A lifeless puppet, dangling on a string

[ravincheshire]

That's all I feel now. I feel no emtion. I feel no joy. I feel no pain. I feel no happiness. No sorrow. Nothing. Every single ounce of anything has been taken from me, and all I have left, is, nothing. The only time I feel anything is when I talk to my wife. And even now, talking to her on the phone is painful. It sucks, but it's true. When I think about her, talk about her, read her email, look at her pictures, I feel something. But that is it. That's the only time. And I hate it. But, it can't be changed. The medication is making me more of a zombie. I feel nothing, whether I'm on it or not. When I take it, I'm just, slowed down. I want to make the pain go away. I want to bring the light back into my life. I want to silence the screams that each day brings. To quiet the voices in my head. Yet nothing seems to help. Nothing, except her.

What can I do to bring back the emotions? I've tried to fake the smile. It hurts. I've tried to fake the laughter. I ended up crying. I tried to go out with friends and have a good time. I ended up solitary is a room full of people. What more can I do? Where else can I turn? Who can I run to, besides the one I need to?

I don't know why I'm so fucking cold?
I dont know why it hurts me.
All I wanna do is get with you.
And make the pain go away.
Why do I have a conscience?
All it does is fuck with me.
Why do I have this torment?
All I want to do is fuck it away.

I tell my lies and I despise.
Every second I'm with you.
So I run away and you still stay.
So what the fuck is with you.