gold. not the line. just gold
I'm posting this from my MySpace blog. I had been leaving all blogging alone for quite sometime. Now that I've written something for the internet, I thought I may as well post it on my livejournal as well. Here goes. ***
...
I come today with a question. (Always a question with me, I know.)
The question isn't any of the following:
- Am I good enough?
- Do I love myself?
- Do I deserve good things?
- Is it time I start getting the happiness I've worked so hard for?
- When will this hell end?
- Will I ever be healthy?
- Is the past behind me?/Will it ever be?
These questions don't bother to come around anymore. They're frustrating and irrelevent. I've taken to relevency lately (thank God), which is probably why my blogging has nearly halted.* No need to bother myself/let myself be bothered/bother the rest of the world with irrelevency. Not that my contemplation and exploration of these questions has been a waste by any means (it hasn't). It's more like... these irrelevent/once relevent questions have finally paid off.
Respectively, the answers are:
- Yes.
- Yes.
- Yes.
- Yes.
- Hell is subjective and personal.
- Health is subjective and personal.
- Yes, and before me, and with me./Always has been, always will be.
Today, I pose a more relevent (for this moment, anyway) question.
...
Nevermind. I lost it. I suppose it's already become obsolete. Making a point and expressing a point are two different things. Expressing a point and articulating a point are also different. I'll end this paragraph here before I say something I don't mean. Or before I insult somebody's intelligence.
In other/less abstract news (how boring):
I still live my quaint life in Highland Park/Los Angeles, California.
Back in school, studying the most holistic/beautiful/thorough/intuitive/logical system of health/life I've known to exist. It's known as Ayurveda.
I work three days a week at a lovely cafe in Eagle Rock called Auntie Em's. This pays the bills.
There is an interesting band called Big Whup that I've been invited to play with and have been doing so since February. We're recording next month.
Time management (another subjective and personal thing) is proving to be a frustrating and difficult concept for me to be conscious of. Familiar feelings. I'm starting to learn how to accept them.
For the first time, I'm happy to be falling in love. Another frustrating and difficult concept for a Sagittarian/Scorpio/Capricorn. But I must be overcoming my barriers of vanity, confusion, anger at the world, self-consciousness, needing to hide. Finding someone who operates on my same wavelength makes most of the difference.
Sorry to end with the boring news. Sorry to start with the rambling and abstract news. **
* The truth is, I don't know why I'm blogging right now. Perhaps it simply feels grounding. Write it down, they say. Down, down, down. Amy, come down. I can write this in my journal with a pen of any color, but I'm opting to blog. Maybe blogging is more than simply grounding. It's interactive. It says "here I am," without screaming "Here I am!"... and this has always been my style anyway. I'm choosing to allow interaction to occur between me and the rest of the world. I must be coming out of hiding. But I won't deny how grounding this feels as well. Thank you for taking the time to read this writer's footnote of the day.
** "Sorry." Perhaps the most irrelevent of all of the irrelevencies.
*** Added footnote, not from the original blog. How are all of you guys? I'd love to hear from any/all of you!
...
I come today with a question. (Always a question with me, I know.)
The question isn't any of the following:
- Am I good enough?
- Do I love myself?
- Do I deserve good things?
- Is it time I start getting the happiness I've worked so hard for?
- When will this hell end?
- Will I ever be healthy?
- Is the past behind me?/Will it ever be?
These questions don't bother to come around anymore. They're frustrating and irrelevent. I've taken to relevency lately (thank God), which is probably why my blogging has nearly halted.* No need to bother myself/let myself be bothered/bother the rest of the world with irrelevency. Not that my contemplation and exploration of these questions has been a waste by any means (it hasn't). It's more like... these irrelevent/once relevent questions have finally paid off.
Respectively, the answers are:
- Yes.
- Yes.
- Yes.
- Yes.
- Hell is subjective and personal.
- Health is subjective and personal.
- Yes, and before me, and with me./Always has been, always will be.
Today, I pose a more relevent (for this moment, anyway) question.
...
Nevermind. I lost it. I suppose it's already become obsolete. Making a point and expressing a point are two different things. Expressing a point and articulating a point are also different. I'll end this paragraph here before I say something I don't mean. Or before I insult somebody's intelligence.
In other/less abstract news (how boring):
I still live my quaint life in Highland Park/Los Angeles, California.
Back in school, studying the most holistic/beautiful/thorough/intuitive/logical system of health/life I've known to exist. It's known as Ayurveda.
I work three days a week at a lovely cafe in Eagle Rock called Auntie Em's. This pays the bills.
There is an interesting band called Big Whup that I've been invited to play with and have been doing so since February. We're recording next month.
Time management (another subjective and personal thing) is proving to be a frustrating and difficult concept for me to be conscious of. Familiar feelings. I'm starting to learn how to accept them.
For the first time, I'm happy to be falling in love. Another frustrating and difficult concept for a Sagittarian/Scorpio/Capricorn. But I must be overcoming my barriers of vanity, confusion, anger at the world, self-consciousness, needing to hide. Finding someone who operates on my same wavelength makes most of the difference.
Sorry to end with the boring news. Sorry to start with the rambling and abstract news. **
* The truth is, I don't know why I'm blogging right now. Perhaps it simply feels grounding. Write it down, they say. Down, down, down. Amy, come down. I can write this in my journal with a pen of any color, but I'm opting to blog. Maybe blogging is more than simply grounding. It's interactive. It says "here I am," without screaming "Here I am!"... and this has always been my style anyway. I'm choosing to allow interaction to occur between me and the rest of the world. I must be coming out of hiding. But I won't deny how grounding this feels as well. Thank you for taking the time to read this writer's footnote of the day.
** "Sorry." Perhaps the most irrelevent of all of the irrelevencies.
*** Added footnote, not from the original blog. How are all of you guys? I'd love to hear from any/all of you!