Eleanor stood, cold and waiting...
At the risk of sounding angsty...
I hate everyone right now.
I'm uncertain of just where all this rage came from, and how it hit me so suddenly.
But as I was talking to a friend of mine--and I use the term ridiculously loosely--I realised that I had nothing to say to her and that there was nothing I wanted more than to just tell her to fuck off, block her from contacting me, and completely shut her out of my life.
I'm feeling that way about more and more people lately.
I have nothing against them. Not really. But I've.....outgrown them? No, that isn't right, but it's about as close as I will get. There was a time when I would've clung desperately to anyone and everyone who still bothered to talk to me after high school.
Now, though, I'm finding that most of the people who still talk to me...just....don't....fit.
Our cogs are slipping. There's nothing to cling to anymore. Our parts no longer interlock. Our screws are stripped. There is nothing left. Except for memories and the blind panic that comes from letting go of the familiar and stepping into the unknown.
And I wonder why it is I still talk to them. These people who no longer relate to me in any way, shape, or form.
I'm not really afraid to let go of them.
I let go of them when I left high school.
I wonder if I feel sorry for them. These people who cannot seem to find it in themselves to make new friends, to move on with their lives.
I'm a hypocrite, I know.
And pretentious, of course.
But it....angers me. Frustrates me. Saddens me. To talk to them. I love my friends dearly, even the ones who really shouldn't be talking to me anymore. I'm half afraid that by posting this, I may drive away some of those I wish to keep close to me--because heaven knows some of those wonderful souls are a bit....easily worried, I suppose is the closest phrase I will get.
But I wish I had the courage to tell those who no longer relate to me that our time is over.
Instead of seething, smouldering like this.
Because I don't want to explode at anyone. I consider that to be terribly rude.
But it will happen if things continue like this.
I feel the worst for you, my dear but outdated companions.
You few who continue to chatter at me, who find me from time to time and proclaim that we must make plans sometime.
I am almost glad you will never see this, because then you may continue your little delusion.
But I know it is only a matter of time before I break down and drive you away.
I hope it doesn't come to that.
I hope my silence leads you off on your own.
It may sadden you for awhile.
But better to think that you have grown apart from me...
Than to think I have grown away from you.
I hate everyone right now.
I'm uncertain of just where all this rage came from, and how it hit me so suddenly.
But as I was talking to a friend of mine--and I use the term ridiculously loosely--I realised that I had nothing to say to her and that there was nothing I wanted more than to just tell her to fuck off, block her from contacting me, and completely shut her out of my life.
I'm feeling that way about more and more people lately.
I have nothing against them. Not really. But I've.....outgrown them? No, that isn't right, but it's about as close as I will get. There was a time when I would've clung desperately to anyone and everyone who still bothered to talk to me after high school.
Now, though, I'm finding that most of the people who still talk to me...just....don't....fit.
Our cogs are slipping. There's nothing to cling to anymore. Our parts no longer interlock. Our screws are stripped. There is nothing left. Except for memories and the blind panic that comes from letting go of the familiar and stepping into the unknown.
And I wonder why it is I still talk to them. These people who no longer relate to me in any way, shape, or form.
I'm not really afraid to let go of them.
I let go of them when I left high school.
I wonder if I feel sorry for them. These people who cannot seem to find it in themselves to make new friends, to move on with their lives.
I'm a hypocrite, I know.
And pretentious, of course.
But it....angers me. Frustrates me. Saddens me. To talk to them. I love my friends dearly, even the ones who really shouldn't be talking to me anymore. I'm half afraid that by posting this, I may drive away some of those I wish to keep close to me--because heaven knows some of those wonderful souls are a bit....easily worried, I suppose is the closest phrase I will get.
But I wish I had the courage to tell those who no longer relate to me that our time is over.
Instead of seething, smouldering like this.
Because I don't want to explode at anyone. I consider that to be terribly rude.
But it will happen if things continue like this.
I feel the worst for you, my dear but outdated companions.
You few who continue to chatter at me, who find me from time to time and proclaim that we must make plans sometime.
I am almost glad you will never see this, because then you may continue your little delusion.
But I know it is only a matter of time before I break down and drive you away.
I hope it doesn't come to that.
I hope my silence leads you off on your own.
It may sadden you for awhile.
But better to think that you have grown apart from me...
Than to think I have grown away from you.