it finally happened
It finally happened..
thanks to taking psychology (or more specifically Matt taking psychology last year) ... i've gone through taste aversion
matt had a beer tonight and i decided i'd have a shot or two...but as soon as the vodka hit the glass my stomach just
ate itself in terror. the memories of being sick that ONE time made me not like vodka anymore.
just the thought of vodka made me quesy. and for anyone who knows me vodka has never been my enemy
i can take shots like they were sir's strawberry juice from trader joes...i had to divide a normal shot into two smaller ones
for me to even consider taking them. then i did. and it made me unhappy. i can't believe it! kiss my drinking skills byebye
it's definitely not a bad thing by any means, but it was just a weird experience...not wanting to drink when i could. not even a little.
i think it's just vodka that i can't have anymore...whiskey or wine doesn't sound bad...bah oh well maybe i'll improve my bar skills now!
besides all that...
has anyone seen rachel? the old rachel...where'd she go? suddenly i looked in the mirror and saw someone else. someone who
can't be away from Matt, someone who gets anxiety attacks from realizing that i'm nothing more than just a really complicated machine with
nerves and other cells...all my actions and reactions are just outputs from things that were inputs are one point...i'm afraid of death...i've never
been afraid of death (or thought about it like this before) and i've decided I don't want to die...what does it feel like to just not exist? it's a scary thought
to realize that everything around you will still be here and one day you won't...the people will be different and other things but the world as a whole will
go on without you...scares the shit out of me. life is moving too quickly. i still get teary-eyed remembering the "old days" when we were too young
to even think it was possible to die...we'd just go around worrying about our hair or if we were too fat too skinny too loud too quiet...but we all
complained about being too young...i still think i'm too young...but suddenly young is getting older and older everyday.
if you find the fountain of youth let me know...i'd like to die on my own terms...not by rotting away
thanks to taking psychology (or more specifically Matt taking psychology last year) ... i've gone through taste aversion
matt had a beer tonight and i decided i'd have a shot or two...but as soon as the vodka hit the glass my stomach just
ate itself in terror. the memories of being sick that ONE time made me not like vodka anymore.
just the thought of vodka made me quesy. and for anyone who knows me vodka has never been my enemy
i can take shots like they were sir's strawberry juice from trader joes...i had to divide a normal shot into two smaller ones
for me to even consider taking them. then i did. and it made me unhappy. i can't believe it! kiss my drinking skills byebye
it's definitely not a bad thing by any means, but it was just a weird experience...not wanting to drink when i could. not even a little.
i think it's just vodka that i can't have anymore...whiskey or wine doesn't sound bad...bah oh well maybe i'll improve my bar skills now!
besides all that...
has anyone seen rachel? the old rachel...where'd she go? suddenly i looked in the mirror and saw someone else. someone who
can't be away from Matt, someone who gets anxiety attacks from realizing that i'm nothing more than just a really complicated machine with
nerves and other cells...all my actions and reactions are just outputs from things that were inputs are one point...i'm afraid of death...i've never
been afraid of death (or thought about it like this before) and i've decided I don't want to die...what does it feel like to just not exist? it's a scary thought
to realize that everything around you will still be here and one day you won't...the people will be different and other things but the world as a whole will
go on without you...scares the shit out of me. life is moving too quickly. i still get teary-eyed remembering the "old days" when we were too young
to even think it was possible to die...we'd just go around worrying about our hair or if we were too fat too skinny too loud too quiet...but we all
complained about being too young...i still think i'm too young...but suddenly young is getting older and older everyday.
if you find the fountain of youth let me know...i'd like to die on my own terms...not by rotting away