Eeyores Birthday is over...
TRIP
April25th, 09
Mushroom chocolate, from 2 months ago, which I kept frozen till yesterday. Also half a brownie was also consumed. I ate about 4 hours before starting, and I started maybe 2 hours before sun down in the park during Eeyores Birthday Party in the park. I should have stayed in the park or started at a house party because trying to get from one place to another while completely fucked up was a mistake.
I was with a group of people [2 guys and 2 girls, plus Derick] who I didn’t know well, except Derick who was a young 18yr old kid, who had crashed on my couch before, had a car and was into selling a lot of drugs. I should not have counted on him to help me out, and I know now I should not have taken the chocolate unless completely sure. I was not.
So,
I started with visuals, seeing things and everything I saw I kept focusing on, or tunneling into it. Processing everything going on around me was too much so I had to just look at the ground when walking. When it started to get dark and we had to leave the park I tried to follow them out but they were walking faster, not as messed up as me, and they were upset with me from the start. Derick was dead set on fucking with me, and had my back pack or I would not stopped following him but I didn’t want to leave it with him b/c I didn’t trust him.
So the path was down a steep hill, onto a jogging path, that wound around and around the park, then over a tricking stream, and up a incline that was kinda steep too. Then across a lot of 4 way traffic. In the semi dark…
I was at my most fucked up state while trying to follow them to the car and this route was crazy, and being rushed along and having them upset with me made it more so, not to mention the crazy amount of people streaming in front, around and behind me for a while. The people seemed to disappear in front of me after a certain point and everyone was fuzzed out.
When I finally got across the street, into the car then I put my ear phones on some how b/c I knew what was coming. He put on fucking rap music, and as loud as he could… I asked him nicely before we even started to promise me he would not but all bets were off as well as promises. So I was feeling the wind, listening to my music, and feeling secure as I was crushed in the back seat with my scoby blanket and my black little back pack with all my important things strapped to me. At one point I hard them talking about me, making front of me and my request for different music but I ignored them and then the French band came on m MP3 I like called Yelle. I could hear his music, and my music was in front of it, with the French singer talking to me and I understood French for a while, and understood she was in agreement with me that his music sucked. So I started to laugh, and it was good deep laughter…
They were trying to upset me but I managed to have a good time until the car stopped at the last stop, and he was going into a house with 2 guys to smoke, I knew that. I also know that I was not going to like it but I had asked him to take me home or to a party where I could be with others… and he said he would but didn’t. So I was not going to stay in a car by my-self all night fucked up. So I went in and it was your typical pot head teenager room, in a house of no drug users. He and the other 2 ignored me, pretended I was not there and this started to wear on me, then they turned the lights off, and the smoke got to me bad… I started to freak out, and tried to get out of the room but the guy had put a blanket against the door so the weed smoke would not go into the house. They were afraid I would wake people up…but again I should not have even been there. So I got out side and told him to help me find my phone and I would try to get someone else to get me or something because I just wanted to get away from the little ass hole.
…so I was in the passenger seat of his car, it was raining on me slightly since little dick head busted the window out of the car on that side on wim one night while fucked up. I was on my cell phone, with only one bar trying to find some one to talk and I called Ed, who is a Poetic guy I know and see on Mondays at the Hide out. He was the first to answer and we talked a while. I cried, and Derick sat in the drivers seat of his car angry, upset and finally drove me back to my place. With blasting nigger rap playing as loud as he could make it, while I listened to my headset as best as I could just trying to be ok. My phone had died by this point.
Upon arriving he threw my back pack on the grass, and I got my stuff I had on my lap, my back pack and went, while he was babbling about how I should not call him again but why the hell would I? I’m surprised he even gave me a ride home but maybe he just didn’t want to make it worse then it was but he proved to be a very bad BAD person to do shit with and I will not call him again unless it’s to prank call him…
So I got in, locked my self in my room seeing that my 2 bitch roommates had not arrived back yet from what ever they went off to do this weekend. I took a long shower, cleaned my self up, brushed my teeth, etc. and still naked I crawled into bed. I listened to music for a bit, charged my phone, talked to my friend Phil for about 5 minutes, and went to sleep…
It could have been better. It could have been beautiful… I don’t blame the drugs- I blame the people. I realized I don’t want to die, I want every one else to die except those people who are useful, loved, and like me. I looked in the mirror and I’m not ashamed of what I saw, I felt like I was doing what I had to, and I needed this, even if it was not all good… it was something to remember.
