Movie (Half) Review
oOo~Guys & Dolls~oOo
My an analysis of the beginning few scenes...
and then a little half bonus at the end
and one nice picture thrown in.
This Broadway Musical remake, originally written by Frank Loesser, opens in sunny Times Square. Big signs float above the heavily crowded streets, advertising Binkey blended Whiskey and Percs Cars while a farce of crooked characters go through the rituals. Inside every phone booth, a man in suit and derby hat bets on the horse with the longest nose, on ever corner a hustler takes your money, while somewhere else some shmuck's solid gold watch is snatched from his pocket. The police are oblivious, making this every rotten scoundrel's paradise, and the Save-a-Soul missionaries blocking traffic outside Jone's and Trands Bar have their work cut out for them.
Skipping along past the first two long-winded music numbers in which neither Frank nor Marlon Brando appear once, we find Harry the Horse, Benny Southstreet and Nicely-Nicely Johnson standing outside a barber shop creatively titled... Barber Shop. -_-;
Harry the Horse makes like a tough Italian big shot, first hiding like a three year old from his daddy who finally found out who stuck Ms. Kibbles in the tree... or might as well have been, whilst he pressed his face up against a window as if that would keep the police off his back, if anything it made him seem all the more willing to get jumped >;3
*A hem* Finding his kinks unsatisfied, he finds no batton-wielding officers but two oddly congenial mobster's working under professional gambler, Nathan Detroit (Frank). Harry, recently loaded with the money he collected on his fatha - nice man that he is - is looking for action and warns Benny & Johnson that if Nathan doesn't find a safe place for his 'floating craps game' he's gonna go elsewhere to throw his money away -- and look for new papa's to turn in most likely, how else are ya supposed to make a livin'?
Speaking of older men, Lt. Brannigan, an Irishmen who likes to speak of himself in third person and who also has a penchant for Nathan Detroit - and who coincidently happens to be the second Irishmen with a thing for Frank since Gene Kelly in Anchors Aweigh - tells Benny & Johnson the deal: if he catches Nathan running another illegal 'floating craps game', his ass is cooked!
Huffy and dieing to make that promise come true, Lt. Brannigan struts out of the Barber Shop and there must be some ripe good pictures on the brain if he didn't even notice Nathan sidle right on by him on his way to meet Benny & Johnson. Sad and despondent, Nathan looks less than thrilled about something. Here's a clue:
Johnson: 'Nathan, you're lucky, you just missed Brannigan.'
Nathan shrugs his shoulders and repeats, less than thrilled: 'I'm *lucky*, I just missed Brannigan.'
Translation: 'F*ck, my boyfriend didn't even notice me!'
... Don't cry, Frank, it happens... :'-(
Benny: 'He left a message for you, he said ta tell ya--'
Nathan: 'I am *not* gonna find another place for my crap game.'
Whoa! Hold up, somebody's already had this little talkin' to, and not just from the fiance neither >;3
All this talk of boyfriends and fiances makes Frank decide to check his weight ^^;;; a measly 129 pd. Frank shakes his head sadly and steps off the scale, either cuz he's so fricken thin or just not thin enough... with Frank it's hard to tell... but today is not a day for sadness. In fact, Nathan has a reason to celebrate. Today is his and Adelaide's fourteenth anniversary! :3 Awww, Frank, erm, Nathan, who knew ya had it in ya...!
Nathan: 'We have been engaged for fourteen years to today.'
... ^^;;; oh wow, Frank, even you can't be that lame... well, guess I was wrong :P (That even more pathetic than Al from 'My Friend Irma' holding out on marrying Irma for six years but in the end of the film walks down the aisle with Jerry Lewis... no wait, that's not pathetic, that's brilliant, despite the fact that Dean must've been uber jealous.)
But anyway, back to *this* movie. After a series of events in which every man in Barber Shop literally sings Nathan's praises:
"If you're looking for action, he'll turn it to spot,
Even when the heat is on, it's never too hot."
Why, them's doity words... ~_^ ... right Frank?
"If the size of your bundle you want to increase,
I'll arrange that you go broke in quiet and peace."
Right, thought so... anywayz..
