So its been a while & I found something special.
Oh wow its been such a while since I updated this Journal. I actually had fun reading back on a few memories that I completely forgot about.
Well Im gonna give you a run down of what has been going on since Sept.
Sept/Oct: School was actually the worst part of my day, I really couldnt take going and for the first time in my life I couldnt concentrate or get my work done. My marks were slipping and I was a student and person I did not want to be. All of my furture plans and dreams were blank and I felt so alone.
I slipped into a mild depression over the fact I no longer had a mom and the shock was over. Reality is a bitch. So I dropped out with full intentions of going back next semester. I just needed a break. When my grandma and mom passed away I was at school in 2 weeks and volleyball practice the week before. I was so in shock, but no one could tell. I wrote my aunt a letter explaining my decision and why and my intentions. I had already dropped out 2 weeks before without anyone knowing but my sisters so she had no control over it anyway. I would get up and go to the gym instead of school everyday. My Aunt approved and I would stay home during the day or do chours. I also HAD to get some conselling and therapy which I did and I feel a lot better. The days would be long though and I started to get reallly bored. It was my choice though and I had to deal. I felt like such a loser though, my family couldnt believe I dropped out. Of all people I wasnt the one anyone would think of. I also felt a bit of guilt considering the only promise my mom made me make her was to Finish School. I knew I was going to go back.
Also I started going to the chiropracter because my back and neck were so fucked over years of sports and small injuries that I just shook off. I almost cried when I got my X Rays back. No one wanted me to go to the Chiropracter because they think its all about craking your back which is completely false. I wouldnt go to my doctor because I dont take medication for anything, I dont believe in covering up the problem with painkillers. I want to the probled fixed from the roots and I wanted it done naturally. I was in sooo much pain every day and at night. The mornings were hell. I couldnt sleep more then 5 hours a night. I now go 3 times a week and had to take a break from Sports and Working out which I think added to the bad moods and depression. Its gonna be at least a year recovery process but I feel great and can workout again. I sleep in too which makes me so much happier.
My Christmas was gorgeous. It was my first without my mom but not as hard as I thought it would be. Christmas Eve was emotional for me but im so at peace that I was more happy that I knew she was happy. Christmas day we woke up and opened presents. I asked for nothing which made Christmas so much more exciting and I appreciated all I did get. My aunt made us a delious brunch consisting of Eggs, Bacon, Toast, Sausages, Grilled Cheese, French Toast, Ham and few more things I cant remember. On our way to my Aunt Wendy's house in ST Thomas for Dinner I stopped at my sisters house and opened a few presents there. My Aunt Wendy is a chef and this was the first year she was having Christmas at her house. I was so excited plus I havn't seen her a long while. It was the best dinner I have ever ate, everything was cooked perfectly! We couldn't have dessert until all the dishes were done. I was full anyway until I found out the dessert was homemade strawberry cheesecake!!!! I would kill over CHEESECAKE! I jumped up so quick and grabbed my cousins Andrew and Damaris to help me finish those damn dishes. It was so worth it. I had a huge bowl of cheesecake and I will never forget it.
New Years was sooo much fun! Ellicia and I headed over to Jen's house for a bit to say hey and see what was going on. For the countdown we ended up in Vic Park and ran into so many friends and I ran into soo many of my old beal friends wondering where the hell I've been and I really missed them. I was sooo happy. After that Ellicia and I hit up Bryce's Party on kipps that everyone was talking about. I didnt even get inside before I ran into an old friend Jim who happened to live there too. It was a nice surprise. So many people were there. I met a million people and ran into and chilled with so many old friends. It was such an amazing time, By far the best party Ive been too...that I remember. jk. I remember everything..i think...lol
This has been the best year so far of my life. I'm sooo happy, My griveing is at peace. I'm living in a gorgeous place with my Aunt and Cousins that feels like home for the first time in my life in 3 years. Im starting school again at Mother Teresa in February. My aunt is so excited I get to wear a little Kilt. I love Uniforms and think all schools should have them. I actually get a prom this year which upset me a little when I dropped out because none of my sister went to prom because they were at home with babies and I know they really would like me to go and experience it through me. My realtionahip with Ray just keeps growing. I workout again everyother day with Ellicia and we swim after and have sooo much fucking fun. I love her, she's amazing and so understanding and supporting. Its def a kind of sisterhood on some level. I've never had anyone there for me like she is :)
Wow I could probably keep going but I think I should pack my gym bag and get dressed.
