we be makin a whole short joint circut....or something to that effect
Okay, so for those of yall who are wondering about Bando stuff for me, here's the 411.
Monday was our first of 3 workshops.
Sweaty. I couldn't get the freaking dance down. Yelica and I went to Victoria's house to work on stuff. She said I had amazing kicks for someone who's never high kicked in their life. Amazing kicks literally, she said.
Tuesday we worked on kicks, then the dance. I was so sweaty. Seriously, my hair was COMPLETELY soaked, and I was just nasty. I had to go to JP's Bible study about 20 mins after practice, so I called him. Didn't answer. Very weird of him. I didn't leave him a message. So, I just texted him. I said "Are we going to the dock at 7 instead of 7:30?"
Finally, he calls me back. I was almost in tears from frustration of myself. He could tell. He was like, "Please don't cry while you're on the phone with me. I don't think I'll be able to handle it..."
I said, "Fine, I'll cry when you actually see me." He laughed.
At this moment, I was almost positive that I wouldn't try-out.
Jordan called me again once I got home. I was still angry and still on the verge of tears. He said, I'll be at your house in 2 minutes. Be ready cause we're late." I told him, "I need food...I'm going to pass out at any minute now. I'm totally serious. My blood sugar's too low...I can't stop shaking..."
"Just hold tight for like a minute, find something with carbs...get something to drink....I'm almost there."
I had enough time to get some poptarts and Gatorade then he called me. He made sure I was still concious and told me that I needed to skidaddle.
I got in the car and my hands started shaking even more than before. I was getting sweaty and cold and dizzy. I told him to help me open the poptarts fast or we'd be on our way to the hospital instead of Bible study. I shoved half a poptart in my mouth so I wouldn't pass out. It made me feel a lot better. We blasted the Christian music and when I sang, I spit out poptart. Embarassing.
I saw him looking at me every once in a while out of the corner of my tear filled eye. He wants me to talk. I tell him there's nothing to talk about. He asks what's wrong. I tell him. I can't get the freaking dance down, all the other girls already have it. It's nothing that Jesus can't handle, he tells me. I actually want him to just stop with all the Jesus stuff. I love Jesus and everything, but ever since the break-up, that's seriously all we talk about. I miss the old Jordan. I still like him, but sometimes the religion thing gets overpowering. I miss being able to say something and us both taking it the wrong way. I miss just talking about family and friend stuff with so much trust in eachother. I just miss him.
We go get Amanda and Ashley. Twins, yet so different. They both get in the back seat, never seeing me. I turn and ask Amanda to open my Gatorade. "HOLY CRAP! SOMEONE'S IN THE FRONT SEAT! I don't want a Gatorade..."
I know, I say. I just want it opened. So she opens it for me. Then, at a light, Jordan offers to open it for me. Too late.
We go to the Dock. I leave in 20 minutes. I'm going to get help with the dance at the studio. While there, me, Ashley, and Leandra get locked into the bathroom. We laugh. We practice the dance. I cry. I look like I've never danced in my life. I hate wondering what others think of me. I want them to know I'm a pretty good dancer, when I've got a longer time to learn a dance. 9:15. I decide not to tryout for Bandos.
Last night were tryouts. I couldn't have cared less. All my Bando friends are mad at me. That's exactly why I didn't tryout, I tell them. They don't get it. It wasn't what I've been wanting for myself, It's what EVERYONE else has wanted for me, sorry, maybe next year, I say.
Jordan was supposed to come to church with me on Wednesday. He ended up not being able to come. He asked me how it was. I wanted to tell him the truth, but instead I just said fun. I wanted to tell him that I was really looking forward to bringing him. Having my friends meet him, changing some peoples' minds about him. But I don't.
Now we've only got about 5 days left together. I feel like i've wasted the time. We're going to church together on Wed. He promised. Right in front of my whole dance class, too. Ana got jealous. Again. They're friends, but more like aquantances. If you quized everyone in that class and asked everyone who their closest friend in that class was, almost all of them would say me. I'd say Jordan. He's really my only actual friend in there. He's the only one I can tell that I'm having the worst day of my life, the best day ever, not say anything at all and he still gets me.
I'm so scared for next year when I won't have him there.
Ironic: Jordan and Laine won Mr. and Miss BHS. Voting was 2 months after their breakup. Nobody could think of anyone else. Jordan asked me if I voted for him. I said no. Why, he asked. Because I didn't want to have to put you in that situation like everyone else did. He thanked me. Duh, anyone in their right mind would know better.
Or maybe just his friend would.
Kyle Knighton got a mohawk yesterdy. He looked hot with it. Today, It was gone. I was rather upset about it. My mom made me cut it off for senior recognition, he says.
We talk about how amazing Blue Like Jazz is, how great Jesus Freaks is, and how awesome eachother is.