Walkin' down the sidewalk with Benny & Johnson at his heels, Nathan is greeted by an old guy named Angie. Angie tells Nathan that high-roller, Sky Masterson ( Brando) is sitting in Mindy's eating a steak breakfast. Now that's three people 'good ol' reliable' has to think about now: Adelaide, Brannigan and Sky. Instead of going to check his weight again, Frank, Benny & Johnson high-tail it to Mindy's where Frank frets over Max the Waiter giving him cheesecake instead of Danish... it's the little things in life that matter after all, forget that he has no money, still needs to buy an anniversary gift for his psychosomatic girlfriend and Brannigan's wanting to goose, erm, I mean cook, his tight behind in hot oils... I mean acid! ^^;;;;
Somewhere between cheesecake and talking business, Frank spots Marlon Brando sitting in the back of Mindy's. Frank concocts an idea to get rid of Benny & Johnson by sending them to the kitchen to count desserts and thereby plan his advances... after all, it's Brando, the most gorgeous man with a lisp ever known to mankind *__*
Staring hard at Brando, Frank doesn't notice his fiance of *14* years strut by... Unruffled, Adelaide turns around and tries again. This time covering his eyes with her hands.
Nathan nearly jumps out of his shoes: 'Brannigan! Stop breathing down my neck!'
... *__* dude, Frank, you just mistook your girlfriends come on for Brannigan's...
Adelaide, who bears an uncanny resemblance to Harley Quinn, and sounds like her too, gives Frank a small tap on the wrist: 'Why Nathan! How could you think I was Lt. Brannigan, we don't even use the same perfume?' ... X3
What kind *does* he use, Adelaide? ;3
Nathan: 'I was kinda daydreaming, I guess...'
... Daydreaming about Brannigan sneaking up behind you to breathe down your neck? That's not unusual at all...
Adelaide: 'I don't daydream about detectives, Nathan, even in the day time.'
... It's not about *you*, lady. If Frank wants to daydream about policemen breathing on him who cares *what* time of day it is! x_x
Adelaide: 'Do you know what I dream about?' Nathan shakes his head. 'You.' Nathan rolls his eyes. 'And your career as a businessman in a normal business,' she says, changing the subject for Nathan's sake. 'And *our* career together as a ... normal husband and wife.'
As though the very idea that Frank could perform as a normal husband causes an allergic reaction, Adelaide sneezes.
Nathan: 'Your cold does not seem to be getting any better.'
Adelaide shrugs cheerily - brave girl... 'It's just a chronic condition.' You could say that twice! o.o; 'Nathan, speaking of chronic conditions--' but oops, Frank---Nathan lost interest and the camera takes us to what he's staring at... well, who would'a thunk it, it's Sky Masterson reading a newspaper. The only way Adelaide could get him out of his daydreams now is to stick something in front of his face... and she does, and look! Presents!
Adelaide: 'Happy anniversary,' she gushes. 'Guess what's inside.'
Nathan, suddenly hopeful: 'A thousand bucks.' ... Oh yeah, Nathan, that's real romantic... :P Nathan opens up the box and finds two pieces of paper with the words General Manager scribbled on them... 'General Manager of what?' he asks, suddenly nervous.
Adelaide: 'General Manager of whatever you put your mind on.' ... right, as cute as that is, Frank's mind is on Brando right now so don't encourage 'em, tuts... unless you *want* to... >;3 Sheepishly, Frank apologizes for not getting Adelaide a present. 'Oh, I don't mind if you don't get me a present, Nathan, it makes me feel like we're married...' ... ^^;;; How'd Frank ever find this loony-tune? 'Nathan, darling, there isn't anything I couldn't do without, just as long as you don't start running that crap game again...'
I'm sure Lt. Brannigan shares your sentiments, honey... ^o^
Suddenly, Benny & Johnson appear, closely tailed by Harry the Horse but Frank doesn't have time for this. Frank's now standing on the balls of his feet, straining to get another look at Brando. With a little slight of hand, Frank tries to get rid of Adelaide until she calls him on it. Frank says he's expecting a very important businessman and that dolls make em noivous... gee, I wonder what *that* means? Before she skidaddles with Benny & Johnson escorting her to work, Adelaide makes a point of the fact that she's paying her own cab fair cuz Frank obviously isn't thoughtful that way ^^;;;
... and finally Frank's alone at last. ::breathe sigh of relief::
Soon, Brando folds up his newspaper and tries to leave. Thinking fast, Frank and his cheesecake slide over to another seat. When Brando walks by, Frank invites him to sit down with him, 'Or maybe you're in a hurry?'
