this has been the weekend from hell
alright..fuck it...i know i posted like five minutes ago, bit what fucking ever...i don't give a shit...this weekend blows...and blows somemore...even fucking yule sucked...first my car fucking breaks again...whoo hoo! thats probably going to be around $200-300 to fucking fix...oh yea...isn't that just fucking grand? then my dad goes off and bitches at me for a phone bill of $19.00...ouch..what a massave amount of money when you have a fucking 6 digit income...yea, i know i said that i wouldn't call longdistance with out a card again, but it's kind of hard when you're depressed, you're girlfriend is depressed and she live fucking 3,200 miles away...so i'm stuck at my house, can't go anywhere cause of my fucking car, can't call anyone cause everyone i know that i can call is fucking long distance, can't be on the computer because my father is on just about every waking moment of the weekends. Then more shit, i get all depressed, and i have to sit in my room, alone, for massave amounts of time, and it only adds, then i try and hide it...hah...yea that fucking works...then my mother calls...i coudn't get the phone because i found at my dad had fucking disconnected it..i needed that call to, to know what time she needed me to come over and watch my little brother on the eve of thier holiday, chirstmas. so now i don't know what time, and i don't know when to call, and where..but oh well, eh, thats not that bad, i can find that out, and now heidi is acting all wierd, like she doesn't want to be around me, yet when my depression shows out she wants to stay, then i feel worse for keeping her there when she doesn't really want to be there...but she seems really distant these past couple days...and i think thats one of the reasons for my depression...she seems reluctant to tell me things...though no one likes to tell me things, so thats not new, but i just feel out of the loop and uninformed...and inadequate when she doesn't tell me things...like she won't tell me...but she'll tell other people...even if she's not telling anyone, i still get the feeling...that i'm not good enough...or i'm not there enough...and that she doesn't want to be around me anymore, she doesn't like talking to me anymore...which she used to, she used to talk to me...heh..i'm shaking now...i think i should stop now..before i get worse...bye...