I’m going back to bed now…
April25th, 09
Mushroom chocolate, from 2 months ago, which I kept frozen till yesterday. Also half a brownie was also consumed. I ate about 4 hours before starting, and I started maybe 2 hours before sun down in the park during Eeyores Birthday Party in the park. I should have stayed in the park or started at a house party because trying to get from one place to another while completely fucked up was a mistake.
I was with a group of people [2 guys and 2 girls, plus Derick] who I didn’t know well, except Derick who was a young 18yr old kid, who had crashed on my couch before, had a car and was into selling a lot of drugs. I should not have counted on him to help me out, and I know now I should not have taken the chocolate unless completely sure. I was not.
So,
I started with visuals, seeing things and everything I saw I kept focusing on, or tunneling into it. Processing everything going on around me was too much so I had to just look at the ground when walking. When it started to get dark and we had to leave the park I tried to follow them out but they were walking faster, not as messed up as me, and they were upset with me from the start. Derick was dead set on fucking with me, and had my back pack or I would not stopped following him but I didn’t want to leave it with him b/c I didn’t trust him.
So the path was down a steep hill, onto a jogging path, that wound around and around the park, then over a tricking stream, and up a incline that was kinda steep too. Then across a lot of 4 way traffic. In the semi dark…
I was at my most fucked up state while trying to follow them to the car and this route was crazy, and being rushed along and having them upset with me made it more so, not to mention the crazy amount of people streaming in front, around and behind me for a while. The people seemed to disappear in front of me after a certain point and everyone was fuzzed out.
When I finally got across the street, into the car then I put my ear phones on some how b/c I knew what was coming. He put on fucking rap music, and as loud as he could… I asked him nicely before we even started to promise me he would not but all bets were off as well as promises. So I was feeling the wind, listening to my music, and feeling secure as I was crushed in the back seat with my scoby blanket and my black little back pack with all my important things strapped to me. At one point I hard them talking about me, making front of me and my request for different music but I ignored them and then the French band came on m MP3 I like called Yelle. I could hear his music, and my music was in front of it, with the French singer talking to me and I understood French for a while, and understood she was in agreement with me that his music sucked. So I started to laugh, and it was good deep laughter…
They were trying to upset me but I managed to have a good time until the car stopped at the last stop, and he was going into a house with 2 guys to smoke, I knew that. I also know that I was not going to like it but I had asked him to take me home or to a party where I could be with others… and he said he would but didn’t. So I was not going to stay in a car by my-self all night fucked up. So I went in and it was your typical pot head teenager room, in a house of no drug users. He and the other 2 ignored me, pretended I was not there and this started to wear on me, then they turned the lights off, and the smoke got to me bad… I started to freak out, and tried to get out of the room but the guy had put a blanket against the door so the weed smoke would not go into the house. They were afraid I would wake people up…but again I should not have even been there. So I got out side and told him to help me find my phone and I would try to get someone else to get me or something because I just wanted to get away from the little ass hole.
…so I was in the passenger seat of his car, it was raining on me slightly since little dick head busted the window out of the car on that side on wim one night while fucked up. I was on my cell phone, with only one bar trying to find some one to talk and I called Ed, who is a Poetic guy I know and see on Mondays at the Hide out. He was the first to answer and we talked a while. I cried, and Derick sat in the drivers seat of his car angry, upset and finally drove me back to my place. With blasting nigger rap playing as loud as he could make it, while I listened to my headset as best as I could just trying to be ok. My phone had died by this point.
Upon arriving he threw my back pack on the grass, and I got my stuff I had on my lap, my back pack and went, while he was babbling about how I should not call him again but why the hell would I? I’m surprised he even gave me a ride home but maybe he just didn’t want to make it worse then it was but he proved to be a very bad BAD person to do shit with and I will not call him again unless it’s to prank call him…
So I got in, locked my self in my room seeing that my 2 bitch roommates had not arrived back yet from what ever they went off to do this weekend. I took a long shower, cleaned my self up, brushed my teeth, etc. and still naked I crawled into bed. I listened to music for a bit, charged my phone, talked to my friend Phil for about 5 minutes, and went to sleep…
It could have been better. It could have been beautiful… I don’t blame the drugs- I blame the people. I realized I don’t want to die, I want every one else to die except those people who are useful, loved, and like me. I looked in the mirror and I’m not ashamed of what I saw, I felt like I was doing what I had to, and I needed this, even if it was not all good… it was something to remember.
I’m going back to bed now…