(no subject)
loanly rantings of a confused mind. sitting thinking wallowing in self pitty. you ware it like a badge of honor but at the same time you despise its vary existiance. your so loanly you can tast it on your tung like a over ripe fruit bursting with the bitterness of over thinking. you want nothing mroe than to be accepted to be loved but at the same time you fear all conatact. contact leads to feeling feelings always put youback in the place you are now. lost and alone. afraid so afraid you are you have no light in this darknes so you convice yourself you love the dark. you tell yourself that its were you belong. when in all reality you know not were you belong littel more than anyone else. you dream of love as if its the big answer, the big exlamation point to your soul. but you fear it because your logical. dispite your aperance your logical and you know that its no answer just another piece of the puzzle. you hurt yourself all the time. you punch a wall to feel the pain but its less and less. the walls fall down too easy so you hit things that leave nics and tears and for a moment you feel the pain. it distracts but this too is finite. your greatest fear is that there is no truth, that there is no other half. no real acceptence. that you are destened to see the world through the eyes of others but never feeling the joys they experance. you want to wake up, you scream to wake up. you smash yourself against the walls of your mind but you cant budge it. dreaming is were you live. but that just leads to never living at all...