yom Kippur!

Everybody gathers around except for Spanky.

Hero: Come on, Spanky! We kind of need you for this part!

Reluctantly, Spanky gets up off the deck chair he is sitting on and walks over to Hero.

Spanky: I hope you realize that this makes you a complete jerk.

Wooldoor: (offscreen) Ooh! Them's fighting words!

Hero: Well, Spanky, seems to me like you're the one who'll be doing the jerking!

Wooldoor: (offscreen) Wow! Good one! Go Hero!

Spanky: Why are you insisting on this, Hero? Aren't you getting enough from your wife?

Wooldoor: (offscreen) Oh no he di'n't!

Hero: I'm not insisting nearly as hard as YOU were when you thought YOU'D won! So who's the one who's not getting enough at home?

Wooldoor: (offscreen) Yeah! You tell him, girlfriend!

Spanky: Hero... I need to be honest with you. I've been doing some thinking on the matter.

Wooldoor: (offscreen) Yeah! You're darn right you- wait. I can't really do anything with that one.

Spanky: The thought occurred to me that... well... can we really consider that swimming? I mean, yeah, he MIGHT have been swimming. But for all we know, the kid might just have had his super powers kick in right then and he wasn't really swimming so much as running on the water or something. Did you ever see that scene in The Incredibles when-

Hero: You're squirming. You're trying to put this off. I'm not going to fall for it, Spanky!

Wooldoor: (offscreen) You're darn right you're not!

Hero and Wooldoor: (simultaneously, to Wooldoor) Wooldoor, enough!

Wooldoor: (offscreen) Okay.

Spanky looks at Hero for a moment. Hero looks right back. Finally, Spanky sighs.

Spanky: All right. All right. Fine. I'll blow you. Okay?

Hero: Okay! So you ready?

Spanky: Yeah. I guess so.

Hero: All right, then! Let's go! (Hero drops his swim trunks.)

Clara: Permission to look away now?

Hero: Granted.

Clara averts her eyes. Spanky leans in toward Hero. He quickly does the sign of the cross.

Spanky (in confessional): Hey, I know I'm not Catholic, but the Muslims and the Jews don't have one of those! So... yeah. I did it. I didn't enjoy it. But... (With a grin on his face, he points toward the camera.) Ha! Look at that! By doing this confessional and briefly recapping what happened instead of actually showing it, I deprived all of YOU the opportunity of actually seeing it! Ha! So how do you like that?

The scene changes to a closeup of Hero's face. A stoic look is on his face.

Toot: (voice) Wow, we're actually witnessing Spanky right now in the process of doing it!

Spanky: (voice) Ah, crap!

Foxxy: (voice) Yeah, I didn't think he would!

Xandir: (voice) You call that a BJ? Please! My grandma gives better BJs than that! Um, that's just a generic insult, guys. I don't actually know from experience.

Hero: Okay. I think that's enough. You can stop now, Spanky.

The camera pulls back out. The crowd is still gathered around. Spanky gets back up.

Spanky: There. You won. I paid up. I'm done now.

Hero: You know what, Spanky?

Spanky: What?

Hero: You were right, Spanky. I guess it isn't gay. I didn't enjoy that at all.

Hero turns and walks away. Spanky stands there flabbergasted.

Clara: Goddammit, Hero! Swim trunks! (There is no response.) Can somebody take Hero his trunks to put back on? Please? (Foxxy picks up Hero's swim trunks and goes after him. Toot, Marty, and Xandir walk up to Spanky.)

Spanky: I don't believe it. Hero is such a douche! I try my damnedest and then he goes and tells me I'm bad at it? Come on! I was working my ass off out there! How dare he not like it! Pfft. Jerk.

Toot: Well, Spanky, I think that maybe you've learned a lesson here today. (Amazing Grace begins to play.)

Marty: Yeah. Don't make bets you're not prepared to pay up.

Toot: And especially don't make bets that involve sucking another guy's junk!

Spanky: Oh, what is with you people? (We hear a record needle scratch. Amazing Grace abruptly stops.) Geez! This show has more morals than a G.I. Joe episode!

Wooldoor: (suddenly appearing on the scene) And remember, kids. Don't play with electricity and brush your teeth every day! (He thinks for a moment.) Or... is it play with electricity every day and don't brush your teeth? I get confused.

Marty: So, Toot... you feeling like going and having that talk now?

Toot: Yeah. I'm ready, Marty.

Toot and Marty walk away. Spanky looks after them in confusion.

Spanky: Talk? What are they going to talk about?

Wooldoor: Probably you. (Spanky looks at Wooldoor.)

Xandir: (calling to them) Burgers are ready, guys! And I have a weiner too! (He giggles to himself.) Hee hee. That's a little joke I tell.

Spanky: Agggggh. I need a drink.

Spanky walks away. Wooldoor, Clara, and Ling-Ling walk up to Xandir to get some food off the grill. They begin eating.

