The Life of Death ~ 1/1 ~ [Aoi & Kai]
Title: The Life of Death
Author: ravennightmare6
Chapter: Chapter 1/1
Genre: AU, Fantasy, Heavy Angst, Fluff,
Rating: R
P airing: Aoi & Kai
Synopsi s: The day Death fell in love with Life.
Warnings : GET THE FUCKING TISSUES
Disclaimer: As unfortunate as it may be, I do not own The GazettE. I only own the mediocre plot.
Comments: This fic was inspired by an animation that I saw on Facebook and it made me cry so much. Yeah, it’s quite heavily based off that, but obviously I put my own little swing on things. Apologies for any silly spelling or grammar mistakes. I edited it sloppily >< More at the bottom, darlings <3
The sun shone through the canopy of leaves above my head, sending intricate little patterns dancing over the lush green grass below my feet. The light was soft, not harsh at all and I suppose it was rather beautiful. Everything in the forest was so green and youthful, lively animals, birds chirping, butterflies fluttering, the sound laughing in the distance as they played just outside of their village. Everything felt so…alive.
And then there was me. In truth I didn’t one hundred percent know what I was, but I knew that I never brought good. I had grown to accept that though, it was merely a part of my existence. I say existence because I wasn’t really sure how long I had been alive, I just knew I had always kind of…been there. It seemed that the life in the forest hardly seemed to notice me much anymore, and if they did they were afraid of me.
But that was ok, I understood why.
I wasn’t in the forest for nothing. I suppose I was there to create balance, a concept that the Great Mother herself was rather fond of. With so much life blossoming everywhere there had to be an equal amount of death. Animals’ and humans’ lives were fleeting. They lived simply and quickly and eventually they became too old, their joints began to ache or they would develop an illness. Then it would be time for their passing, so that the cycle of life could continue.
This was where I came in.
The leaves of the trees rustled quietly as I glided through them, my black robe dragging lightly over the forest floor. In front of me there lay a bird. The poor thing had fallen from its nest, its wing was broken and it was clearly in pain. I knew the bird would never recover from this kind of injury. I sighed as I approached, crouching down beside the poor creature, who was making small wheezed tweets that signalled its obvious discomfort.
“Do not fear any longer, I will set you free,” I told it as I placed my hand against the tiny creature’s back. I watched as the bird’s eyes drifted shut, life having left its small body to pass on to the next life, whatever that was. Sometimes it felt like I could feel the soul of the creature slipping against my palm as it left its host. It was a bittersweet feeling, but one that I had grown used to and had desensitized to. Or perhaps I had never felt sensitive about it.
This was my duty in the world, to help support the balance between life and death. The Great Mother had put me here with the instruction to maintain order. More or less.
* * *
I watched a wolf from the edge of the clearing. She didn’t look sick, nor did she look old. But…sometimes creatures died for no particular reason other than the fact that it was just a part of life. I had a quota to fill, sort of. The Great Mother liked me to complete a certain amount of tasks per day, but the fact that my forest was not overly large meant that there wasn’t an overabundance of sick or injured creatures. I knew already that I might need to turn to the humans who lived nearby.
I sighed as I approached the wolf. She hadn’t heard me coming, and so the hand I lay on her back came as a surprise to her. She flinched slightly, looking over her shoulder at me and we locked eyes briefly before hers began to go dim and she sank to the ground. Her breath slowed until she lay her head down on the ground, her body finally going completely lax. Standing up, I dipped my head to her in respect before leaving the clearing.
The human village was a simple one; huts, fire pits, meat racks that were left to cure and dry, small weapons shacks for the hunters. They lived peacefully and as far as I could tell they lived happily as well. I really only turned to the humans when I needed to, when one of their elderly needed to move on, or one of them was too sick or injured to recover. But there were rare occasions like this one when I needed to perform my duty with them as well.
So I followed a small group of the younger ones as they went out. My guess was that they were all in their late teen years or their early twenties. They were young, they still had a lot of life left to live…well…not for one of them.
I stuck to the shadows as I followed along, sifting my eyes over them. I knew I would need to reveal myself in order to perform my task. To the humans I was kind of like a legend. Only a few of them had seen me, but I suppose they knew I lurked in the forest and that I was always present, that I came to them when I needed to.
I paused as the group of young humans stopped, chatting and laughing amongst themselves and I figured to myself that now was as good a time as any. I picked one; he had long chestnut coloured hair decorated with feathers, a cute dimpled face and a kind smile. He would do.
