(Untitled)

[raya_light]

Title: The Cold, North Wind
Author: Raya
Theme: S - Premonition
Version: PGSM
Rating: G
Words: TBD

Disclaimer: Haruka Ten'oh is owned by Takeuchi Naoko, and maybe eventually by Bandai (I can dream). I am merely trying to give them ideas.

Canon, spelling, grammar, and punctuation corrections are appreciated. So is constructive criticism and

Comments

[raya_light]

Haha, wow. The things you find in my writing... ^-^ Thanks!

[seniumboy]

I thought this came out quite well. Nothing seems over the top or over dramatic. You give a hood ammount if little details that support the overall feeling of the story. The music, the attraction to the senses, it is quite well done. I don't think it needs more polish but I would be interested to know what you think it needs.

[raya_light]

It seemed a little choppy to me, but since no one else thinks so, I guess it doesn't need any. Maybe it was just all the wordy descriptions, hahaha. ^-^ Thanks!

[sheankelor]

Nice one deary... the north wind, the full moon's face... how many other ends were you planning on putting in there?^-^

[raya_light]

Snow... ice... glaciers... You know. Whatever it takes. *grin*

[sea_thoughts]

I like that you used Haruka as the main character instead of Michiru or Hotaru, it leant an interesting flavour to the piece. The cold imagery in the story definitely echoed that side of Haruka's nature.

[raya_light]

Well, I had already written PGSM Michiru's premonitions. Twice, I think, hahaha. Once for the PGSM timeframe, and another for the PGSM S timeframe years later. So, it really was Haruka's turn. Or Setsuna's, but Haruka spoke up first. ^-^

[sea_thoughts]

Well, she would speak up first, wouldn't she? ;)