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Well Im gonna give you a run down of what has been going on since Sept.
Sept/Oct: School was actually the worst part of my day, I really couldnt take going and for the first time in my life I couldnt concentrate or get my work done. My marks were slipping and I was a student and person I did not want to be. All of my furture plans and dreams were blank and I felt so alone.
I slipped into a mild depression over the fact I no longer had a mom and the shock was over. Reality is a bitch. So I dropped out with full intentions of going back next semester. I just needed a break. When my grandma and mom passed away I was at school in 2 weeks and volleyball practice the week before. I was so in shock, but no one could tell. I wrote my aunt a letter explaining my decision and why and my intentions. I had already dropped out 2 weeks before without anyone knowing but my sisters so she had no control over it anyway. I would get up and go to the gym instead of school everyday. My Aunt approved and I would stay home during the day or do chours. I also HAD to get some conselling and therapy which I did and I feel a lot better. The days would be long though and I started to get reallly bored. It was my choice though and I had to deal. I felt like such a loser though, my family couldnt believe I dropped out. Of all people I wasnt the one anyone would think of. I also felt a bit of guilt considering the only promise my mom made me make her was to Finish School. I knew I was going to go back.
Also I started going to the chiropracter because my back and neck were so fucked over years of sports and small injuries that I just shook off. I almost cried when I got my X Rays back. No one wanted me to go to the Chiropracter because they think its all about craking your back which is completely false. I wouldnt go to my doctor because I dont take medication for anything, I dont believe in covering up the problem with painkillers. I want to the probled fixed from the roots and I wanted it done naturally. I was in sooo much pain every day and at night. The mornings were hell. I couldnt sleep more then 5 hours a night. I now go 3 times a week and had to take a break from Sports and Working out which I think added to the bad moods and depression. Its gonna be at least a year recovery process but I feel great and can workout again. I sleep in too which makes me so much happier.
My Christmas was gorgeous. It was my first without my mom but not as hard as I thought it would be. Christmas Eve was emotional for me but im so at peace that I was more happy that I knew she was happy. Christmas day we woke up and opened presents. I asked for nothing which made Christmas so much more exciting and I appreciated all I did get. My aunt made us a delious brunch consisting of Eggs, Bacon, Toast, Sausages, Grilled Cheese, French Toast, Ham and few more things I cant remember. On our way to my Aunt Wendy's house in ST Thomas for Dinner I stopped at my sisters house and opened a few presents there. My Aunt Wendy is a chef and this was the first year she was having Christmas at her house. I was so excited plus I havn't seen her a long while. It was the best dinner I have ever ate, everything was cooked perfectly! We couldn't have dessert until all the dishes were done. I was full anyway until I found out the dessert was homemade strawberry cheesecake!!!! I would kill over CHEESECAKE! I jumped up so quick and grabbed my cousins Andrew and Damaris to help me finish those damn dishes. It was so worth it. I had a huge bowl of cheesecake and I will never forget it.
New Years was sooo much fun! Ellicia and I headed over to Jen's house for a bit to say hey and see what was going on. For the countdown we ended up in Vic Park and ran into so many friends and I ran into soo many of my old beal friends wondering where the hell I've been and I really missed them. I was sooo happy. After that Ellicia and I hit up Bryce's Party on kipps that everyone was talking about. I didnt even get inside before I ran into an old friend Jim who happened to live there too. It was a nice surprise. So many people were there. I met a million people and ran into and chilled with so many old friends. It was such an amazing time, By far the best party Ive been too...that I remember. jk. I remember everything..i think...lol
This has been the best year so far of my life. I'm sooo happy, My griveing is at peace. I'm living in a gorgeous place with my Aunt and Cousins that feels like home for the first time in my life in 3 years. Im starting school again at Mother Teresa in February. My aunt is so excited I get to wear a little Kilt. I love Uniforms and think all schools should have them. I actually get a prom this year which upset me a little when I dropped out because none of my sister went to prom because they were at home with babies and I know they really would like me to go and experience it through me. My realtionahip with Ray just keeps growing. I workout again everyother day with Ellicia and we swim after and have sooo much fucking fun. I love her, she's amazing and so understanding and supporting. Its def a kind of sisterhood on some level. I've never had anyone there for me like she is :)
Wow I could probably keep going but I think I should pack my gym bag and get dressed.
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