So many things have changed...
I don't think anyone actually reads fucking livejournal anymore, proabably why I'm writing here. So much has changed since my last post...I'm so much happier, so much more depressed, so much more cynical, so much more...I don't know...DIFERENT.
Life moves on, and I guess I've just had to grab on and ride the merry-go-round. No one's kicked me off yet, just punched me in the gut a few times. People dying sucks. People dying tragically and too early in their life sucks even more. Divorce sucks. People in general just abso-fucking-lutely blow. People do stupid shit all the time... Why the hell are we here? Everything is so goddam complicated and yet so fucking simple: live -->die. Honestly...
I was in love. I really truly believe that I was. And he changed. This is twice now. What the hell is my problem? I'm having to let him go now...I don't love him like I did anymore...I love him as a friend, and not much more. I still love the idea, and that is what has let me hang on this long. I can't stand this.
People really are here just to hurt each other. Perhaps one day I really will find that one someone who will provide me with more joy than pain, but once again it's going to take me a really really long time to trust anyone enough to try. Perhaps that is the worst of this...trust and faith. I'm losing more and more everyday.
I could write so uch more...I guess...but it would all say the same thing, and it would all reveal the same things about me:
I'm bitter, I'm jaded, and I'm cynical.
maybe someone will come along someday and change all that, but for now...I remain...
Life moves on, and I guess I've just had to grab on and ride the merry-go-round. No one's kicked me off yet, just punched me in the gut a few times. People dying sucks. People dying tragically and too early in their life sucks even more. Divorce sucks. People in general just abso-fucking-lutely blow. People do stupid shit all the time... Why the hell are we here? Everything is so goddam complicated and yet so fucking simple: live -->die. Honestly...
I was in love. I really truly believe that I was. And he changed. This is twice now. What the hell is my problem? I'm having to let him go now...I don't love him like I did anymore...I love him as a friend, and not much more. I still love the idea, and that is what has let me hang on this long. I can't stand this.
People really are here just to hurt each other. Perhaps one day I really will find that one someone who will provide me with more joy than pain, but once again it's going to take me a really really long time to trust anyone enough to try. Perhaps that is the worst of this...trust and faith. I'm losing more and more everyday.
I could write so uch more...I guess...but it would all say the same thing, and it would all reveal the same things about me:
I'm bitter, I'm jaded, and I'm cynical.
maybe someone will come along someday and change all that, but for now...I remain...