thoughts on beauty
I was looking at a playboy today (I have a vast collection of vintage playboys), it kind of made me sick for the first time. I thought back to the first time I had seen a dirty publication. It was one of my dads playboys I found under my parents bed. I remember thinking I want to look like that one day, and also getting a bit turned on.
I also played with barbies...never baby dolls always barbies. My barbies always had to be white....I was never allowed to have hispanic or african barbies...this put the thought into my head that blond and blue eyes are better than other variations of features.
As I developed my breasts never got very large...I gained a lot of weight. I longed to bleach my hair to barbie blond....and even get contacts to cover my brown eyes. I remember having people in jr high tell me "you'd be really pretty if you just...." It was always something...something needed to change. SOmething about me wasn't right.
This continues into adulthood...I would spend days crying if someone made a joke about my appearance. I always wanted to look perfect. My self esteem got lower...and lower....and I did not see anything beautiful in the mirror.
Over the last year I have mad peace with my "imperfections." I still am hard on myself. I looked in the mirror, stark naked at myself....then at the centerfold, then me, it went on like that for an hour. I finally laughed....I'm comparing myself to something fake and plastic... I'm comparing myself to barbie. I finally found true beauty in my body....evey imperfection....right down to my breast...they may not sit like 2 perfect cantaloupes sewn securely under the skin....but what real boobs larger than an AAA do?
As far as I'm concerned...the most beautiful women are women who resemble greek models. Not huge, but filled out enough.
Ok I'm done rambling now
I have nice boobs :)
I also played with barbies...never baby dolls always barbies. My barbies always had to be white....I was never allowed to have hispanic or african barbies...this put the thought into my head that blond and blue eyes are better than other variations of features.
As I developed my breasts never got very large...I gained a lot of weight. I longed to bleach my hair to barbie blond....and even get contacts to cover my brown eyes. I remember having people in jr high tell me "you'd be really pretty if you just...." It was always something...something needed to change. SOmething about me wasn't right.
This continues into adulthood...I would spend days crying if someone made a joke about my appearance. I always wanted to look perfect. My self esteem got lower...and lower....and I did not see anything beautiful in the mirror.
Over the last year I have mad peace with my "imperfections." I still am hard on myself. I looked in the mirror, stark naked at myself....then at the centerfold, then me, it went on like that for an hour. I finally laughed....I'm comparing myself to something fake and plastic... I'm comparing myself to barbie. I finally found true beauty in my body....evey imperfection....right down to my breast...they may not sit like 2 perfect cantaloupes sewn securely under the skin....but what real boobs larger than an AAA do?
As far as I'm concerned...the most beautiful women are women who resemble greek models. Not huge, but filled out enough.
Ok I'm done rambling now
I have nice boobs :)