Like Bruce Willis in more ways than one
I want to say something. As of last night, I have seen a digital reinterpretation of Anne Hathaway's boobies. She has done nudity. This blows me away for some reason. I could really go into what I believe that reason to be, but it will only lead to a dark and scary place filled with my own twisted theories about sex, sexual preferences and inclinations, and societies influence thereupon. So I'll just leave it at "I've seen her boobies." So I think I'm done with anything "adult oriented," except for that, and maybe a few select bits of midget pornography. Forever.
So I've got this friend who had this roommate named Toby. Mother fucker was a hard core stoner, right? This one time him and his buddies took some acid and let themselves loose on the streets. So they go about the town, completely tripping out, right? So along their journey they come across this elf, and the befriend it and it hangs out with them for the rest of the night. So the next morning my friend comes home to find them all passed out in his room and he asks Toby what happened last night. So he kind of goes through everything in his head, but he gets to the elf and can't figure out what it was. Then he remembers that they decided to put it in the closet so it wouldn't escape. So my buddy goes to the closet, since this Toby guy is too afraid, and he looks inside. Sure enough, theres this little blond kid int he closet. It turned out that the kid was missing, and they had found it and kept it because they thought it was an elf. They took it down to the police station and now they are getting an award because the kid was missing for, like, a week. Isn't that just crazy?!
Yes. Yes you fool it is. So as far as I can tell, this is the latest urban legend sweeping the nation. I've heard it once. The first it was a gremlin who turned out to be a little black girl who was missing. The second was a gnome who was really a midget who had been missing. Now The first version I heard from a reasonably articulate person, so it wasn't completely retarded. The second I heard today while eating alone in what I'd hoped was going to be a deserted corner of one of the cafeterias at my school. There I sat, trying to enjoy by fucking horrible pizza, when some idiot girl comes up to talk to this other girl behind me. Now, there are many details which I'm leaving out. You see while eating, I was observing people, as I tend to do. It just so worked out, that the people I observed happened to spread this story. So I watched as it went from one person to the other, until it conveniently ended up right behind me and I could hear what it was. The person telling it was clearly a bit dimwitted, as her story wasn't very well crafted. There were a few major problems. First off, in her version, the drug using character did all of his part of the adventure on his own, save for the roommate character, who was not in the first version I heard. This is one place where the second version goes awry. No one goes on epic, acid trips by themselves. They go with friends, because that way they get attention, and create something to discuss in the future of their empty lives and relationships. You follow? Also in the second story, there's the confused bit about the midget, presumably an adult little person, who was missing, and just happened to be stumbled upon by a loan wandering man, and chose to go along with him. The flaws in this aspect of the second story need not be pointed out, and the narrative superiority of the first story with it's lost child seems to be clear to me. Both stories have the unbelievable element of the drug abusers getting a reward from the city, who apparently give out rewards like candy. If I recall correctly there was no widely reported reward for Cecilia Zhang (I'm not too worried about spelling that, since the name everyone seemed to religiously attach to her, wasn't even her real name. Sorry, I don't remember much about that except that it pissed me off how people went along with the sensationalization of that story). So there you have it. The fact that I've heard two versions of this story, averaged out int he version I've written above, tells me that both are false, and are urban legends. Why is this so? Are university students all drug abusers, or the closet worshipers thereof? I don't know. It certainly isn't told as a precautionary tale, like perhaps the "dog in the microwave" urban legends of the good old days. This almost glorifies the hilarity of taking hallucinogens and putting the lives of children and dwarves in danger. Anyway, this topic is so played out.
Next. Have you ever taken a dump in a university library washroom? The graffiti in those stalls is extraordinary. Not one spot on the stall walls was unmarked, and the regular wall was beginning to fill up. Much of the graffiti was your standard graffiti, so and so is a such and such, only most of it was done in at least a minorly creative way. There also seemed to be an unusual number of polls that were taking place on the walls, with a large range of subjects. Most impressive though, were the several cases of what appeared to be mini-essays on topics like the importance of religion in society, and other scholarly topics. Needless to say I was impressed. I spent some time in there, just reading. Never again will I be frustrated when I go into the library washroom in a bowel related panic, only to find the stall occupied, something that happens often. Now I will leave the bathroom happy, though defeated, but content with the image of the young man reading the fruits of some rather impressive wordsmithery on the shithouse walls. Only in a university I guess.