I steeled myself as I stepped out of the shadows, slowly making my way towards the small group. Luckily they hadn’t seen me yet and I hoped that maybe I would be able to touch the young man before they really spotted me. But my luck was not so good it seemed. Because one of the young women looked up, her eyes widening as she laid them on my painted face, my pitch black eyes, and my black robe. She knew who I was.
“Run…” She breathed, making her friends look up. They followed her gaze to where I stood, not all that far behind the young man I had picked out. And the looks on their faces was shock and then fear. Within moments they had all bolted away, disappearing into the forest.
All but him.
The dimple-faced young man with feathers in his hair. He looked at me, eyes studying me curiously, raking up and down my form as a little frown settled on his brow. Instantly I wanted to reach out to smooth the little line out. But something stopped me and I couldn’t do it. We stood like that for the longest time, just staring at one another until he did something that no one had ever done before…
He smiled at me. Those dimples appearing in his cheeks and I just had to stand there, rather shocked. No one had ever smiled at me before. And then, just like that, he turned and left with the rest of his friends. Clearly he hadn’t found me a threat like the rest of his friends had and that left me with a strange feeling bubbling in my chest.
I felt compelled to follow the young man, so I did. I followed along behind him, sticking to the shadows. I stopped as he wandered out into a clearing, meeting his friends there who seemed relieved by his presence. It was obvious to be that they had been scared for their friend’s safety and I didn’t blame them. I felt strange as I watched the way he interacted with him, watched the way he smiled almost all the time. He was practically glowing. It was like…he was the embodiment of life, making everything around him seem so happy and…alive.
I stood at the outskirts of the field, my heart clenching strangely in my chest and all at once I knew I wanted to know him. I wanted to know his name, about his life, about his personality. I wanted to discover him. Perhaps I could do it. Perhaps I could befriend this human, try something that I never had before. He seemed kind enough to give me the chance. I took a small step forwards into the field, gently brushing a tall flower out of my way. Though I froze as I felt the life it held wither against my palm. I pulled my hand back, looking at the blackened flower and feeling a little pang of sadness.
Even if I was to befriend this human, we would never be able to have to have any kind of physical interaction. We’d never be able to play, I could never playfully ruffle his hair like one of his other friends had just done with him, I could never have any kind of physical contact with him.
But despite all of this…I still wanted to know him.
* * *
I followed the boy for the following week. Any chance that I got, after having performed my duty I would find him and just… watch him. He was a fascinating creature, really. He liked to wander by himself as well. I often found him out in the field near his village, lying against the grass as he stared up at the sky. I always wondered what he was doing. Was he watching the clouds? I think he was. He also liked to pick flowers. He’d sometimes sit there and admire the same flower for a few long moments as a small smile crept over his lips. He seemed absolutely fascinated with the very concept of life.
One day I watched him as the sun began to set over the horizon. Usually he went back to his village before the sun could set, but tonight seem different. Tonight he was laying out on the grass as he so often did, his arms folded underneath his head as he gazed up at the stars.
“I know that you’re there,” he said, and I startled slightly, blinking. “Come out.”
I swallowed thickly. Was it really right? Should I really engage with him? I wasn’t sure…because I didn’t want him, someone who was so bright and full of life, to be dampened by someone like me. Someone who only brought death. I wrung my hands, hesitating.
“Please come out,” he tried again.
And how could I resist that voice?
Slowly, I stepped out of the shadow of the tree line, watching as he sat up. His eyes looked over me the same way they had the first time I had seen him. I approached him slowly, keeping my distance as I sat down a respectable distance from him. Then he did it again; he smiled. And I felt my chest clench slightly.
“I know you’ve been following me,” he said, but he didn’t sound mad or annoyed like I thought he might of. Instead, he sounded curious. Which made me a little confused. “Why is that?”
I lowered my eyes a little, looking down at the soft grass beneath me. I hadn’t ever spoken to anyone but the Great Mother; it was strange to think of doing it with this human. The very human who had absolutely captivated my attention from the moment I saw him.
“Do you speak?” he asked, giggling in a way that made my chest flutter like it never had before. Like a swarm of butterflies had come alive inside of me. Which was ironic.
“…Yes,” I answered quietly, my voice feeling odd as it left my mouth. “I’m sorry…that I’ve been following you. I haven’t meant to frighten you.”
