# 12
It's strange.
It's strange how someone can hate another so much they would do anything to ruin that person's life / see that person go down.
It's strange when some friendships and relationships feels like a burden than as a source of joy.
It's strange how to survive, we have to fake our feelings and actions, just so we can keep our source of income. So we can continue living, cause we can't live without money.
[I am a stranger to maself]I have to say I am quite a vengeful person. I remember all the bad and all the good people that I meet throughout my life had given me. I keep grudges. However, I never acted on any. Simply because I think it's a waste of time and I have better things to do with my time, with my life. But I still keep everything in my memory. I still remember. I'll always remember.
I want to find love. Love as in a relationship; boyfriend girlfriend, husband wife - type of love. But I don't want it to happen now. I'm not sure if it's because I'm not ready or am I scared? I really don't know. I just don't feel like I am interested to be in love, now. I want a baby, so bad, though. lol
I sometimes think a part of me wants to be bad. I want to be rude, mean, cruel to people and do evil things. But I feel being a bad person doesn't benefit me in any form or way in my life. So, I'll stick to being a good person /for now/ hehee. I don't hurt people, people won't hurt me.
I want to find happiness. But what is happiness, anyway? Maybe I should accept things the way they are and be grateful. But I shouldn't settle for less when I can have and deserve more, right? Right!
I honestly feel I am still trying to find my way. Or maybe I'm finding myself.
I don't know what I'm trying to say. haha..ha.. /shrug
It's strange how someone can hate another so much they would do anything to ruin that person's life / see that person go down.
It's strange when some friendships and relationships feels like a burden than as a source of joy.
It's strange how to survive, we have to fake our feelings and actions, just so we can keep our source of income. So we can continue living, cause we can't live without money.
[I am a stranger to maself]I have to say I am quite a vengeful person. I remember all the bad and all the good people that I meet throughout my life had given me. I keep grudges. However, I never acted on any. Simply because I think it's a waste of time and I have better things to do with my time, with my life. But I still keep everything in my memory. I still remember. I'll always remember.
I want to find love. Love as in a relationship; boyfriend girlfriend, husband wife - type of love. But I don't want it to happen now. I'm not sure if it's because I'm not ready or am I scared? I really don't know. I just don't feel like I am interested to be in love, now. I want a baby, so bad, though. lol
I sometimes think a part of me wants to be bad. I want to be rude, mean, cruel to people and do evil things. But I feel being a bad person doesn't benefit me in any form or way in my life. So, I'll stick to being a good person /for now/ hehee. I don't hurt people, people won't hurt me.
I want to find happiness. But what is happiness, anyway? Maybe I should accept things the way they are and be grateful. But I shouldn't settle for less when I can have and deserve more, right? Right!
I honestly feel I am still trying to find my way. Or maybe I'm finding myself.
I don't know what I'm trying to say. haha..ha.. /shrug