So we come to the end of another epic post, one which history will no doubt view as one of the greatest pieces of writing since the Bible (new testament). I'm going to post this, then remember something else, and hate myself.
So I've got this friend who had this roommate named Toby. Mother fucker was a hard core stoner, right? This one time him and his buddies took some acid and let themselves loose on the streets. So they go about the town, completely tripping out, right? So along their journey they come across this elf, and the befriend it and it hangs out with them for the rest of the night. So the next morning my friend comes home to find them all passed out in his room and he asks Toby what happened last night. So he kind of goes through everything in his head, but he gets to the elf and can't figure out what it was. Then he remembers that they decided to put it in the closet so it wouldn't escape. So my buddy goes to the closet, since this Toby guy is too afraid, and he looks inside. Sure enough, theres this little blond kid int he closet. It turned out that the kid was missing, and they had found it and kept it because they thought it was an elf. They took it down to the police station and now they are getting an award because the kid was missing for, like, a week. Isn't that just crazy?!
Yes. Yes you fool it is. So as far as I can tell, this is the latest urban legend sweeping the nation. I've heard it once. The first it was a gremlin who turned out to be a little black girl who was missing. The second was a gnome who was really a midget who had been missing. Now The first version I heard from a reasonably articulate person, so it wasn't completely retarded. The second I heard today while eating alone in what I'd hoped was going to be a deserted corner of one of the cafeterias at my school. There I sat, trying to enjoy by fucking horrible pizza, when some idiot girl comes up to talk to this other girl behind me. Now, there are many details which I'm leaving out. You see while eating, I was observing people, as I tend to do. It just so worked out, that the people I observed happened to spread this story. So I watched as it went from one person to the other, until it conveniently ended up right behind me and I could hear what it was. The person telling it was clearly a bit dimwitted, as her story wasn't very well crafted. There were a few major problems. First off, in her version, the drug using character did all of his part of the adventure on his own, save for the roommate character, who was not in the first version I heard. This is one place where the second version goes awry. No one goes on epic, acid trips by themselves. They go with friends, because that way they get attention, and create something to discuss in the future of their empty lives and relationships. You follow? Also in the second story, there's the confused bit about the midget, presumably an adult little person, who was missing, and just happened to be stumbled upon by a loan wandering man, and chose to go along with him. The flaws in this aspect of the second story need not be pointed out, and the narrative superiority of the first story with it's lost child seems to be clear to me. Both stories have the unbelievable element of the drug abusers getting a reward from the city, who apparently give out rewards like candy. If I recall correctly there was no widely reported reward for Cecilia Zhang (I'm not too worried about spelling that, since the name everyone seemed to religiously attach to her, wasn't even her real name. Sorry, I don't remember much about that except that it pissed me off how people went along with the sensationalization of that story). So there you have it. The fact that I've heard two versions of this story, averaged out int he version I've written above, tells me that both are false, and are urban legends. Why is this so? Are university students all drug abusers, or the closet worshipers thereof? I don't know. It certainly isn't told as a precautionary tale, like perhaps the "dog in the microwave" urban legends of the good old days. This almost glorifies the hilarity of taking hallucinogens and putting the lives of children and dwarves in danger. Anyway, this topic is so played out.
Next. Have you ever taken a dump in a university library washroom? The graffiti in those stalls is extraordinary. Not one spot on the stall walls was unmarked, and the regular wall was beginning to fill up. Much of the graffiti was your standard graffiti, so and so is a such and such, only most of it was done in at least a minorly creative way. There also seemed to be an unusual number of polls that were taking place on the walls, with a large range of subjects. Most impressive though, were the several cases of what appeared to be mini-essays on topics like the importance of religion in society, and other scholarly topics. Needless to say I was impressed. I spent some time in there, just reading. Never again will I be frustrated when I go into the library washroom in a bowel related panic, only to find the stall occupied, something that happens often. Now I will leave the bathroom happy, though defeated, but content with the image of the young man reading the fruits of some rather impressive wordsmithery on the shithouse walls. Only in a university I guess.
So we come to the end of another epic post, one which history will no doubt view as one of the greatest pieces of writing since the Bible (new testament). I'm going to post this, then remember something else, and hate myself.