(Untitled)

[ravingamy]

I can't forget the look he shot me just before he walked out of the door. Utter loathing. I hurt him. I hate myself for it. But I just don't know what to do anymore. I've blamed Amara about something like this before, and here I am being a fucking hypocrite. Okay, so he has a daughter. There's nothing wrong with that! Only, he doesn't want her. And

Comments

[mortal_sand]

I doubt that 'fuck the NEWTs' is going to get you all that far, Amycus.

[ravingamy]

Well, at least that's three words on my empty parchment.

[mortal_sand]

I don't think they'll get any marks, though.

[ravingamy]

I know.

Private

I feel horrible.

Private

[mortal_sand]

Why, what's up?

Re: Private

[ravingamy]

I was really horrible to Ant. I told him... in not so many words that he should forget about me.

Re: Private

[mortal_sand]

...Why did you do that? You shouldn't feel horrible if there was a legitimate reason.

Re: Private

[mortal_sand]

...Why would you do that? Don't feel horrible if there was a legitimate reason.

Re: Private

[ravingamy]

No. I was selfish. I didn't want us to grow any closer. Because he's never promised me anything. And there's no security in the knowledge that we will last. I don't want him to look back on this and regret. And I know I'm just being pathetic worrying about the future. But I'm not like him. The now just isn't enough for me.

Re: Private

[mortal_sand]

That isn't really selfish, Amycus. If that's what you feel, and that's what you want, then you have every right to tell him that. It's not all about what he wants, you know. And if it so happens that he's not wanting the same thing, then you do have to consider if it's something you want to stick with.

Re: Private

[ravingamy]

But I've hurt him really badly. It's almost too much to bear.

Re: Private

[mortal_sand]

He's hurt you many times, though, and face it, the truth hurts. It's better to be honest with him in the long run than lie to just keep him happy.

Re: Private

[ravingamy]

I feel horrible. Are you sure you're not just trying to ease my guilt? Because in all those times I've done and said some pretty nasty things to him too.

Re: Private

[mortal_sand]

I am trying to ease your guilt because you shouldn't feel this guilty. It's one of those things which people sometimes realise in relationships and it needs to be said, don't feel guilty for being honest.

Re: Private

[ravingamy]

I don't know why you are the only who manages to cheer me up in these sorts of situations. Thank you, Caius. I'm still guilty. But at least now I know that my reasons for doing so aren't entirely wrong.

Re: Private

[mortal_sand]

I don't know either, but I do try my best. And I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling guilty to an extent, everyone does after these kind of things, but honestly, your reasoning is sound.