Thoughts and Revelations
Note: This post is more for myself than anyone else. Take it as it is. :)
Well it's been a couple weeks since my last post and while not much has happened in the way of actual events I think I have come to some personal realizations.
Starting with the events that have happened. The only real thing of note that has occurred is that I have found an apartment. It is located right downtown Edmonton. It is a block away from an LRT train station which will take me directly to campus. It's only about a 10-15min train ride away. The building is 28 stories high and my apartment is on the 17th floor. I take possession on Sept. 1st, thus I will likely be flying out the day before so that I'm there in order to get the key and move in. I can't wait!
As for my personal realizations... well, to put it one way, I think my blood has cooled a bit due to my experiences of the last year or so. I know that in the past I have discussed on here my want for a boyfriend. I know I've talked about how I want one and how I'm lonely and how I shouldn't have to be the pursuer... blah blah blah... but because of the people I have met and the experiences I have had, I find that I'm not as "hot blooded" as I once was. I find that I am content to be myself right now (and find out exactly who I am). I'm also finding that the sexual innuendos and jokes that I used to find funny are just not as amusing as they once were. In fact I find some of them rather childish (while others do remain quite funny... I don't think I've completely lost my edge! :p). I was discussing this topic with Meghann the other day. I think this change must be due to my increase in life experience. Now I know what some of you are thinking, I've had revelations similar to these before (specifically regarding the boyfriend issue) but I know in my heart that right now, with how my life is and how I seem to deal (badly) with breaking up with someone, that I am just not in the right place or state of mind to be in a relationship. That being said, I'm also not going to let someone take advantage of me (again). Of course I fully intend to date, should the opportunity arise, but I refuse to get attached (easier said than done sometimes... I know). So no casual relationships or "friends with benifits" for me... those never seem to work and I'm always the one left holding my stomped on heart. The bottom line is that I have never felt this content with myself and not only that but I am content with just being me. For the first time I am earnestly NOT seeking anyone else and I feel good about that.
I've decided to view my move to Edmonton as a chance to start fresh. To discover who I am and what I'm made of. And to make positive changes in my life that will allow me to achieve my goals. I need to apply the discipline I have in my academic life to other aspects of my life so that those goals which I have long desired to come true will be made real. This I promise myself!
Another realization that I've had is how damnably impatient I am about ... well... EVERYTHING! I can't wait for September to get here but I also can't wait for January (for reasons I'll not discuss here). Further than that, I can't wait to be finished my MSc. and move on to my graduate diploma and then on to a job in a field that I love. Hopefully by that point my life will have settled down enough that *I* can settle down and start thinking of a family. Of course this is the straight line that I have in my head which I have very little hope of actually keeping to. I realize life requires that you bend with the times and events that happen along the way. I just can't WAIT to see what happens in my own life. Maybe I'm feeling impatient b/c I'm about to start a new chapter in my life (so to speak). It's very exciting. I just wish I didn't have to wait to find out what will happen.
It feels great to put these things down in writing!
Again... this post is more for myself than anyone else.
Well it's been a couple weeks since my last post and while not much has happened in the way of actual events I think I have come to some personal realizations.
Starting with the events that have happened. The only real thing of note that has occurred is that I have found an apartment. It is located right downtown Edmonton. It is a block away from an LRT train station which will take me directly to campus. It's only about a 10-15min train ride away. The building is 28 stories high and my apartment is on the 17th floor. I take possession on Sept. 1st, thus I will likely be flying out the day before so that I'm there in order to get the key and move in. I can't wait!
As for my personal realizations... well, to put it one way, I think my blood has cooled a bit due to my experiences of the last year or so. I know that in the past I have discussed on here my want for a boyfriend. I know I've talked about how I want one and how I'm lonely and how I shouldn't have to be the pursuer... blah blah blah... but because of the people I have met and the experiences I have had, I find that I'm not as "hot blooded" as I once was. I find that I am content to be myself right now (and find out exactly who I am). I'm also finding that the sexual innuendos and jokes that I used to find funny are just not as amusing as they once were. In fact I find some of them rather childish (while others do remain quite funny... I don't think I've completely lost my edge! :p). I was discussing this topic with Meghann the other day. I think this change must be due to my increase in life experience. Now I know what some of you are thinking, I've had revelations similar to these before (specifically regarding the boyfriend issue) but I know in my heart that right now, with how my life is and how I seem to deal (badly) with breaking up with someone, that I am just not in the right place or state of mind to be in a relationship. That being said, I'm also not going to let someone take advantage of me (again). Of course I fully intend to date, should the opportunity arise, but I refuse to get attached (easier said than done sometimes... I know). So no casual relationships or "friends with benifits" for me... those never seem to work and I'm always the one left holding my stomped on heart. The bottom line is that I have never felt this content with myself and not only that but I am content with just being me. For the first time I am earnestly NOT seeking anyone else and I feel good about that.
I've decided to view my move to Edmonton as a chance to start fresh. To discover who I am and what I'm made of. And to make positive changes in my life that will allow me to achieve my goals. I need to apply the discipline I have in my academic life to other aspects of my life so that those goals which I have long desired to come true will be made real. This I promise myself!
Another realization that I've had is how damnably impatient I am about ... well... EVERYTHING! I can't wait for September to get here but I also can't wait for January (for reasons I'll not discuss here). Further than that, I can't wait to be finished my MSc. and move on to my graduate diploma and then on to a job in a field that I love. Hopefully by that point my life will have settled down enough that *I* can settle down and start thinking of a family. Of course this is the straight line that I have in my head which I have very little hope of actually keeping to. I realize life requires that you bend with the times and events that happen along the way. I just can't WAIT to see what happens in my own life. Maybe I'm feeling impatient b/c I'm about to start a new chapter in my life (so to speak). It's very exciting. I just wish I didn't have to wait to find out what will happen.
It feels great to put these things down in writing!
Again... this post is more for myself than anyone else.