(no subject)
A long time ago CB and I agreed that the only way a person was ever going to change, any person, was to want it. Until they truly want change themselves, for themselves, change will not occur. That said, I sometimes wonder if humans truly are capable of change or if we are set in stone in many respects from birth. A year ago, R and I were fairly serious. I thought he was a good guy, funny and stable. I thought he had his act together and was a possible keeper. Not that I was thinking marriage or anything but ... just ... that I had finally found a guy that had some potential.
Well, then it all fell apart at the seams. I don't know that it was anything I did, and honestly still don't understand the hows or whys. But, we went our separate ways. About a month maybe 6 weeks ago R came back into my life. I was surprised, leery, guarded to say the least. He said that he realized exactly what he did wrong before, he understands what he foolishly gave up and that he wants another chance. Again, leery. We agreed to go forward. No expectations. Just be friends and see what happens. To be bluntly honest, I didn't expect much to happen. My faith in his ability to change was very low. I figured we would talk, he wouldn't get laid (which I thought was all he was after) and then he would walk away, as he did a year ago. I was wrong.
Funny how I am always wrong. But that is another story. So, R and I have been out three times. The first time was a lovely lunch which had me in stitches at Ricardos. Then he met me at 10pm one night just to have ice cream at Cold Stone Creamery. On both those occasions we were "good". No kissing. Just some hand holding, maybe a peck on the cheek, and hugs. We both agreed that we had to take things slowly. Just talk at first, see if we could get along without the past coming up to haunt us both. This last date was different though. It was a real date. HE picked Me up from my house, we went to Macaroni Grill for dinner. He ordered for me. We had a wonderful dinner and laughed a lot. Then we went to the movies and he let me pick which one we saw. We proceeded to sit in his car for three hours after the movie. It was very very nice and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. But to be honest, there was always this dark cloud in my head, just remembering that R ran last time and that he would probably do so again the second things didn't go the way he planned them.
Well, then it all fell apart at the seams. I don't know that it was anything I did, and honestly still don't understand the hows or whys. But, we went our separate ways. About a month maybe 6 weeks ago R came back into my life. I was surprised, leery, guarded to say the least. He said that he realized exactly what he did wrong before, he understands what he foolishly gave up and that he wants another chance. Again, leery. We agreed to go forward. No expectations. Just be friends and see what happens. To be bluntly honest, I didn't expect much to happen. My faith in his ability to change was very low. I figured we would talk, he wouldn't get laid (which I thought was all he was after) and then he would walk away, as he did a year ago. I was wrong.
Funny how I am always wrong. But that is another story. So, R and I have been out three times. The first time was a lovely lunch which had me in stitches at Ricardos. Then he met me at 10pm one night just to have ice cream at Cold Stone Creamery. On both those occasions we were "good". No kissing. Just some hand holding, maybe a peck on the cheek, and hugs. We both agreed that we had to take things slowly. Just talk at first, see if we could get along without the past coming up to haunt us both. This last date was different though. It was a real date. HE picked Me up from my house, we went to Macaroni Grill for dinner. He ordered for me. We had a wonderful dinner and laughed a lot. Then we went to the movies and he let me pick which one we saw. We proceeded to sit in his car for three hours after the movie. It was very very nice and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. But to be honest, there was always this dark cloud in my head, just remembering that R ran last time and that he would probably do so again the second things didn't go the way he planned them.