am i looking for meaning?
I have begun to wonder if there's a reason why I currently feel the need to fill every waking moment with some sort of activity. I fear that there could be, and that I should figure out how to deal with it head on.
In the meantime, I have adopted the schedules of a full-time trainer, part-time coach, and Iron-distance athlete in training. My commute is sometimes an hour each way. I joined a masters swim team that has 7am workouts, a track team and spin class that meet at 7pm, and I have to ride between 50-120 miles every weekend from now until August 1. In many respects I suppose I have dropped off the face of the earth.
Sometimes I feel selfish and guilty about it. Sometimes I am filled with joy and can take ownership of my right and desire to play hard if I can make the time. Most of the time I am somewhere in the middle. Always, I'm trying to figure out what I'm trying to prove and more importantly who I'm trying to prove it to...or, since I guess I know that already, what it is I need to prove to myself.
In the meantime, I have adopted the schedules of a full-time trainer, part-time coach, and Iron-distance athlete in training. My commute is sometimes an hour each way. I joined a masters swim team that has 7am workouts, a track team and spin class that meet at 7pm, and I have to ride between 50-120 miles every weekend from now until August 1. In many respects I suppose I have dropped off the face of the earth.
Sometimes I feel selfish and guilty about it. Sometimes I am filled with joy and can take ownership of my right and desire to play hard if I can make the time. Most of the time I am somewhere in the middle. Always, I'm trying to figure out what I'm trying to prove and more importantly who I'm trying to prove it to...or, since I guess I know that already, what it is I need to prove to myself.