Restless Reminiscing....
Good VERY Early Morning or Late Night,
I can't sleep at all tonight, I even went to bed early at like 10:30PM.
I'm sitting here...with a glass of warm milk, I dunno if warm milk helps you sleep but I like to believe it.
I hate it when I can't sleep because I start to reminisce about the past. That of course leads to my mom. I miss her like crazy. I have no idea how I'm getting along without her, I don't know how I do it. I miss every little thing about her,, her green eyes and bright smile. I miss her yelling up the stairs EVERY morning, "Rachel!" Me grunting a "yea.." Her reply "You're up are ya?". Of course I was in a dead sleep before she yelled Rachel but I always was a light sleeper. Nothing annoys me more then the sound of an alarm clock. It was so easy to lay there for a couple extra minutes knowin your mom is going to bug you until you get up. I don't have that anymore, If I don't get up I miss school, If I miss school then I suffer my own consequences. I wouldn't have to go to school but personally I'm not that stupid. I know it's important, I promised my mom I would get an education, she didn't want us to struggle like her.
I feel like I'm living a different life just temporarily. I'm just going to Beal and living in London until she comes back and we all go live happily again in St Thomas. I don't feel at home here even though I am with my sisters and family. I lived almost my whole life in St Thomas on Gladstone. That is my home, I feel robbed of it. I miss my friends and school there so much. I never thought I'd feel pain like this at such a young age. My mom was the only person who knew me, we'd talk. I know talking doesn't sound all that great to you but do you talk to your mom? Like really talk about what's important to you and what means the most in your life? I hardly ever fought with my mom, yeah she worried a lot but she always let me make my own decisions so I would learn for myself. I wish I could be little again, the little where everything is innocent and the days feel like they last forever. The little where the only thing you're worried about is how to get out of having a bath tonight. I miss the 4 hour drives to nowhere and the trips to the zoo's. I miss the storybooks before bed and the smell of breakfast waking me up. I went from 15 to 35 in one year.
I'm suppose to be skateboarding to Cowan Park to meet my old friends to play basketball until its so dark outside that we can no longer see where the ball is. Once I was done playing I'd realize how sore I actually was and how bad my feet were throbing. I didn't care at the time though, basketball was the only thing I loved more then anything, it still is....I just almost hurts to play now beacsue basketball was so much of my past and my mom would be at every game and always bring me tacos or burgers which I never ate. I'd alway give them to my baller boys..lol.
My mom was my everything, I always reminded everyone of her. My Grandpa makes up excuses for me to go visit him like to help him with his camera or new computer, I always agree but I know it's because I remind him of her. My grandma passed away 2 weeks before my mom, she was right, she honestly couldn't bare to lose a child.
Now that Spring is coming and the warm weather is on its way it seems to be getting harder to live without her. I don't know what I'm going to do when I look outside and she won't be there with her feet up on the wooden railing of our porch eating countless watermelon. I never knew I'd miss someone so damn much. I'll survive because one day I'll see her again.
I feel a lot better now, maybe I should try to sleep....
Mom, "I'll Love you forever, I'll like your for always
As long as I'm living, My Mama you'll be."
Luv, Rachel.
I can't sleep at all tonight, I even went to bed early at like 10:30PM.
I'm sitting here...with a glass of warm milk, I dunno if warm milk helps you sleep but I like to believe it.
I hate it when I can't sleep because I start to reminisce about the past. That of course leads to my mom. I miss her like crazy. I have no idea how I'm getting along without her, I don't know how I do it. I miss every little thing about her,, her green eyes and bright smile. I miss her yelling up the stairs EVERY morning, "Rachel!" Me grunting a "yea.." Her reply "You're up are ya?". Of course I was in a dead sleep before she yelled Rachel but I always was a light sleeper. Nothing annoys me more then the sound of an alarm clock. It was so easy to lay there for a couple extra minutes knowin your mom is going to bug you until you get up. I don't have that anymore, If I don't get up I miss school, If I miss school then I suffer my own consequences. I wouldn't have to go to school but personally I'm not that stupid. I know it's important, I promised my mom I would get an education, she didn't want us to struggle like her.
I feel like I'm living a different life just temporarily. I'm just going to Beal and living in London until she comes back and we all go live happily again in St Thomas. I don't feel at home here even though I am with my sisters and family. I lived almost my whole life in St Thomas on Gladstone. That is my home, I feel robbed of it. I miss my friends and school there so much. I never thought I'd feel pain like this at such a young age. My mom was the only person who knew me, we'd talk. I know talking doesn't sound all that great to you but do you talk to your mom? Like really talk about what's important to you and what means the most in your life? I hardly ever fought with my mom, yeah she worried a lot but she always let me make my own decisions so I would learn for myself. I wish I could be little again, the little where everything is innocent and the days feel like they last forever. The little where the only thing you're worried about is how to get out of having a bath tonight. I miss the 4 hour drives to nowhere and the trips to the zoo's. I miss the storybooks before bed and the smell of breakfast waking me up. I went from 15 to 35 in one year.
I'm suppose to be skateboarding to Cowan Park to meet my old friends to play basketball until its so dark outside that we can no longer see where the ball is. Once I was done playing I'd realize how sore I actually was and how bad my feet were throbing. I didn't care at the time though, basketball was the only thing I loved more then anything, it still is....I just almost hurts to play now beacsue basketball was so much of my past and my mom would be at every game and always bring me tacos or burgers which I never ate. I'd alway give them to my baller boys..lol.
My mom was my everything, I always reminded everyone of her. My Grandpa makes up excuses for me to go visit him like to help him with his camera or new computer, I always agree but I know it's because I remind him of her. My grandma passed away 2 weeks before my mom, she was right, she honestly couldn't bare to lose a child.
Now that Spring is coming and the warm weather is on its way it seems to be getting harder to live without her. I don't know what I'm going to do when I look outside and she won't be there with her feet up on the wooden railing of our porch eating countless watermelon. I never knew I'd miss someone so damn much. I'll survive because one day I'll see her again.
I feel a lot better now, maybe I should try to sleep....
Mom, "I'll Love you forever, I'll like your for always
As long as I'm living, My Mama you'll be."
Luv, Rachel.