I-Search Rough Draft
Ravyn Granholm
WR121
I-Search Rough Draft
“I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!”
Most people will recognize this quote from the 1976 film Network, starring William Holden and Faye Dunaway. However, most of these people do not realize that the film was inspired by a true event.
In 1974 Christine Chubbuck, a 29 year old news anchor from Sarasota, Florida shot herself in the head during a live broadcast. Her last words were “In keeping with channel 40’s policy of bringing you the latest in blood and guts in living color, you’re going to see another first, an attempted suicide.” Christine pulled a gun out of a paper bag and proceeded to shoot herself in the head while the cameras were rolling (UPI 1).
I had first heard about Christine’s story a couple years ago and it always stuck with me. How in the world could someone commit suicide? And how could they be hurting so badly that they felt it necessary to make it public, as if to say “This is what it’s come to,” or “See what you made me do?”
I also began to wonder what happens that makes someone take that final step? Realistically, I think that everybody has thought about suicide to some degree. Maybe more in a “It’s A Wonderful Life” capacity. What would the world be like if I were gone? Who would come to my funeral? Would Old Man Potter finally get his way?
I wish that I could talk to Christine. What made you think that this was your only option? But you can’t talk to the dead. My next bet would be to talk to someone who had attempted suicide and survived. One person immediately sprang to mind, and I knew I was in for a difficult journey.
I decided to meet my mother online for our interview.
Mom has schizoaffective disorder. Throughout my childhood she had attempted suicide several times, usually by overdosing on her Coumadin. My first memory of one of her attempts was on Christmas Eve when I was about 8 or 9. She had taken several blood thinners over the course of a couple of days, hoping to kill herself and make it look like natural causes (Granholm). Her body was bruised everywhere. She called my dad at work, who came rushing home. He arrived about when the ambulance did. As the ambulance hurriedly drove away through the snow, I asked my dad if mom would be okay. For the first time he told me the truth, “I don’t know.”
Mom’s first suicide attempt happened when she was 8 years old. Mom and her brother Gary were both adopted. Their parents, Ruth and Glenn were heavy alcoholics. The evening routine would be for Ruth and Glenn to scream at each other while Mom and Gary hid in her room covering their ears and crying. One day Mom put a pillow over her face while the fighting was going on and tried to smother herself to death.
I asked my mother what in particular made her want to die. “I was tired of living and in most cases I had command voices urging me on,” she replied.
It was then that I realized that although not everybody that is suicidal has schizoaffective disorder, they all have one thing in common. Their reality is altered enough to make them think that suicide is not only the best option, but it is the only option.
“What’s your best advice to give to someone who is suicidal?” I asked.
“That’s the hardest one,” she said. “I think don’t isolate and stay connected, talking honestly about what’s going on in your life.”
I found this interesting because I also asked this question to Glen Granholm, author, former drug & alcohol counselor, and my dad. He was married to my mother until I was 10 years old, and definitely has a lot of experience dealing with suicidal behavior.
His answer? “Call 9-11. I can’t put it any clearer.”
I agree with Dad. Suicidal people don’t always want to share every little thing, because they think that it isn’t relevant. They think their problems aren’t worth other peoples’ time.
One of the biggest predictors for a future suicide is previous attempts (Nickerson and Slater 219). I would think this would be pretty obvious. However, it is important to note that a suicide attempt is unlikely to be a onetime thing. If you know somebody is suicidal, it will not magically fix itself.
Suicide is a much bigger problem than we as a society like to acknowledge. Among young people, suicide claims more lives than cancer, AIDS, heart disease, birth defects, and diabetes combined (Miller, Mazza and Eckert 168-169).
So what can be done? It feels like a helpless situation.
There are a few things that I think would help.
First of all, talk as much as possible! Are you suspicious that someone you know may be harming themselves? Simply being nice to them isn’t going to stop any cycles. Ask them upfront. “Are you suicidal?” They might get angry. They might get offended. You might save their life.
Secondly, don’t be afraid to call 9-11. That’s what they are there for. They are there to save lives. Suicidal people don’t think their problems are worth bothering other people. They are wrong. Prove to them that they are wrong. They have every right to live and enjoy life.
A study found that people who have some manner of spirituality have better mental health. And people with better mental health are less susceptible to depression and suicidal tendencies (Taliaferro 88).
I’m not suggesting that everybody goes door-to-door spouting off their favorite religion. But it’s possible for anybody to be spiritual (even dirty Atheists, like me). Meditation, journaling, goal planning, daily affirmations, music! These are all very spiritual activities, and can be done with or without a stereotypical belief system.
One of my biggest fears is having to identify my mom’s body in the morgue after a successful suicide attempt. I don’t want that. And I don’t want any other daughter, mother, father, son, sister or brother to have to go through that either.
The answer is to communicate. Validate people. We all have the right to feel any way we want to. Suicidal people are not crazy. They need help that they do not have the resources to get themselves. Each of us makes up those resources. It’s time to start acting the part.
Stand up. Shout. Tell the people you love that you love them.
Works Cited
Granholm, Glen. Experience, Strength & Hope. Portland: Inkwater Press, 2006.
Miller, David N., James J. Mazza and Tanya L. Eckert. "Suicide Prevention Programs in the Schools: A Review and Public Health Perspective." School Psychology Review (2009): 168-169.
Nickerson, Amanda B. and Evan D. Slater. "School and Community Violence and Victimization as Predictors of Adolescent Suicidal Behavior." School Psychology Review (2009): 219.
Taliaferro, Lindsay A., et al. "Spiritual Well-Being and Suicidal Ideation Among College Students." Journal of American College Health (2009): 88.
UPI. "Viewers See Death On Screen." Ellensburg Daily Record 16 July 1974: 1.
