wow..187 weeks since I last posted... is that bad?
well well its been a while since I showed my face around livejournal. Too much has happened since I was last here I don't even know where to start. Well I can say that I've gone through two dramatic changes. Firstly, my family has broken. I no longer have connection with the other half of me. So in a way I kinda lost half myself, probably the shy part of me. I tried so hard to get our family back together but there is only some much the youngest can do in a family that has way too much pride and think they are gods. So our families have grown into separate routes. We have gotten closer to my dad's side of the family which is by all means even crazier than what I was use to but I got use to their welcoming hands in due time. Its been probably 3 years since I saw my Aunt (my second mother) unfortunately the most recent time was a few days ago at the hospital. She had undergone a major surgery... they offered me to babysit my cousins baby who I saw when he was a few weeks old and never again for 2 years so I'm kinda nervous to be around everyone again.
The second drastic change was loosing my precious baby that has been with me through my childhood. He was probably the only thing that kept me sane and made me who I am today. I learned to love and respect nature and animals through him. The night he disappeared I remember very clearly. I was at school sound asleep when I suddenly was wide awake... It was as if someone screamed or called my name loudly and my eyes shot opened. I had no idea why. I looked and saw the time being 4:30am and went back to bed. All day I was sniffling and I couldn't understand it. I thought it was allergies but they would never last the whole day. It was only later that night when Seri came to see me at school which never ever happens so I knew something serious had happened. He sat me down and said, "Things are going to be different from now on" at that moment all I could remember going through my head was "Please say nothing happened to Kato... don't tell me something happened to him." Sure enough though he told me he let Kato out around 4 am and he fell asleep on the couch. When he woke up he remember he left Kato outside and he couldn't find him anywhere. All that was left was two coyote paw prints on the back glass fence. I can't express how I felt. I felt like my heart wouldn't stop bleeding.
It has taken me such a long time to overcome both these changes. without the support of my brother and Heidi I don't think I could have started to recover from loosing Kato. We have gotten another dog which I was set against cause it was way too soon for me. I tried to keep myself apart from him but no matter what he still got attached to me the most... Now I love him to the ends of the earth but at first I couldn't stand looking at him... everyone kept giving him kato's things and I would be angry cause that means they completely gave up on the hope of him coming back... even though the evidence was strong towards him never returning I still had hope. I have now put his first collar on my teady bear Rellow that is my most precious possession.
The second drastic change was loosing my precious baby that has been with me through my childhood. He was probably the only thing that kept me sane and made me who I am today. I learned to love and respect nature and animals through him. The night he disappeared I remember very clearly. I was at school sound asleep when I suddenly was wide awake... It was as if someone screamed or called my name loudly and my eyes shot opened. I had no idea why. I looked and saw the time being 4:30am and went back to bed. All day I was sniffling and I couldn't understand it. I thought it was allergies but they would never last the whole day. It was only later that night when Seri came to see me at school which never ever happens so I knew something serious had happened. He sat me down and said, "Things are going to be different from now on" at that moment all I could remember going through my head was "Please say nothing happened to Kato... don't tell me something happened to him." Sure enough though he told me he let Kato out around 4 am and he fell asleep on the couch. When he woke up he remember he left Kato outside and he couldn't find him anywhere. All that was left was two coyote paw prints on the back glass fence. I can't express how I felt. I felt like my heart wouldn't stop bleeding.
It has taken me such a long time to overcome both these changes. without the support of my brother and Heidi I don't think I could have started to recover from loosing Kato. We have gotten another dog which I was set against cause it was way too soon for me. I tried to keep myself apart from him but no matter what he still got attached to me the most... Now I love him to the ends of the earth but at first I couldn't stand looking at him... everyone kept giving him kato's things and I would be angry cause that means they completely gave up on the hope of him coming back... even though the evidence was strong towards him never returning I still had hope. I have now put his first collar on my teady bear Rellow that is my most precious possession.