Flipped a Switch
So this weekend was a rough one. I'd have rather headed up to Seattle and helped K stuff t-shirts into envelopes for s00j. However, with things being in the state they were around here between Mom and I, I felt that I needed to stay here and deal with them instead. So I did.
Saturday wasn't horrible but wasn't great. Things had mostly seemed to simmer down. Then Sunday came and Mom and I had another blow up.
She's gone through what I'd thrown away while going through boxes and found things from her and Dad and accused me of throwing away everything they gave me and nothing that my first step mom had given me. (Long story, but my first step mom is still an important part of my life.) Basically it was some stuffed animals that had insulation on them from the old house and some pics from when Dad and Tammy - Dad's third wife - got married, along with some other stuff. (That' Mom had gone through what I'd thrown away at all says something about her mental state at the time, in my opinion.)
Anyway, so Mom and I had a blow up. Admittedly, I lost my temper too, but I'd had enough. And we were back to her saying that she didn't want any hugs or "I love you"s or anything until I'd kicked that (in her words) "whore, witch" out of my life. And she said that this time she meant it. So, I spent all day up in my center room (I have 3 up there), going through more boxes in preparation for having fewer to move when I am financially able to get my own place.
This time, I honored her stated wishes. I didn't hug her when they left for some church program or when they got back. I didn't hug her before I went to bed. And I didn't hug her when I left for work yesterday morning....the last really bugged me, but it was what she said she wanted.
I did, however, ask Rose (via fb msgr) to light a candle for us that morning and told her what was going on. Which she did. As Rose would say, "It's what we do."
I spent all day stressing about the situation and not really looking forward to going home. But when I got there, it was like someone had flipped a switch in my mom's head. She sat me down and told me that she loved me and would always love me. She told me that she never liked my first step mom and that she wished the woman was out of my life (as well as all the wiccans), but she knew she couldn't control that. She told me that she didn't want me to feel like I had to hide who I was or what I was doing. Oh, and she told me she's going to get my on as many prayer chains as she can so I'll "see the light" and become a Christian again, but she knows that "God gave you free will and that's between him and you". (Oy ye vey on that last one, but hey. I'll go over my beliefs on "given free will" another time.) And now things are calm again...or seem to be.
Like I said, it was like someone flipped a switch in my mother at some point yesterday and her sanity returned...for the most part, anyway. I'm glad for that. I hope things are peaceful for at least awhile between us. But I'm still looking for a job I can support myself with and afford my own place....somewhere between Seattle and Portland....with. I still think it would be healthier for me to do that. And it's something I should've been doing anyway. Perhaps this last week was just a love tap with the Universal clue-by-four to get my butt in gear on that. I don't know. I just know that, hopefully, hell week is finally over and I can put my energy to other things.
Well, off to the races.
Saturday wasn't horrible but wasn't great. Things had mostly seemed to simmer down. Then Sunday came and Mom and I had another blow up.
She's gone through what I'd thrown away while going through boxes and found things from her and Dad and accused me of throwing away everything they gave me and nothing that my first step mom had given me. (Long story, but my first step mom is still an important part of my life.) Basically it was some stuffed animals that had insulation on them from the old house and some pics from when Dad and Tammy - Dad's third wife - got married, along with some other stuff. (That' Mom had gone through what I'd thrown away at all says something about her mental state at the time, in my opinion.)
Anyway, so Mom and I had a blow up. Admittedly, I lost my temper too, but I'd had enough. And we were back to her saying that she didn't want any hugs or "I love you"s or anything until I'd kicked that (in her words) "whore, witch" out of my life. And she said that this time she meant it. So, I spent all day up in my center room (I have 3 up there), going through more boxes in preparation for having fewer to move when I am financially able to get my own place.
This time, I honored her stated wishes. I didn't hug her when they left for some church program or when they got back. I didn't hug her before I went to bed. And I didn't hug her when I left for work yesterday morning....the last really bugged me, but it was what she said she wanted.
I did, however, ask Rose (via fb msgr) to light a candle for us that morning and told her what was going on. Which she did. As Rose would say, "It's what we do."
I spent all day stressing about the situation and not really looking forward to going home. But when I got there, it was like someone had flipped a switch in my mom's head. She sat me down and told me that she loved me and would always love me. She told me that she never liked my first step mom and that she wished the woman was out of my life (as well as all the wiccans), but she knew she couldn't control that. She told me that she didn't want me to feel like I had to hide who I was or what I was doing. Oh, and she told me she's going to get my on as many prayer chains as she can so I'll "see the light" and become a Christian again, but she knows that "God gave you free will and that's between him and you". (Oy ye vey on that last one, but hey. I'll go over my beliefs on "given free will" another time.) And now things are calm again...or seem to be.
Like I said, it was like someone flipped a switch in my mother at some point yesterday and her sanity returned...for the most part, anyway. I'm glad for that. I hope things are peaceful for at least awhile between us. But I'm still looking for a job I can support myself with and afford my own place....somewhere between Seattle and Portland....with. I still think it would be healthier for me to do that. And it's something I should've been doing anyway. Perhaps this last week was just a love tap with the Universal clue-by-four to get my butt in gear on that. I don't know. I just know that, hopefully, hell week is finally over and I can put my energy to other things.
Well, off to the races.