Boredom
Stuck here in the comfort of my own room. Would it be a room if it had bars on the window? Might as well have bars. I feel like this is my prison as well as my haven always mindlessly spending hours upon hours in it. But I dont feel bad at all, in fact I love my privacy. The Con to this great idea known as privacy is too much of it has another name, seclusion. Thats what I am, secluded from the outside world even though I can access it within a few strokes of my fingertips. But I dont apply myself unless Im told to do it. Is it my fault if I dont apply myself? I was raised to do what I was told. So what if the only thing I can apply to myself is playing video games and working? I apply myself to games cause I love them and I apply myself to work cause If I dont do it I suffer. But Im already suffering inside, what can I do? If only my father were still around to help me out, push me into the world. My mom cant do that cause she doesnt know how to start. I cant practice driving without yelling at her or vice versa and shes the only person I can drive with. Im starting to get sick of her since my cousin shipped into the Coastguard. Now she wants me to go off into something like the Military and for what? Sure it has all these benefits but whats the fucking catch? Whats so different about shipping into Military from a Ad in the paper that says "Free Money for life"? For the expense of risking your life you too can get in on this lifetime offer. I dont know about all of you but I myself feel more pathetic than anyone. I dont have a liscense, I have a job as a bus boy, I havent went into college, Im not doing anything, I dont hang out with friends, I dont talk to many friends, I dont have a girlfriend(though that used to be a higher priority), I cant approach girls, I have NO social skills, I dont play an instrument, I cant dance, I dont apply myself to anything...except video games. Thats it for today's rant, tune in next time for something nobody cares about at whenever the hell I feel like it.