update on my long lost uncle...

[rayelily]

From: Toney
Oct 7, 2007 9:43 AM

yes i am... i was just with him yesterday for a family reunion because our father died on sept 12 of this year, and we were talking about you... so i found you on myspace and showed him, and he was soooo excited.. he wanted me to ask you if you could e-mail him sometime so he can see how you are doing, no pressure.. i

Comments

[brian_z]

Wow. Well, maybe this is very easy for me to say coming from outside, but my reaction on reading this follow up is that, personally, I would want to contact him. A lot has probably changed in two decades and it could potentially be a positive experience... and even if things do not go well and you decide to part ways again, this time it at least it can be your own choice.

[rayelily]

this whole situation is just bringing up all the suppressed resentment and sadness that I had buried growing up. It was hard not having a father figure but I feel I am a stronger person because of it.
I do have a lot of things I want to ask and say to him and the rest of that family.
But I'm just not sure if I want to hear the answers...

[brian_z]

I dunno, my experience has always been that burying shit never works, it always works its way up, and the longer you hold it back, the more damage it does. I'd rather spend a week crying my eyes out and then accept my pain and move on then years of being only mildly miserable but too afraid to confront what is bothering me. Those questions you have will not go away, they are likely to get stronger and bigger, because they are such important ones. At the very worst, dealing with them will be extremely hard in the short term, but will make you still stronger, and will be much easier then not dealing with them in the long term.

If you're were in a particularly bad spot in your life overall right now, I'd say maybe you just can't deal with this right now and there will be a better time in the future. But it sounds like you are feeling relatively stable with your life in general, and have a relatively high amount of emotional strength...

Not that you really asked for my advice... I guess I just feel strongly about this kind of thing!

[writous]

i remember going thru a similar situation with my bro after not talking to him for two years and his new wife finding me on myspace.

blah

fuck myspace.

<3

[rayelily]

ya myspace is ridiculous.

blahfuck.

[hopeontop]

i have never met my father. he left my mother before i was born and was not a part of my life at all, has never tried to make contact, anything. i would let him email you instead if you are still very torn as to what to do. i have never tried to meet my father or desire to; my family is as complete as i need it, but we are different people. i know that my father has been a capable adult my whole life and still never got his shit together to be family to me or even let me know who he was, and that is enough for me. not sure if this helps, but in times when i questioned who he really was i remembered who really IS in my life already. im here if you ever want to talk <3 miss you