Channelled emotions in art and some thoughts
I am so grateful that this emotional intense period is coming to an end. I am have been drawing and painting alot. pouring out all my anxiety, inner pain and anger. It has been hard for me to express it in healthy way like painting it. And letting go of old outworn stuff, destructive, negative patterns, which I actually been working with last year as well. but it is like something in me always drags me down to it. I know only I can fix that, bring forth the changes I need, I can ask for help but the work needs to be done by me. I have also been painting same kinds of paintings- dark fallen fairies angels the more depressed and hopeless the better. I felt triggered to do it again this week, I realized I could just change them to be more positive like an dark angel begging for she will never get can be a dark fairy contemplating, devotion to the Gods. a dying dark gotic angel of suicide can be a a fairy resting in lap of Mother Earth. Dragons in my art symbolizes the dark in me but also my magic power the witch. The unicorn is the pure, innocent in me, my trueself. I did my best to not be screaming and yelling at Her at this phase cause I knew She wanted to help me, but it was hard cause I am used to do it, then get panic attacks, then begging pleading to Her, to feel better in a very negative pattern. It was very difficult not do it cause I couldn´t get out my emotions so I called on Her, asked for help and did some candle magic as well for it.
I am also working on changing my thoughts about other stuff. I can see jobs as assitant nurse as something that will give me money so I can pay my bills, something I can do, I can stop hating seeing it as I do something even if it soo boring. I can always apply for other jobs and I will do that. I will see channeling and possession as someway for Her to speak to others through me, as simple as that. I don´t have see it as more submessive than it is. I really should not see submessiveness in anything. I am a strong and powerful witch, and do as I please. I will not take any crap, if I am getting instructions or orders or advices I am fee to follow it or ignore it. I am striving to be coragous, no one is gonna harm me no ne is gonna drag me down, I am serf to no one anymore. I will not submeet, I will not obey if I don´t want too, I wont be forced be pushed over the edge. I am confident I am strong I am in controle over my own life, my own destiny. Ok I know what we are thinking including me let´s see how long it lasts this time. It will last forever.
I have also been applying for a lot of jobs this week. So hopefully I will get something one day, soon. I am working on becoming more organized as well, taking better care of my stuff, dealing with stuff. It is far to easy to run away from all of it. I will keep on working on achieving my goals what I want in life, not just talking and daydreaming.