Dont make me Cry
well last cupple of days alot has happend. I chilled with jess like everyday god I love her. and I hate the fact that she had to go back to mass. for college. so while she was here we chilled with the guys. we went to toms for a minnie get together. I brought matt over cause we have not seen each other in a while. lol he still dont like my friends its kool cause I dont like his friends.
so last night me and matt had a deep talk. and then I asked him once again what is this. and he said Idk. then he said about mel calling him up and all. and I told him the only reason I puted that in my lj was cause to see how fast it would get back to him. and well anyway enough about that. he was saying that he never had feelings for anyone before and the only reason we are not "Together" is cause he dont wanna hurt me. and that he thinks that he could not give me everything. while he knows Im a simple person to please I dont ask for much.and he was going on saying other things. then I said to him do you even care about me. and he was like yeah sure in ways. I was like oh. then I asked him if he talks shit behind myback. and he was like who do I have to talk about you to. and I was like idk its just what mel told me along time ago. he was like well you know how back then she liked to start shit and she wanted me to be her friend and not yours. I was like yeah well Ill beleave you over her anyway or any of them cause they are nothing but losers blowing their life down the tube. he was like yeah. then after that I told him how I compare jess& sean to me and him , then Kelli & jessie to me and him. and then I said how I thought how manny times I told him how I cared about him and all. and how manny times he told me and I said their is not one single time. and I feel like Im being pushed away or somthing. he was like no dont think that its not true I just never knew how to show anything like that. and I told him I know I have to guess all the time and that how I know him soo well that I know what his reaction is to everything. and how I know everything he likes. he said yeah I know its weird. then he was like well I never mad effort to try to get closer with you in all the time I was with you. then I said why. he goes cause you where with other guys. and I was like what do you mean other guys? then I said well int he beinging you know I thought you where using me, then so we had a minnie fight. then I was kinda hookin up with john. then we got back together and then I saw them pics online of you and krysti so I got pissed off and I hooked up with Ryan. and I only did that to get you mad or well jealous to see if you cared. and to tell you the truth when I was with them I was not thinking about them I was thinking about you.. and then later on that night I would feel soo bad and I would almost cry. so then he goes Wow, and I was like yeah I know. so then his mom needed the phone so I told him to get online so then he did. and I was like whats up he goes nothing. then I go the only thing I ask is not to hurt me but I have to take that back cause eather way Im gonna get hurt. and he goes no I dont want that tho. and I was like Iknow. then he goes I dont know what to do. and I was like what you mean ? like let me go or somthing.. he was like oh no, I dont know what to do with myself. I made ya feel bad or somthing. and that makes me feel bad. and then I said to him I dont want anyything to change I still want us to be kool and all. he was like yeah I know everything is still the same. I was like good and if it does change hopefully for the better.. he was like oh yeah. so then we got off that subject and started to play around being retarded. so then he had to go to bed and get sleep for work.. he works 10-12. and I work 4-11. I just want him to know that I love him soo much and that Ill never give up on him.. well gonna go and I know he is gonna get a phone call saying OMG IS THIS TRUE BLAH BLAH, people cant mind their own bussiness cause their life is soo boring.. laters..
ps- the fast is going good today lauren.. wahooo!!
so last night me and matt had a deep talk. and then I asked him once again what is this. and he said Idk. then he said about mel calling him up and all. and I told him the only reason I puted that in my lj was cause to see how fast it would get back to him. and well anyway enough about that. he was saying that he never had feelings for anyone before and the only reason we are not "Together" is cause he dont wanna hurt me. and that he thinks that he could not give me everything. while he knows Im a simple person to please I dont ask for much.and he was going on saying other things. then I said to him do you even care about me. and he was like yeah sure in ways. I was like oh. then I asked him if he talks shit behind myback. and he was like who do I have to talk about you to. and I was like idk its just what mel told me along time ago. he was like well you know how back then she liked to start shit and she wanted me to be her friend and not yours. I was like yeah well Ill beleave you over her anyway or any of them cause they are nothing but losers blowing their life down the tube. he was like yeah. then after that I told him how I compare jess& sean to me and him , then Kelli & jessie to me and him. and then I said how I thought how manny times I told him how I cared about him and all. and how manny times he told me and I said their is not one single time. and I feel like Im being pushed away or somthing. he was like no dont think that its not true I just never knew how to show anything like that. and I told him I know I have to guess all the time and that how I know him soo well that I know what his reaction is to everything. and how I know everything he likes. he said yeah I know its weird. then he was like well I never mad effort to try to get closer with you in all the time I was with you. then I said why. he goes cause you where with other guys. and I was like what do you mean other guys? then I said well int he beinging you know I thought you where using me, then so we had a minnie fight. then I was kinda hookin up with john. then we got back together and then I saw them pics online of you and krysti so I got pissed off and I hooked up with Ryan. and I only did that to get you mad or well jealous to see if you cared. and to tell you the truth when I was with them I was not thinking about them I was thinking about you.. and then later on that night I would feel soo bad and I would almost cry. so then he goes Wow, and I was like yeah I know. so then his mom needed the phone so I told him to get online so then he did. and I was like whats up he goes nothing. then I go the only thing I ask is not to hurt me but I have to take that back cause eather way Im gonna get hurt. and he goes no I dont want that tho. and I was like Iknow. then he goes I dont know what to do. and I was like what you mean ? like let me go or somthing.. he was like oh no, I dont know what to do with myself. I made ya feel bad or somthing. and that makes me feel bad. and then I said to him I dont want anyything to change I still want us to be kool and all. he was like yeah I know everything is still the same. I was like good and if it does change hopefully for the better.. he was like oh yeah. so then we got off that subject and started to play around being retarded. so then he had to go to bed and get sleep for work.. he works 10-12. and I work 4-11. I just want him to know that I love him soo much and that Ill never give up on him.. well gonna go and I know he is gonna get a phone call saying OMG IS THIS TRUE BLAH BLAH, people cant mind their own bussiness cause their life is soo boring.. laters..
ps- the fast is going good today lauren.. wahooo!!