How can my birthday wish come true when you know what it is already?
it'll have been a year. It still hurts. I think the only thing that's gotten better is my practice at pretending that I don't miss you. I'd like to think I've gotten stronger. . . . more disciplined. . . . braver. . . . more creative- but what worth are these accomplishments without you in my life? What worth is personal growth to me if I'm not happy? In a year's worth of reflection I still can't imagine anyone else as my wife or the mother of my children and I'm sad because I haven't moved on but on that same note, I'm also happy that I haven't. I'm confident that this is love. What other emotion aside from hatred could be so stalwart and so deeply permeate a person's character? I'll downplay it because I'd rather not say everything. It'd be seen as maudlin but for someone that I would venture to say knows me better than most, I'm sure that you must be able to imagine to some degree how much I hurt for it to have overwhelmed my general stoicism about such personal things and result in my needing to say it here.