a little rant about people, relationships, and communication
it seems now is the time for me to run in to previous hook ups of mine, be polite to them, have them fall all over themselves to explain they're sorry, they were just all fucked up before but NOW will actually call....
whatever. i know my number has been the same since i moved back home in 2003.
thursday night i had a fight with Jeremy (not the J i've referenced in my stories) about his dumb ass not calling me, and how sporadic our hook ups are, and about how ridiculously different he is when we're alone because we have mutual friends and doesn't want to explain to them that he and i fuck every so often. (you don't have to tell anyone anything, really, so what's your real problem? how long do i have to wait for you to just call your own bullshit?!) i guess it wasn't really a fight but it was a heated conversation. i'm sorry, but you don't spend 3 hours flirting with me to turn around and ditch me at the last minute and blame it on how you're just indecisive. i don't have much patience for that.
and last night i ran into Mat, a guy i haven't actually seen in almost a year. i am glad now that he and i never did actually have sex. this fucker came onto me five ways to tuesday when we first met, then spent the next several weeks making plans with me only to always fucking bail on me. i got tired of that after a month, deleted his number, and hoped he was being tortured in a basement somewhere. he was out at the bar last night because it was his birthday.
he ended up coming over. we talked, we got into bed, and just honestly slept. it was nice, but he's not off my shit list yet. he gave me his number and asked me to call him. then he decided since he knows i'm at work today that he'll just come bug me there. i reminded him that he's said such things before and never followed through then, so i don't expect him to follow through now. i am not holding my breath, despite his repeated apologies for how much of a douche he was to me and gave me the line of how he was in a fucked up place and needed to sort shit out.
you know what, guys? here's a newsflash. everyone goes through shit. you don't have to be so fucking stoic and tough. when you're so busy being an island, trying to work things out by yourself and shutting yourself away from people, you miss out on awesome opportunities, like the chance to hang out with me. and unlike those insecure and stupid bitches you're always reluctant to talk about who have burned you before, i am NOT THAT GIRL. i won't freak out when you need space. i won't tell you to fuck off for needing to sort shit out, but i need you to tell me where you are and what you need. otherwise, then i WILL assume the problem is me. why? because i don't know about any other problems.
hasn't anyone figured out that we're ALL fucked up? seriously, it's either your parents who did it to you, or someone you dated, or sudden serious health problems, or friends who fucked you over or were lost through tragic circumstances....look, i get it. it's not like my life is devoid of issues. so please, grow up, and learn to communicate like an adult.
i know how hard it is to put yourself out there, to face rejection yet again, to be so afraid of what may happen that you feel completely immobilized. but seriously. i mean, come on. we're all dealing with it, whether we talk about it or not.
if you didn't get the memo, the time to come clean is now. just fucking do it, because none of us really has that much time. we're better off spending it together than alone, miserable, and drowning our sorrows to ignore the pain.
whatever. i know my number has been the same since i moved back home in 2003.
thursday night i had a fight with Jeremy (not the J i've referenced in my stories) about his dumb ass not calling me, and how sporadic our hook ups are, and about how ridiculously different he is when we're alone because we have mutual friends and doesn't want to explain to them that he and i fuck every so often. (you don't have to tell anyone anything, really, so what's your real problem? how long do i have to wait for you to just call your own bullshit?!) i guess it wasn't really a fight but it was a heated conversation. i'm sorry, but you don't spend 3 hours flirting with me to turn around and ditch me at the last minute and blame it on how you're just indecisive. i don't have much patience for that.
and last night i ran into Mat, a guy i haven't actually seen in almost a year. i am glad now that he and i never did actually have sex. this fucker came onto me five ways to tuesday when we first met, then spent the next several weeks making plans with me only to always fucking bail on me. i got tired of that after a month, deleted his number, and hoped he was being tortured in a basement somewhere. he was out at the bar last night because it was his birthday.
he ended up coming over. we talked, we got into bed, and just honestly slept. it was nice, but he's not off my shit list yet. he gave me his number and asked me to call him. then he decided since he knows i'm at work today that he'll just come bug me there. i reminded him that he's said such things before and never followed through then, so i don't expect him to follow through now. i am not holding my breath, despite his repeated apologies for how much of a douche he was to me and gave me the line of how he was in a fucked up place and needed to sort shit out.
you know what, guys? here's a newsflash. everyone goes through shit. you don't have to be so fucking stoic and tough. when you're so busy being an island, trying to work things out by yourself and shutting yourself away from people, you miss out on awesome opportunities, like the chance to hang out with me. and unlike those insecure and stupid bitches you're always reluctant to talk about who have burned you before, i am NOT THAT GIRL. i won't freak out when you need space. i won't tell you to fuck off for needing to sort shit out, but i need you to tell me where you are and what you need. otherwise, then i WILL assume the problem is me. why? because i don't know about any other problems.
hasn't anyone figured out that we're ALL fucked up? seriously, it's either your parents who did it to you, or someone you dated, or sudden serious health problems, or friends who fucked you over or were lost through tragic circumstances....look, i get it. it's not like my life is devoid of issues. so please, grow up, and learn to communicate like an adult.
i know how hard it is to put yourself out there, to face rejection yet again, to be so afraid of what may happen that you feel completely immobilized. but seriously. i mean, come on. we're all dealing with it, whether we talk about it or not.
if you didn't get the memo, the time to come clean is now. just fucking do it, because none of us really has that much time. we're better off spending it together than alone, miserable, and drowning our sorrows to ignore the pain.