WR121
I-Search Rough Draft
“I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!”
Most people will recognize this quote from the 1976 film Network, starring William Holden and Faye Dunaway. However, most of these people do not realize that the film was inspired by a true event.
In 1974 Christine Chubbuck, a 29 year old news anchor from Sarasota, Florida shot herself in the head during a live broadcast. Her last words were “In keeping with channel 40’s policy of bringing you the latest in blood and guts in living color, you’re going to see another first, an attempted suicide.” Christine pulled a gun out of a paper bag and proceeded to shoot herself in the head while the cameras were rolling (UPI 1).
I had first heard about Christine’s story a couple years ago and it always stuck with me. How in the world could someone commit suicide? And how could they be hurting so badly that they felt it necessary to make it public, as if to say “This is what it’s come to,” or “See what you made me do?”
I also began to wonder what happens that makes someone take that final step? Realistically, I think that everybody has thought about suicide to some degree. Maybe more in a “It’s A Wonderful Life” capacity. What would the world be like if I were gone? Who would come to my funeral? Would Old Man Potter finally get his way?
I wish that I could talk to Christine. What made you think that this was your only option? But you can’t talk to the dead. My next bet would be to talk to someone who had attempted suicide and survived. One person immediately sprang to mind, and I knew I was in for a difficult journey.
I decided to meet my mother online for our interview.
Mom has schizoaffective disorder. Throughout my childhood she had attempted suicide several times, usually by overdosing on her Coumadin. My first memory of one of her attempts was on Christmas Eve when I was about 8 or 9. She had taken several blood thinners over the course of a couple of days, hoping to kill herself and make it look like natural causes (Granholm). Her body was bruised everywhere. She called my dad at work, who came rushing home. He arrived about when the ambulance did. As the ambulance hurriedly drove away through the snow, I asked my dad if mom would be okay. For the first time he told me the truth, “I don’t know.”
Mom’s first suicide attempt happened when she was 8 years old. Mom and her brother Gary were both adopted. Their parents, Ruth and Glenn were heavy alcoholics. The evening routine would be for Ruth and Glenn to scream at each other while Mom and Gary hid in her room covering their ears and crying. One day Mom put a pillow over her face while the fighting was going on and tried to smother herself to death.
I asked my mother what in particular made her want to die. “I was tired of living and in most cases I had command voices urging me on,” she replied.
It was then that I realized that although not everybody that is suicidal has schizoaffective disorder, they all have one thing in common. Their reality is altered enough to make them think that suicide is not only the best option, but it is the only option.
“What’s your best advice to give to someone who is suicidal?” I asked.
“That’s the hardest one,” she said. “I think don’t isolate and stay connected, talking honestly about what’s going on in your life.”
I found this interesting because I also asked this question to Glen Granholm, author, former drug & alcohol counselor, and my dad. He was married to my mother until I was 10 years old, and definitely has a lot of experience dealing with suicidal behavior.
His answer? “Call 9-11. I can’t put it any clearer.”
I agree with Dad. Suicidal people don’t always want to share every little thing, because they think that it isn’t relevant. They think their problems aren’t worth other peoples’ time.
One of the biggest predictors for a future suicide is previous attempts (Nickerson and Slater 219). I would think this would be pretty obvious. However, it is important to note that a suicide attempt is unlikely to be a onetime thing. If you know somebody is suicidal, it will not magically fix itself.
Suicide is a much bigger problem than we as a society like to acknowledge. Among young people, suicide claims more lives than cancer, AIDS, heart disease, birth defects, and diabetes combined (Miller, Mazza and Eckert 168-169).
So what can be done? It feels like a helpless situation.
There are a few things that I think would help.
First of all, talk as much as possible! Are you suspicious that someone you know may be harming themselves? Simply being nice to them isn’t going to stop any cycles. Ask them upfront. “Are you suicidal?” They might get angry. They might get offended. You might save their life.
Secondly, don’t be afraid to call 9-11. That’s what they are there for. They are there to save lives. Suicidal people don’t think their problems are worth bothering other people. They are wrong. Prove to them that they are wrong. They have every right to live and enjoy life.
A study found that people who have some manner of spirituality have better mental health. And people with better mental health are less susceptible to depression and suicidal tendencies (Taliaferro 88).
I’m not suggesting that everybody goes door-to-door spouting off their favorite religion. But it’s possible for anybody to be spiritual (even dirty Atheists, like me). Meditation, journaling, goal planning, daily affirmations, music! These are all very spiritual activities, and can be done with or without a stereotypical belief system.
One of my biggest fears is having to identify my mom’s body in the morgue after a successful suicide attempt. I don’t want that. And I don’t want any other daughter, mother, father, son, sister or brother to have to go through that either.
The answer is to communicate. Validate people. We all have the right to feel any way we want to. Suicidal people are not crazy. They need help that they do not have the resources to get themselves. Each of us makes up those resources. It’s time to start acting the part.
Stand up. Shout. Tell the people you love that you love them.
Works Cited
Granholm, Glen. Experience, Strength & Hope. Portland: Inkwater Press, 2006.
Miller, David N., James J. Mazza and Tanya L. Eckert. "Suicide Prevention Programs in the Schools: A Review and Public Health Perspective." School Psychology Review (2009): 168-169.
Nickerson, Amanda B. and Evan D. Slater. "School and Community Violence and Victimization as Predictors of Adolescent Suicidal Behavior." School Psychology Review (2009): 219.
Taliaferro, Lindsay A., et al. "Spiritual Well-Being and Suicidal Ideation Among College Students." Journal of American College Health (2009): 88.
UPI. "Viewers See Death On Screen." Ellensburg Daily Record 16 July 1974: 1.