(no subject)
So… remember way back to, like, 2005, when Livejournal was awesome, because that’s all we really had, in terms of blogging platforms? I had about seven hundred thousand userpics that I saved off the internet of Richard Dean Anderson, because he’s a wicked hottie. (Or, well, he was in 2005.) I also went through rdanderson.com and saved literally every photograph they posted of him. Which was creepy. But I was a bored college student, and he was the god of my horizon at that point, so… there you have it.
So now we’re here, in 2012, and Livejournal is no longer awesome, not by a longshot, in fact. And I do not have seven hundred thousand photos/icons/what have you’s of Paul Landers. But I’m kind of struggling with the same things.
I’m not as deluded as I was when I was 19, so this is different in many ways, and also, I’ve met Paul. Kind of. You know. Two feet away from me, mind’s a big fucking blank, I stammer out a hello, he reciprocates in kind. “Met.”
But that big blank in my head is caused mostly from the same feelings. How to reconcile the knowledge that this person is, when they’re onstage, performing, the very God of the Western Sky. The shining sun. The reason I breathe, to watch this man play guitar. Reconcile that with the fact that, once he’s not onstage, he’s just some dude. Who will probably be unimpressed at best, fucking annoyed at worst by anything I have to say.
And because I’m much more interested in the man than the god (That’s how I define myself as a groupie, after all, I’m interested in them as people, artists, multifaceted and flawed, as opposed to these deities so far above me raining fire down from the heavens) I have no idea how to make myself, as a person, so interesting that some dude with these absolute decades of life experience that are so unlike ANYTHING I have ever known will find me interesting as well. Or worth pursuing a conversation with. Or a million other things.
Also, the proliferation of the internet means I know all this random garbage about this person, and I’d really rather not end up feeling like a creeper.