Why is everything that was supposed to be helping me for next year failing on me? Next year was supposed to be my year. Doesn't look that way anymore.
Monday was our first of 3 workshops.
Sweaty. I couldn't get the freaking dance down. Yelica and I went to Victoria's house to work on stuff. She said I had amazing kicks for someone who's never high kicked in their life. Amazing kicks literally, she said.
Tuesday we worked on kicks, then the dance. I was so sweaty. Seriously, my hair was COMPLETELY soaked, and I was just nasty. I had to go to JP's Bible study about 20 mins after practice, so I called him. Didn't answer. Very weird of him. I didn't leave him a message. So, I just texted him. I said "Are we going to the dock at 7 instead of 7:30?"
Finally, he calls me back. I was almost in tears from frustration of myself. He could tell. He was like, "Please don't cry while you're on the phone with me. I don't think I'll be able to handle it..."
I said, "Fine, I'll cry when you actually see me." He laughed.
At this moment, I was almost positive that I wouldn't try-out.
Jordan called me again once I got home. I was still angry and still on the verge of tears. He said, I'll be at your house in 2 minutes. Be ready cause we're late." I told him, "I need food...I'm going to pass out at any minute now. I'm totally serious. My blood sugar's too low...I can't stop shaking..."
"Just hold tight for like a minute, find something with carbs...get something to drink....I'm almost there."
I had enough time to get some poptarts and Gatorade then he called me. He made sure I was still concious and told me that I needed to skidaddle.
I got in the car and my hands started shaking even more than before. I was getting sweaty and cold and dizzy. I told him to help me open the poptarts fast or we'd be on our way to the hospital instead of Bible study. I shoved half a poptart in my mouth so I wouldn't pass out. It made me feel a lot better. We blasted the Christian music and when I sang, I spit out poptart. Embarassing.
I saw him looking at me every once in a while out of the corner of my tear filled eye. He wants me to talk. I tell him there's nothing to talk about. He asks what's wrong. I tell him. I can't get the freaking dance down, all the other girls already have it. It's nothing that Jesus can't handle, he tells me. I actually want him to just stop with all the Jesus stuff. I love Jesus and everything, but ever since the break-up, that's seriously all we talk about. I miss the old Jordan. I still like him, but sometimes the religion thing gets overpowering. I miss being able to say something and us both taking it the wrong way. I miss just talking about family and friend stuff with so much trust in eachother. I just miss him.
We go get Amanda and Ashley. Twins, yet so different. They both get in the back seat, never seeing me. I turn and ask Amanda to open my Gatorade. "HOLY CRAP! SOMEONE'S IN THE FRONT SEAT! I don't want a Gatorade..."
I know, I say. I just want it opened. So she opens it for me. Then, at a light, Jordan offers to open it for me. Too late.
We go to the Dock. I leave in 20 minutes. I'm going to get help with the dance at the studio. While there, me, Ashley, and Leandra get locked into the bathroom. We laugh. We practice the dance. I cry. I look like I've never danced in my life. I hate wondering what others think of me. I want them to know I'm a pretty good dancer, when I've got a longer time to learn a dance. 9:15. I decide not to tryout for Bandos.
Last night were tryouts. I couldn't have cared less. All my Bando friends are mad at me. That's exactly why I didn't tryout, I tell them. They don't get it. It wasn't what I've been wanting for myself, It's what EVERYONE else has wanted for me, sorry, maybe next year, I say.
Jordan was supposed to come to church with me on Wednesday. He ended up not being able to come. He asked me how it was. I wanted to tell him the truth, but instead I just said fun. I wanted to tell him that I was really looking forward to bringing him. Having my friends meet him, changing some peoples' minds about him. But I don't.
Now we've only got about 5 days left together. I feel like i've wasted the time. We're going to church together on Wed. He promised. Right in front of my whole dance class, too. Ana got jealous. Again. They're friends, but more like aquantances. If you quized everyone in that class and asked everyone who their closest friend in that class was, almost all of them would say me. I'd say Jordan. He's really my only actual friend in there. He's the only one I can tell that I'm having the worst day of my life, the best day ever, not say anything at all and he still gets me.
I'm so scared for next year when I won't have him there.
Ironic: Jordan and Laine won Mr. and Miss BHS. Voting was 2 months after their breakup. Nobody could think of anyone else. Jordan asked me if I voted for him. I said no. Why, he asked. Because I didn't want to have to put you in that situation like everyone else did. He thanked me. Duh, anyone in their right mind would know better.
Or maybe just his friend would.
Kyle Knighton got a mohawk yesterdy. He looked hot with it. Today, It was gone. I was rather upset about it. My mom made me cut it off for senior recognition, he says.
We talk about how amazing Blue Like Jazz is, how great Jesus Freaks is, and how awesome eachother is.
Why is everything that was supposed to be helping me for next year failing on me? Next year was supposed to be my year. Doesn't look that way anymore.