Coffee, Cigarettes, and a BFG9000
Well, its been an age, I've spent a good portion of my life droned away on depression, boredom, online roleplay, and videogames. Between a life as a jobless bum, bored bum, and a bum in general I finally came to a complete turn around. If I don't like my life, I can change it, and as much as I enjoy self-loathing and self-pity eventually everything comes to a head and boredom sets in...boredom..the mindkiller. Fuck, the writer of Dune was so damned wrong, fear feh...fear is for the weak, my mind is truly steeped in mediocrity and boredom, beat that! Regardless, after a good while playing hermit, staying away from the people who turned out to only be venomous in my life, being gennerally self-centered and hatefull to the world in general, a mixture of apathy and curiosity has set in. Maybe I'm just ignorant. Maybe I should return to my hermits life and be overjoyed for the three children and wonderful woman in my life and be content. But quite simply I'm not. Thats not to say April does not fulfill and enhance my life in any way shape or form, only that I need something more than an occupation, 2.5 kids, a Mortgage, and a Wife (even though technically I'm still not married, though I may as well be after so long). Maybe after all this time I truly want a turn around and to get back in step with the Dallas scene of Goths and Freaks and enjoy good times like it used to be. Maybe I just harbor deep seated venom and want to spread around my particular brand of hate, as I've hated myself for so long. Who knows, I'm still undecided and definately apathetic enough it could go either way, we'll see how that journey goes.
Which now leads to the point of this whole poorly written oration. In my struggles, my tribulation, and finally my realization, I've decided I might as well have a legacy to look back on as I go. Might as well share it with all the wonderful and gennerally neurotic (or in some cases psychotic) people I knew, or know here on LiveJournal. That said, welcome to my delusion, welcome to the oration of my life from this point forward, which may well include my return to the world in general, or simply a weak stab at what was and going back to life as it is now. Be my guest as we traipse through the mentality of an ego-centric, self-absorbed person, bent on coffee, cigarette's, and a BFG 9000.
Enjoy the ride.
Which now leads to the point of this whole poorly written oration. In my struggles, my tribulation, and finally my realization, I've decided I might as well have a legacy to look back on as I go. Might as well share it with all the wonderful and gennerally neurotic (or in some cases psychotic) people I knew, or know here on LiveJournal. That said, welcome to my delusion, welcome to the oration of my life from this point forward, which may well include my return to the world in general, or simply a weak stab at what was and going back to life as it is now. Be my guest as we traipse through the mentality of an ego-centric, self-absorbed person, bent on coffee, cigarette's, and a BFG 9000.
Enjoy the ride.