Ling-Ling: Mmm! These good weiners, Xandir!

Xandir: Thanks, I know! Want me to put some mayonnaise on them for you?

Clara: Oy! Enough with the weiner jokes!

Xandir: Okay.

Wooldoor: Hey, guys. When we were all gathered around watching Spanky suck Hero's wang... did any of us make a joke about Spanky squealing like a pig?

Clara: No.

Wooldoor: Dammit!

The scene cuts over to Marty and Toot.

Toot: Well. So have you made a decision, Marty?

Marty: I have.

Toot: What's your decision?

Marty: I decided... that I'm going to leave it up to you!

Toot: (not amused) Marty, that doesn't really count as a decision.

Marty: I know... but it's difficult, you know? I mean, yeah, I'd like to have one eventually. But I also know that once we have one, it's totally going to take over our lives.

Toot: Probably.

Marty: And I'm not sure if I'm ready for that.

Toot: I see. Okay, then... so you want to leave it up to me, huh?

Marty: Yeah. So you know what you want?

Toot: I do.

Marty: And it isn't something lame like "*I'll* leave it up to *you*"?

Toot: No. It's an actual decision.

Marty: All right. (He pauses.) Go ahead, then.

Toot: Marty, just a moment ago, you said that once we have a baby, it's going to totally take over our lives. Well, I reached that very same conclusion myself a little earlier.

Marty: Oh?

Toot: I was swimming in the pool and Ricky splashed me. Foxxy had to come around and make him behave for me. She even said that that was a huge portion of what being a parent was all about. Constantly minding your kids and pulling them out of trouble.

Marty: Right. Well... I think I see where this is going.

Toot: So I think... that I'm ready. I want to have one. (Marty looks up, surprised.)

Marty: Really? You're not worried about having your life disrupted?

Toot: I was. But then I noticed how Foxxy reacted toward everything. When Ricky splashed me in the pool, she calmly swooped in like it was nothing, and then she went and got Ricky without seeming annoyed in the slightest. (She pauses.) She loves him. That kid means so much to her that she doesn't even care any longer about whether he's putting her out or how much work he takes. She doesn't even think about it. (She pauses again.) And that's what I want. I mean, yeah, our lives will be kind of in chaos to an extent. But for the chance to feel that kind of an emotional connection to somebody... I think it would be worth it.

Marty: Yeah... I see what you mean. I think you're right.

Toot: You know what, Marty? (She pauses again.) I *do* want one... but at the same time, I am still pretty young. We both are. So yeah, I definitely want one eventually. But I don't know if I'm ready just yet.

Marty: So... (He takes her hands.) How will we know? How will we know when we're ready, I mean?

Toot: I don't know. (Marty chuckles.)

Marty: So we're kind of back to square one, then.

Toot: (smiling) I guess we are. (Marty smiles back.) Oh, hell. We could always just do that thing we were going to do before.

Marty: What? You mean... leave it up to chance?

Toot: Yeah. Let's leave it up to chance.

Marty: Okay.

Toot: We'll let this be God's way of telling us when we're ready.

Marty: Yeah... okay. Yeah. I can definitely get on board with that. Okay, then! (Smiling, he looks at Toot.) We'll just leave it up to chance.

Toot: (very happily) Okay! Great! So we did it! We made a decision! Sort of.

Marty: Close enough for me!

Toot: So what do you say? Want to go grab some weiners?

Marty: Hot dogs? (She nods.) Sure!

The two of them get up and begin to walk over toward the grill. Toot puts her arm around Marty.

Toot: The more I think about it, the more excited I am about this idea. The day it happens for us will kind of be like winning the lottery!

Marty: I think our odds of getting pregnant are slightly better than that.

Toot: Even if you count all those dinky little two buck wins? (Marty shrugs.) Yeah, maybe. Yeah, I guess you're right. With the lottery, you've got to hope the random number god is on your side. With a pregnancy, you mainly just have to worry about your respective biologies working right!

Marty: Exactly. (They walk by the pool. They happen to notice that Hero, Spanky, and Wooldoor are playing ball again.) Hey, you know what, Toot? Before I get something to eat, I think I'll play a little volleyball with the guys. I wouldn't be able to eat and THEN get in the pool, that's for sure.

Toot: Not without incurring the wrath of 40 different G.I. Joe episodes! (He nods.) Okay, Marty. You have fun with the guys for a bit. I'll make sure there's plenty of food left for you when you're done.

Marty: Okay, thanks! (Marty climbs into the pool.) Okay, guys! I'm in.

Hero: Cool! You're on Spanky's team.

Marty: Great! So whose serve is it?

Hero: Mine. (He lifts the ball in the air.) Hi-yah!

Hero serves. The ball proceeds to strike Marty very hard in the crotch. He grabs his groin in pain. Toot covers her face with her hands in frustration.

Xandir: Ow! His ass!

Marty looks up. Hero gives an "I'm sorry" shrug. Marty sighs. The scene fades.

THE END