Brando drops his hat on the table, says 'My daddy always said there's only one time in a man's life when he should be in a hurry, when the cops are running up the stairs.'
Guess Frank isn't the only one daydreaming about cops. ~_^
Frank suggest that Brando order a dessert... Brando changes the subject, 'I understand that Lt. Brannigan is corking up the town,' meanwhile Brando is staring curiously at Adelaide's gift: General Manager... hmmmm.... >;3
Frank shrugs: 'Who worries about Brannigan,' tapping Brando's hand affectionately, he says with the first twinkle in his eye he's had this whole time, 'How was Vegas?'
Translation: 'Screw, Brannigan, I wanna talk about *you*!'
Brando recounts a romantic story in which he compares Vegas to paradise and gambling with green pastures ... Frank must have little hearts floating above his head to hear this and offers Brando a bite of his cheesecake. But Brando ain't bitin' yet...
Nathan: 'How long you gonna be in town?'
Translation: 'At the rate your moving I'm gonna need all the time I can get!'
Brando says he's leaving tomorrow for Havana. Frank jumps and offers to spoon-feed Brando the last morsels of cheesecake of his plate. *__* desperate much?
Brando, playing dumb, says: 'I couldn't swallow a mouthful.'
... *__* I was wrong, now THEMS doity woids!!! Annoyed, Frank drops the plate back on the table and mopes.
Sky Masterson (Brando) acquaints himself with Nathan's (Frank) polka dot tie... >;3
Brando changes the subject by surreptitiously asking Frank how Adelaide's doing. Hmmm... apparently Nathan and Sky know each other *very* well by this point... but Frank's still moping...
Nathan: 'Fine... fine...' he murmurs.
Translation: I don't t wanna talk about 'er, dammit stop playing so hard to get!' >.<
A weird conversation ensues in which Sky tells Nathan that 'no doll can take the place of aces.'
Desperate to get the conversation back to Sky, Nathan asks Sky's opinion of Mindy's cheesecake. Again with the friggin' cheesecake, Frank you'll ruin your teeth!
Staring side-ways at Nathan with a suggestive smile, Sky says, 'It is to my understanding that the constistution of the United States allows people the free choice between cheesecake and streudal...' .
Like, hmmmmm... wonder what *that* means... if you could see the ironic grin on Brando's face you'd know exactly what it means >;3
It's just like that scene in Sparticus when the Roman Senator (Laurence Ollivier) asked his slave boy (Tony Curtis) if he preferred oysters or clams >:3 a scene so suggestive, especially taken into the fact both men were in the bath at the time, that it won a mention in Celluloid Closet.
... ... ...
Bonus Conversation between Nathan and Lt. Brannigan:
Why is it Frank gets really really gay whenever Lt. Brannigan shows up? And yeah, every mobster Frank got inside Mindy's is wearing red carnations. Brannigan comes in and comments the flowers, 'Well, well, such *lovely* red carnations.' Then motions Frank over with just the wave of his finger... and Frank obeys... and then Brannigan leans down to take a long sniff of Frank's carnation *____* and then their faces are real close... then there was this weird conversation....
Brannigan: 'What brings all these senior delinquents together?'
Nathan: 'They got lonely, how do I know?'
Brannigan: 'And why are they all wearing red carnations?
Nathan: 'They are also all wearing *pants*...
Brannigan: You are up to no good, Detroit--
Nathan: '--Is it now a crime to wear flowers? Is Mindy suddenly a hide-out for gangsters? Lieutenant, I'll confess, we're smuggling hot cheese cake...' ::waxing dramatics:: 'to Canada!'
What? ... *More* cheesecake?!
But without a doubt, the best one-liner in this movie is when Nathan (Frank) asks Mafia Boss, Big Julie... 'Could I have a swallow of your milk?' ... X3