Feels like home
i go blank everytime i open this up. I guess it is because all of the sudden it has become the thing that hurts me the most.
Questions from life:
How can you love and hate and care for someone so much all at the same time?
Why isn't having something once enough?
Why can't you make someone love you? And if you can, why can't you save them?
Where did things break down?
With so many good people running around, why can't I actually be attracted to one of them?
Goddamn. Im a good catch. Why is this all so difficult. I don't remember much about him. Everything about him was so fleeting always. I wonder what he is doing sometimes, but, mostly, I just have fun. I always know he would be happier with me. In a lot of ways he was more immature than I was. I can't explain to him the way people change when they get in a relationship. Im different now. I was a lot crazier before, now. Just like he probably was, is now. But, well, I know he would be happier with me. I am happier now. Tonight, tomorrow, the next day. It isn't the satisfying happiness you SHOULD get from a relationship, but it was what I gave him. I won. It sucks, but I did.
F....
Tomorrow. Write.
Questions from life:
How can you love and hate and care for someone so much all at the same time?
Why isn't having something once enough?
Why can't you make someone love you? And if you can, why can't you save them?
Where did things break down?
With so many good people running around, why can't I actually be attracted to one of them?
Goddamn. Im a good catch. Why is this all so difficult. I don't remember much about him. Everything about him was so fleeting always. I wonder what he is doing sometimes, but, mostly, I just have fun. I always know he would be happier with me. In a lot of ways he was more immature than I was. I can't explain to him the way people change when they get in a relationship. Im different now. I was a lot crazier before, now. Just like he probably was, is now. But, well, I know he would be happier with me. I am happier now. Tonight, tomorrow, the next day. It isn't the satisfying happiness you SHOULD get from a relationship, but it was what I gave him. I won. It sucks, but I did.
F....
Tomorrow. Write.