(Untitled)

[raya_light]

Title: A Soothing Walk
Author: Raya
Theme: Motoki / Chamomile
Genre: General
Version: Anime
Rating: G
Word Count: ~355

Disclaimer: Motoki belongs to Takeuchi Naoko. I have merely scrounged the imaginary internet of my mind and pulled out pictures of him to use in this crude homemade movie. ^-^

Canon, spelling, grammar, and punctuation

Comments

[sheankelor]

I like your Chamomile better than mine. Good imagery and description in here.

[raya_light]

Haha, I got tired of reading about tea. ^-^ *dashes off to Yoga before going home to do bills*

[sheankelor]

Good I'm glad you did. I couldn't find enough about the plant to figure out how to make it fit in Japan... I never thought about having Motoki leave the country.

[raya_light]

Oh, one or two teas was good, and yours was the first I read. And db's was good, but I didn't want to add yet another one to the list. Like Dialogue, too many about the same idea. ^-^

I didn't do as much research as I usually do, since I was in a rush, but my gardening book says that it is a sunloving plant, so I figured it would do well in a mid to south African garden. I'm not to certain of tropical, though, and he is near the Congo... I'm going to claim "Artistic License" if I'm wrong, hahaha.

*sigh* Bills didn't get done. I forgot that I had the main computer set up to run a disk check the next time it restarted because I've had a couple of hard shutdowns in the past week. Ah well. Thursday. I'll do them tomorrow if I'm lucky or Thursday after choir.

[sheankelor]

^-^ It will grow quiet happily in the Congo, as well as in Europe and the Med. I found that out in my research, and it has different types and and and....

But I couldn't create a nice tale with that info. *pouts* I didn't want a tea story.

[raya_light]

Good imagery and description: Thanks! Good flow/pacing? Not too choppy? For some reason, everything I write is reading a little clunky or word heavy to me lately...

[sheankelor]

Once again.. tomorrow when I'm not tired.

[sheankelor]

J is home.. look for it tomorrow.

[sheankelor]

In the beginning have him think about the feeling of the nightmare clinging to the room. You kind of hint at it, but it isn't clear.

As h He was walking from the bungalow towards the main hotel, however when a sweet scent similar to apples caught his attention. That however just doesn't fit. I like it there, but it messes up the flow and the meaning of the sentence.

The rest of it flows nicely.