L-O-S-T a feeling i have come to know....
anonymous
November 27 2005, 21:38:08 UTC
I know I am only 13 and this probably won't even get read because I am just a stupid kid right....well I am going to take the chance that you just might read this....so here goes...
L-O-S-T is a feeling I know very well. I feel blank all the time. Sometimes I wonder if I have feelings left. I don't like being lost but I don't remember how it feels to not be lost. I always feel cold and empty. My head spins. I sit in my room for hours thinking...only problem is that for me thinking is bad because I start to figure things out. The more I figure out the more I feel lost and hurt. My whole life I have always had my mom to tell me how I felt. Now that she is "gone" then I don't know what to feel. When I say gone I don't mean dead i mean she left about a year and a half ago. I don't miss her that’s not the feeling she wasn't a good mom at all I don't even know if I dare use the word mom for her. She was abusive mentally and physically. I spent most of the time taking her crap so she would get my little brother or my little sister. I protected them the best I could. I paid the price... I stay lost maybe it's better that way. But I can't lose my scares...mental is a lot worse than physically. I have been forced into seeing a physiatrist ...I have only had one visit...after she "analyzed" me she was looking trough a book when I asked what she was doing she said she was trying to find a citatory to put me under. My first response being.... WHY? When you look for wrong in a person you will find it when you look for good you will find it...You see what you look for. She was stunted that I would say such a thing she put down her book and told me i was right.... point being I am not stupid because I am a kid...wisdom doesn't come with age...it comes with experience...and that is something I have had plenty of.... we take what we get in life good or bad. And make it into the best we can....
NOTHING GIRL...
Maybe I wear baggies and white socks with flip-flops, maybe I don't like listening to rave and I'm not on the social mountaintops, maybe I don't care about the things that make your worlds twirl, maybe you look at me and think: Gee, what a nothing girl.
Maybe I like giving smiles which seems to be a sin today, and maybe I allow my imagination to sometimes run away, maybe you don't understand this and that's why you cannot see, if this make me a nothing girl, hey, that's ok with me!
The world makes you believe your personality mustn't be detected, your face must be picture perfect and wear cloths just the best, to be accepted. Maybe I look at you and feel sorry that you're blind, robots you have became, yourself you'll never find.
God made you, as well as me, this means I am something, the world is a liar and if I must be a nothing for you to see it, then so be it!
As much as I want to give you advice...I won't.... sometimes what a person needs more than advice is someone who will just shut up listen and then walk away. We don't need to be told right from wrong that is a decision we make ourselves all we need is comfort. Don't dwell in the past, don't get caught up in the future, but live the present.
L-O-S-T is a feeling I know very well. I feel blank all the time. Sometimes I wonder if I have feelings left. I don't like being lost but I don't remember how it feels to not be lost. I always feel cold and empty. My head spins. I sit in my room for hours thinking...only problem is that for me thinking is bad because I start to figure things out. The more I figure out the more I feel lost and hurt. My whole life I have always had my mom to tell me how I felt. Now that she is "gone" then I don't know what to feel. When I say gone I don't mean dead i mean she left about a year and a half ago. I don't miss her that’s not the feeling she wasn't a good mom at all I don't even know if I dare use the word mom for her. She was abusive mentally and physically. I spent most of the time taking her crap so she would get my little brother or my little sister. I protected them the best I could. I paid the price... I stay lost maybe it's better that way. But I can't lose my scares...mental is a lot worse than physically. I have been forced into seeing a physiatrist ...I have only had one visit...after she "analyzed" me she was looking trough a book when I asked what she was doing she said she was trying to find a citatory to put me under. My first response being.... WHY? When you look for wrong in a person you will find it when you look for good you will find it...You see what you look for. She was stunted that I would say such a thing she put down her book and told me i was right.... point being I am not stupid because I am a kid...wisdom doesn't come with age...it comes with experience...and that is something I have had plenty of.... we take what we get in life good or bad. And make it into the best we can....
NOTHING GIRL...
Maybe I wear baggies
and white socks with flip-flops,
maybe I don't like listening to rave
and I'm not on the social mountaintops,
maybe I don't care about the things
that make your worlds twirl,
maybe you look at me and think:
Gee, what a nothing girl.
Maybe I like giving smiles
which seems to be a sin today,
and maybe I allow my imagination
to sometimes run away,
maybe you don't understand this
and that's why you cannot see,
if this make me a nothing girl,
hey, that's ok with me!
The world makes you believe
your personality mustn't be detected,
your face must be picture perfect
and wear cloths just the best, to be accepted.
Maybe I look at you
and feel sorry that you're blind,
robots you have became,
yourself you'll never find.
God made you, as well as me,
this means I am something,
the world is a liar
and if I must be a nothing
for you to see it,
then so be it!
As much as I want to give you advice...I won't.... sometimes what a person needs more than advice is someone who will just shut up listen and then walk away. We don't need to be told right from wrong that is a decision we make ourselves all we need is comfort. Don't dwell in the past, don't get caught up in the future, but live the present.
God bless,
Chloe
May I ask why you are lost?
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