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Microsoft has acquired Jesus Christ as their intellectual property. The Redmond based company announced earlier today that they will sell "starter packs" to third-world countries, although this stripped down version of Christianity only allows one concurrent salvation to occur at a time. Also being released is Microsoft Christianity Home Edition, which allows the users to enjoy all the sinful comforts of Judaism(TM). Finally, Microsoft Christianity Professional Edition allows total (well, mostly) control over their Christian Lives (TM), although reports indicate that users during the beta (AKA Pentecost) would often curse Christianity Pro for not delivering miracles as planned and intermittent flooding of their neighbor's yards.
Although many individuals buying into religion trust the Microsoft name, new Microsoft practices may chance the popularity of Christianity in the future. Each "pack" requires an agreement to a confusing EULA, Bible-activation, and strict-liscencing policies. Microsoft says that Bible-activation is meant to prevent erroneous spreading of the word. "If we allowed just anybody and everybody to pick up a Bible, that would lead to misinterpretation, and that would not be the Microsoft Way(TM)," stated Steve Ballmer in a press release earlier today. In addition to this, he also offered churches volume-liscencing programs to help facilitate a larger user base. "It is apparent," commented Bill Gates, "that we are seeing a move away from the archaic system of ancestor worship, which required too much interaction on the user's part. The real selling point of Microsoft Christianity(TM) is that there are no rituals involved whatsoever. You don't even have to go to church, you can just stay at home on your couch while munching down on day-old potato chips. Everybody wins!"
While Christianity has over 25% of the market, there are some skeptics. "I feel that this commercialization of religion disgraces the very name of Eostere," quoth Silver Ravenwind. Silver Ravenwind is a popular wiccan with 15 intelligence, 13 strength, and an astounding 30 charisma. "My take on this is that before too long, Wicca (an open-minded project) will be shut out completely because we're being pushed down by the MAN," Ravenwind added. When asked to respond to this statement, Ballmer replied, "We want everybody here to have a closed-mind -- NO! I mean, I want them to have an open mind that caters only to the principles of Microsoft Christianity(tm). It is my opinion that once you submit your tithe for Microsoft Christianity, you are always a Microsoft Christian, no matter what anybody says. Of course, your pact with God needs to be updated, say, once every two or three years, for an additional tithe of $200 USD or so, but you're still a Christian, and what Ravenwind is suggesting is just blasphemy."
It is rumored that Microsoft is planning to crack down on unliscenced agents of Christianity, such as the Mormons, the Jehova's Witnesses, and the Seventh Day Adventists later this year.
Although many individuals buying into religion trust the Microsoft name, new Microsoft practices may chance the popularity of Christianity in the future. Each "pack" requires an agreement to a confusing EULA, Bible-activation, and strict-liscencing policies. Microsoft says that Bible-activation is meant to prevent erroneous spreading of the word. "If we allowed just anybody and everybody to pick up a Bible, that would lead to misinterpretation, and that would not be the Microsoft Way(TM)," stated Steve Ballmer in a press release earlier today. In addition to this, he also offered churches volume-liscencing programs to help facilitate a larger user base. "It is apparent," commented Bill Gates, "that we are seeing a move away from the archaic system of ancestor worship, which required too much interaction on the user's part. The real selling point of Microsoft Christianity(TM) is that there are no rituals involved whatsoever. You don't even have to go to church, you can just stay at home on your couch while munching down on day-old potato chips. Everybody wins!"
While Christianity has over 25% of the market, there are some skeptics. "I feel that this commercialization of religion disgraces the very name of Eostere," quoth Silver Ravenwind. Silver Ravenwind is a popular wiccan with 15 intelligence, 13 strength, and an astounding 30 charisma. "My take on this is that before too long, Wicca (an open-minded project) will be shut out completely because we're being pushed down by the MAN," Ravenwind added. When asked to respond to this statement, Ballmer replied, "We want everybody here to have a closed-mind -- NO! I mean, I want them to have an open mind that caters only to the principles of Microsoft Christianity(tm). It is my opinion that once you submit your tithe for Microsoft Christianity, you are always a Microsoft Christian, no matter what anybody says. Of course, your pact with God needs to be updated, say, once every two or three years, for an additional tithe of $200 USD or so, but you're still a Christian, and what Ravenwind is suggesting is just blasphemy."
It is rumored that Microsoft is planning to crack down on unliscenced agents of Christianity, such as the Mormons, the Jehova's Witnesses, and the Seventh Day Adventists later this year.