The writing is what turned me off so long ago. I didn't get far enough along to get into the meat of the story, but the ridiculous overuse of thesaurus types of words (that you noticed, too) killed it for me within 10 pages. This is also why I can't read Dan Brown's books.
I'll admit, I was really bad with this until one of Aaron's workshops cured me of it forever. But, then, I'm not making a gazillion dollars for my writing.
Yes, but it's really vexing to have a DEGREE IN CREATIVE WRITING and not have actually been TAUGHT HOW TO WRITE until years later. I recently had came to the realization that my university writing classes were all about being taught their concept of what I should write (depressing but "literary" stories about alcoholism and adultery and whatnot) instead of how to write. Such a waste.
You don't know how happy it makes me when I see another of these entries on my flist.
You know, Edward wanting to kill the attackers doesn't really bother me. I don't have any moral objections to using lethal force to stop a crime. That, I could understand. But Edward killing them would mean that he would likely freak Bella out and wouldn't be able to boss her around any more. Although honestly at this point Edward could confess that he is not only a vampire, he shot Martin Luther King Jr, personally designed the Final Solution, pushed the iceberg in front of the Titanic, and was directly responsible for the San Fransisco earthquake of 1906 and Bella would be all "'Kay."
Pretty much. Except at least in SW, that relationship ended in disaster, not in hearts and flowers, so I could stomach it a little more, at least by ROTS.
Well, Bella doesn't lose the will to live either-- no wait, technically she does because she's wanting to be a vampire about 10 seconds after she finds out he is...
Hrm, is Charlie Obi-Wan because he holds them back? ;)
I'll admit I'm not the most subtle writer, and if I have a point to make, I'll probably make it several times in a story. But SHEESH! The clumsy/you're-a-danger-to-yourself is just OVERKILL, and not substantiated by Bella's overall history.
I try not to do "message" stuff, unless it's taking the protagonists and showing them "Everything you know is wrong" (to quote Weird Al). And they have their issues (Elaine's a martinet who's mad at the world, Alan's way too naive and determined to right all the world's wrongs) but the whole point of their having issues is to get them past that! Bella isn't so much a character as a clumsy doll for Edward to play with. Her world revolves around Edward because in terms of the writing she ONLY exists to be in love with the marble statue cupcake Adonis from Smeyer's original dream on the subject
( ... )
I'm seriously thinking you should edit this and submit it for publication somewhere. Maybe there's someplace like "New Moon" magazine http://www.newmoon.com/magazine/ except for older girls?
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You know, Edward wanting to kill the attackers doesn't really bother me. I don't have any moral objections to using lethal force to stop a crime. That, I could understand. But Edward killing them would mean that he would likely freak Bella out and wouldn't be able to boss her around any more. Although honestly at this point Edward could confess that he is not only a vampire, he shot Martin Luther King Jr, personally designed the Final Solution, pushed the iceberg in front of the Titanic, and was directly responsible for the San Fransisco earthquake of 1906 and Bella would be all "'Kay."
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Hrm, is Charlie Obi-Wan because he holds them back? ;)
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