Tired.
Last Sunday, we had our finals in our PE, which was basketball, and we had to play from 1 pm up until 7 in the evening because we made it to the finals. We only had little time to rest in between games and I can attest that that day was really tiring.
I'm sure you've had similar experiences wherein you were tired... physically. Out of breath. Your heart pounds like someone repeatedly beating you in the chest... but this meaning of tired isn't the only meaning it has. I'm talking about a different kind of tiredness, a worse kind.
I've been so tired lately. Tired of waking up. Tired of driving to school. Tired of studying. Tired of this and that. Who cares? Tired of sacrificing one week to study for a Chemistry long test. Tired of college. Tired of thinking about high school and how you can never bring it back. Tired of having discussions in class which don't really give you anything. Tired of being brainwashed into believing that you have to do well in school or else you won't get into the Dean's List.
And then you won't get a good job after college.
And then you won't get rich.
And then your wife leaves you because you can't pay the rent.
And then you die lonely and unhappy.
Psh, LIES!
I'm tired of being told, "Welcome to the real world!" and I'm tired of growing up too fast. Tired of being confused and noone's there to help you.
Remember when you were still a kid? Everything was just so freakin interesting! You couldn't stop checking things out. Curiousity. Amazement. You were not bound to any rules, like your future. None of that mattered, because you were young. You're a kid, you're free to express yourself any way you want. As long as it took your attention, it seemed like the only important thing in the world to you and it was great. Nobody told you that it wasn't. Nobody told you what you could or could not love. Nobody stopped you from doing anything you wanted. One thing's for sure, I loved being a kid. I used to be happy. I used to have a lot of fun with the little I had. I was doing great. What the hell happened!?
Lately I've been so tired you could look into my eyes and wonder if I was sleeping with my eyes open. Maybe I'm just living everyday pretending everything was fine with me, like a sleepwalker. I'm so tired you could hear it in every breath I take. A deep sigh. Emptiness. I'm so tired, it's not even funny anymore. I'm so tired my past entries are pointless. I mean, updates about my life? Why would I post about updates about me? Do I actually expect anyone to be as interested in my life as I am? Or am I just losing it?
I feel like doing nothing. Today, I slept from 10 to 5 pm. I was supposed to study but I just couldn't do it. I didn't see the point. Maybe I'll get back on track sooner or later. But what if on track is really just what they make you believe it is. I don't see the point of doing things you aren't interested in anymore. I'm just so tired of it all. Tired of my boring, monotonous, seemingly-neverending life. I'm tired of being tired. I just wanna be a kid again. I wanna be free.
I'm sure you've had similar experiences wherein you were tired... physically. Out of breath. Your heart pounds like someone repeatedly beating you in the chest... but this meaning of tired isn't the only meaning it has. I'm talking about a different kind of tiredness, a worse kind.
I've been so tired lately. Tired of waking up. Tired of driving to school. Tired of studying. Tired of this and that. Who cares? Tired of sacrificing one week to study for a Chemistry long test. Tired of college. Tired of thinking about high school and how you can never bring it back. Tired of having discussions in class which don't really give you anything. Tired of being brainwashed into believing that you have to do well in school or else you won't get into the Dean's List.
And then you won't get a good job after college.
And then you won't get rich.
And then your wife leaves you because you can't pay the rent.
And then you die lonely and unhappy.
Psh, LIES!
I'm tired of being told, "Welcome to the real world!" and I'm tired of growing up too fast. Tired of being confused and noone's there to help you.
Remember when you were still a kid? Everything was just so freakin interesting! You couldn't stop checking things out. Curiousity. Amazement. You were not bound to any rules, like your future. None of that mattered, because you were young. You're a kid, you're free to express yourself any way you want. As long as it took your attention, it seemed like the only important thing in the world to you and it was great. Nobody told you that it wasn't. Nobody told you what you could or could not love. Nobody stopped you from doing anything you wanted. One thing's for sure, I loved being a kid. I used to be happy. I used to have a lot of fun with the little I had. I was doing great. What the hell happened!?
Lately I've been so tired you could look into my eyes and wonder if I was sleeping with my eyes open. Maybe I'm just living everyday pretending everything was fine with me, like a sleepwalker. I'm so tired you could hear it in every breath I take. A deep sigh. Emptiness. I'm so tired, it's not even funny anymore. I'm so tired my past entries are pointless. I mean, updates about my life? Why would I post about updates about me? Do I actually expect anyone to be as interested in my life as I am? Or am I just losing it?
I feel like doing nothing. Today, I slept from 10 to 5 pm. I was supposed to study but I just couldn't do it. I didn't see the point. Maybe I'll get back on track sooner or later. But what if on track is really just what they make you believe it is. I don't see the point of doing things you aren't interested in anymore. I'm just so tired of it all. Tired of my boring, monotonous, seemingly-neverending life. I'm tired of being tired. I just wanna be a kid again. I wanna be free.