Women in love are like crack addicts
Women have a terrible habit of holding onto relationships that aren't really going anywhere.
We morph them into something more hopeful than what they truly are, ignoring the truth and reality right in front of us.
If a man says: I'm not ready for/ I don't want a relationship.
We might assume "oh, he is shy and hasn't really known what its like to have someone love him the way I do, he's just afraid of getting his heart broken, I have to pursue him further in order to show him that I won't leave or hurt him. Then he'll allow himself to act on what his heart is telling him: that he loves me "
Or
"He's just intimidated by my (beauty, strong will, brains, sense of humor, etc) and so I'll just have to hang out with him more so he can get used to it.
Or
He's obviously lying to himself about how much he really likes me. His pride is getting in the way. I'll fight with him because I'm feeling insecure, and make extra cute pouty faces until he says something nice about me, THEN I'll go back to assuming he loves me. If that doesn't work I'll drive/ walk away and see if he cares enough to chase me, or slam the door in his face and then text him ten minutes later to give him another chance to apologize for making me feel insecure.
Or
I'm not interested in a relationship either. I just want to have a good time. This is fine... this is great.. EXACTLY what I wanted. Yep...
We find ways to make our dysfunctional relationships work. We make up excuses, we allow too much time to pass in dysfunction before we give up, we twist the truth, we are blinded to the point of perceiving our convictions as if they were completely real. We stay when the quietest, darkest part of our hearts really says go. We ignore the reason of our friends and family with outside perspective. We go mad.
And when the great waves of reality kick our sandcastles we are STILL shocked, and cry, and scream, and throw things. We blame.
ITS SO DUMB!
AND WHY do we do this. Because the alternative isn't very much fun.
She never dated anyone. She never attempted to date anyone. She wasn't ever impressed by the moon in June, or the birds and the bees. She never snuck out of bedrooms half clothed, she never woke up hung over with her arms splayed over an ex-lover, She never exchanged beautiful kisses in dark alleys after shows, no drunken confessions. No affairs with one night stands in other countries. No shouting matches, no risks, no tear-stained pillows, no loss of appetite, no loss of sleep. No sweet, tailor-made moments between herself and another. No sickening pet names. No sickening sightings at parties months afterward. She never felt rushes nor nerves, no hastened heartbeat, or roller coaster stomach. She was never distracted. She went on to do many really great things. I think she was a dentist or something. Then she died.
Nope, the crazy story about love we've been told since we were little is enough engrained in most of us that we choose to drug ourselves in it.
I've done it too. It makes me want to vomit. GAH!!!!!!!!! Only 30 more years 'til all these hormones go away! I shudder to think what trouble they'll get me in before then.
We morph them into something more hopeful than what they truly are, ignoring the truth and reality right in front of us.
If a man says: I'm not ready for/ I don't want a relationship.
We might assume "oh, he is shy and hasn't really known what its like to have someone love him the way I do, he's just afraid of getting his heart broken, I have to pursue him further in order to show him that I won't leave or hurt him. Then he'll allow himself to act on what his heart is telling him: that he loves me "
Or
"He's just intimidated by my (beauty, strong will, brains, sense of humor, etc) and so I'll just have to hang out with him more so he can get used to it.
Or
He's obviously lying to himself about how much he really likes me. His pride is getting in the way. I'll fight with him because I'm feeling insecure, and make extra cute pouty faces until he says something nice about me, THEN I'll go back to assuming he loves me. If that doesn't work I'll drive/ walk away and see if he cares enough to chase me, or slam the door in his face and then text him ten minutes later to give him another chance to apologize for making me feel insecure.
Or
I'm not interested in a relationship either. I just want to have a good time. This is fine... this is great.. EXACTLY what I wanted. Yep...
We find ways to make our dysfunctional relationships work. We make up excuses, we allow too much time to pass in dysfunction before we give up, we twist the truth, we are blinded to the point of perceiving our convictions as if they were completely real. We stay when the quietest, darkest part of our hearts really says go. We ignore the reason of our friends and family with outside perspective. We go mad.
And when the great waves of reality kick our sandcastles we are STILL shocked, and cry, and scream, and throw things. We blame.
ITS SO DUMB!
AND WHY do we do this. Because the alternative isn't very much fun.
She never dated anyone. She never attempted to date anyone. She wasn't ever impressed by the moon in June, or the birds and the bees. She never snuck out of bedrooms half clothed, she never woke up hung over with her arms splayed over an ex-lover, She never exchanged beautiful kisses in dark alleys after shows, no drunken confessions. No affairs with one night stands in other countries. No shouting matches, no risks, no tear-stained pillows, no loss of appetite, no loss of sleep. No sweet, tailor-made moments between herself and another. No sickening pet names. No sickening sightings at parties months afterward. She never felt rushes nor nerves, no hastened heartbeat, or roller coaster stomach. She was never distracted. She went on to do many really great things. I think she was a dentist or something. Then she died.
Nope, the crazy story about love we've been told since we were little is enough engrained in most of us that we choose to drug ourselves in it.
I've done it too. It makes me want to vomit. GAH!!!!!!!!! Only 30 more years 'til all these hormones go away! I shudder to think what trouble they'll get me in before then.