(no subject)
I told some of you that I would post about this, and so I shall.
It was roughly 5 or 6 weeks ago that I first spoke with my friend Jordan Herbert about faith, or my importantly, my lack of faith. The following weeks leading up to Monday, March 21st, I thought continuously about the many things that we discussed. To elaborate a bit, I have always had the required knowledge of the Christian faith, I have read parts of the Bible, I knew of God's existence, and I knew that Christ died for my sins. I have known those things since grade school. But for some reason, as I explained to Jordan, I have always been too scared, too proud, or too angry to take the necessary steps to embrace Christ. Well in those weeks following out conversation I thought about that a lot. During that time every time that I had a want, a fear, a desire, God took care of them. I had a thought during that time that it just seemed like God was working through all of the people around me, for that is how he moves in our lives, through the believing people around us. Finally on Monday, about 10 major, very important things had happened to me, and I had been thinking about it so much, that I simply had to call Jordan and get his opinion on the matter. We talked for a bit, and I thought it would be just that, we would talk and he would tell me to stay strong or something like that. Instead out of the blue, he asked me how close I was to being saved. I told him that a month ago I would have said that I was never going to be saved, but that right at that moment I was only one step away. That is when he told me to pray. Right then and there, I dropped the phone, and with tears in my eyes, prayed to God for the very first time. The emotions that I felt came in two waves. First, the absolute and all consuming guilt of realizing with open eyes that every day of my life I have done so many things, sinned so much, that I couldn't help but cry. I used to be one of the most sacreligious people that I or any of my friends knew, I used to think that it was funny. The second emotion was a feeling of sheer amazement, for I knew a mere instant after I felt that guilt, that it no longer mattered. God had already forgiven everything. That is was Christianity is, not harsh rules and Bible thumping churches, but absolute love. Love without conditions, perfect love. The thing that I have been worshipping and searching for in humans, is in fact found only in Jesus Christ. Every day after that I have lived in awe. That night, I cried on the phone with Jordan, Jamie and Sarah, and cried in person with my friend Erin for about an hour.
Since then I have come to many amazing understandings of life, my abilities and the Christian way. The only thing that held me back was my pride. My stupid human pride. I didn't want to admit that we are all flawed and imperfect creatures. The changes in my life are amazing and many a person has been either overcome with joy, or weirded out beyond belief. That makes me laugh. I am almost nothing of what I used to be or act like. My music has changed, my writing has changed for one simple reason. God literally took away all of my fear, doubt, anger and pride. I realize now that God has a plan for me. Never before could I sit through class and pay attention, there was no point. Now there is a purpose to everyday, to everything that I do.
Simply amazing.
It was roughly 5 or 6 weeks ago that I first spoke with my friend Jordan Herbert about faith, or my importantly, my lack of faith. The following weeks leading up to Monday, March 21st, I thought continuously about the many things that we discussed. To elaborate a bit, I have always had the required knowledge of the Christian faith, I have read parts of the Bible, I knew of God's existence, and I knew that Christ died for my sins. I have known those things since grade school. But for some reason, as I explained to Jordan, I have always been too scared, too proud, or too angry to take the necessary steps to embrace Christ. Well in those weeks following out conversation I thought about that a lot. During that time every time that I had a want, a fear, a desire, God took care of them. I had a thought during that time that it just seemed like God was working through all of the people around me, for that is how he moves in our lives, through the believing people around us. Finally on Monday, about 10 major, very important things had happened to me, and I had been thinking about it so much, that I simply had to call Jordan and get his opinion on the matter. We talked for a bit, and I thought it would be just that, we would talk and he would tell me to stay strong or something like that. Instead out of the blue, he asked me how close I was to being saved. I told him that a month ago I would have said that I was never going to be saved, but that right at that moment I was only one step away. That is when he told me to pray. Right then and there, I dropped the phone, and with tears in my eyes, prayed to God for the very first time. The emotions that I felt came in two waves. First, the absolute and all consuming guilt of realizing with open eyes that every day of my life I have done so many things, sinned so much, that I couldn't help but cry. I used to be one of the most sacreligious people that I or any of my friends knew, I used to think that it was funny. The second emotion was a feeling of sheer amazement, for I knew a mere instant after I felt that guilt, that it no longer mattered. God had already forgiven everything. That is was Christianity is, not harsh rules and Bible thumping churches, but absolute love. Love without conditions, perfect love. The thing that I have been worshipping and searching for in humans, is in fact found only in Jesus Christ. Every day after that I have lived in awe. That night, I cried on the phone with Jordan, Jamie and Sarah, and cried in person with my friend Erin for about an hour.
Since then I have come to many amazing understandings of life, my abilities and the Christian way. The only thing that held me back was my pride. My stupid human pride. I didn't want to admit that we are all flawed and imperfect creatures. The changes in my life are amazing and many a person has been either overcome with joy, or weirded out beyond belief. That makes me laugh. I am almost nothing of what I used to be or act like. My music has changed, my writing has changed for one simple reason. God literally took away all of my fear, doubt, anger and pride. I realize now that God has a plan for me. Never before could I sit through class and pay attention, there was no point. Now there is a purpose to everyday, to everything that I do.
Simply amazing.