Alone
Everyday I wonder if a little bit inside of me dies. Annoying, I feel it, and lash out. I drive everyone away. I could put the blame on everyone else, but that solves nothing. The friends that I made yesterday are my enemies today. It’s all so confusing- and sad. Mostly sad. I stare out into space and ponder my life and what could only be considered the meaninglessness of it all. I can’t get the words that form in my brain to reach my lips. I can’t communicate as well as I would like and tend to hurt everyone including myself. I’m so tired of being here. In the past year I’ve gotten extremely violent and angry with everyone. Things frustrate me in the slightest. I wince in my head when I take the time to listen to myself.
It’s all a headache. So I’m running away from it. From the family that once cared about each other and the friends that I used to see. The emptiness the city bring outside my window. I wish I could just be the way I was. I was a happy child. Is it worse to know that you were once happy or not to have the memory of something that you lost? It’s painful.
I read stories to pass the time and end up getting so enraptured that when it ends I want to cry. The illusion is broken. What is wrong with me? I wish I could run away forever. Go to a place that could give my troubled mind a bit of peace. Serenity. Tranquility. That I may surrender violence for benevolence. Anger for joy. Emptiness to allow myself to be fulfilled.
In a moment, everything can change, or so I have been told. I guess my life is full of moments that I ignore, things that go unnoticed until it’s too late. There is so much in this world that I cannot seem grasp. Can I be forgiven for every fault that I possess? Will everything go back to how it was? No, it can’t, and I must start looking forward. I can’t change the past. I can’t. The mistakes are stained into history, words that cannot be taken back, actions that cannot be undone.
Crying doesn’t help. Tears do not change who I am, but merely are as an outlet for my frustration. I once believed I had a great soul, that I could see the world differently than everyone else- that I could survive this ugly world. Mortality is a scary idea. That once minute you are there- living, breathing, alive. Then you are gone- dieing, struggling for breath, dead. You disappear. Such a fear. People will do anything to survive. The price of immortality is something that cannot be put into numbers. It’s not something that is logical.
I just figured it out. I’m frantic. I’m panicking. I’m trying to find validation. An excuse. A reason. A point. Justification for existence. I want to find it. Grasp it. Hold it. Understand it. Believe in it.
Under everything, I am still just a child. Arrogant, annoying, stubborn, greedy, selfish, angry, violent, uncaring, uncouth. Small, scared, sad. Wanting acceptance, something more.
IRIS
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
It’s all a headache. So I’m running away from it. From the family that once cared about each other and the friends that I used to see. The emptiness the city bring outside my window. I wish I could just be the way I was. I was a happy child. Is it worse to know that you were once happy or not to have the memory of something that you lost? It’s painful.
I read stories to pass the time and end up getting so enraptured that when it ends I want to cry. The illusion is broken. What is wrong with me? I wish I could run away forever. Go to a place that could give my troubled mind a bit of peace. Serenity. Tranquility. That I may surrender violence for benevolence. Anger for joy. Emptiness to allow myself to be fulfilled.
In a moment, everything can change, or so I have been told. I guess my life is full of moments that I ignore, things that go unnoticed until it’s too late. There is so much in this world that I cannot seem grasp. Can I be forgiven for every fault that I possess? Will everything go back to how it was? No, it can’t, and I must start looking forward. I can’t change the past. I can’t. The mistakes are stained into history, words that cannot be taken back, actions that cannot be undone.
Crying doesn’t help. Tears do not change who I am, but merely are as an outlet for my frustration. I once believed I had a great soul, that I could see the world differently than everyone else- that I could survive this ugly world. Mortality is a scary idea. That once minute you are there- living, breathing, alive. Then you are gone- dieing, struggling for breath, dead. You disappear. Such a fear. People will do anything to survive. The price of immortality is something that cannot be put into numbers. It’s not something that is logical.
I just figured it out. I’m frantic. I’m panicking. I’m trying to find validation. An excuse. A reason. A point. Justification for existence. I want to find it. Grasp it. Hold it. Understand it. Believe in it.
Under everything, I am still just a child. Arrogant, annoying, stubborn, greedy, selfish, angry, violent, uncaring, uncouth. Small, scared, sad. Wanting acceptance, something more.
IRIS
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am