The human shook his head and smiled, this time the edged of his eyes crinkled a little from the width of the kind gesture. “Don’t worry, you haven’t frightened me. It’s who didn’t need to be frightened. You could have spoken to me sooner if you wanted it.” I sat up a little straighter as he looked at me curiously. “You’re him, aren’t you…?” He inquired after a little while. “You’re Death.”
My shoulders slumped slightly. So he did know who I was, and yet he was still sitting there, smiling at me and engaging in conversation with me. I nodded slowly. “Yes,” I answered again. “I am.”
“I never thought I would really meet you,” he mused, picking at a small piece of grass on the ground. I would have done the same, but the grass would have withered and died instantly. “Am I supposed to die?” He asked, tilting his head in the cutest most curious way, and I could feel my chest tighten; feeling seemed to be a recurring theme with him.
I could only stare for a few long moments. It seemed that I was constantly being distracted by the kindness that radiated from him and the warmth he gave off. “No. You’re not supposed to die. Not yet.” How could I tell him that I’d been about to let him pass on even though he had no reason to? I couldn’t tell him that, there was no way.
“Oh, good,” he grinned, letting out a little sigh of relief. “I still have so many questions I want to ask you. Like your name, what is it?”
“My name?” I frowned slightly, pursing my lips a little as I looked down at the ground. After a few long moments of silence I shook my head and looked back up at him. “I…don’t know. I don’t think I have a name.”
That smile was back, the one that made me feel a little bit giddy. “Then I’ll give you one,” he chirped. He tilted his head in that endearing manor once more, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth to nibble on it briefly. “I think Aoi suits you,” he said.
“Aoi? Like, the colour?”
“No, silly,” he giggled, shaking his head. “The flower.”
How ironic, I thought. Flowers were basically a symbol of life, and yet here he was…name Death after a symbol of life. I didn’t understand it, but I didn’t question it. Because it was the name he gave to me, and so it was s name that I would very much treasure.
“And you?” I finally asked. “What is your name?”
“Kai.”
* * *
Kai was so kind. Even when he was with his friend and he knew that I was following him, he would never tell me to go away. He, of course, knew that his friends didn’t particularly like me and so sometimes when they weren’t looking his eyes would find me in the shadows and he would smile at me. The more time I spent around him the more I got to know that he was the kindest soul I had ever known. I could see it; his soul was pure.
One summer day we were sitting by the lake, Kai decided to separate from his friends for the day and so I had taken the opportunity to slip in and sit nearby as he took a cupped handful of water from the lake, taking a few sips. I watched him closely as he shut his eyes, drinking the cool water. It seemed as though every little move he made could make me feel so warm. It was a warmth I’d never known and I really liked it. Everything he did was so fascinating to me.
My eyes widened slightly when he looked up and I quickly turned my eyes the other way when he looked at me. I could feel his eyes burning into the side of my face for a few moments before he giggled and went back to drinking. As soon as I felt his eyes move away from me I went back to watching him. Though I was sure he could feel my gaze. I never understood why he was so nice to me, but I treasured every moment I had with him.
I was lost in thought, too busy thinking about…just…Kai. I jumped when cool water splashed over me and I blinked, shaking my head a little, scattering droplets of water over the ground. My eyes fixed on Kai, who was grinning like a madman, laughing at the shocked expression on my face. I think he understood that I had never really…been social before. Because he encouraged me, flicking a little more water at me, absolutely radiating playfulness.
It took a few moments, but eventually I smiled. The first smile of my entire existence. And then I laughed. Stooping down, I scooped up my own handful of water and splashed it at him, watching as he tried to shield his face from my attack, giggling. It wasn’t long at all before we were both in the water, splashing and laughing and I was genuinely having fun. I wondered, idly, if this was what life was like? If living real like was fun, with laughter and friends. And people like Kai, who made my heart sing like nothing else ever had.
* * *
Kai and I spent the following months getting to know one another. A lot of the time he would leave the village whenever he could and we would spend what time we could together. I was usually around, waiting and watching, ready to greet him once he was far away enough from the village that he didn’t risk anyone seeing me. He always smiled when he saw me as well, that dimpled smile lighting up my entire day. I was absolutely positive that he was the human embodiment of life. A creature as precious as him just had to be.
We often liked to wander the forest together, find somewhere nice to sit and we would just talk for hours and hours on end. Sometimes he got tired though, fast. And so he would take a small nap, while I watched over him. He always said that he felt bad about it, but I brushed him off every time. I really didn’t mind. I enjoyed watching the peaceful expression on his face as he slept.
It was one of those times. Kai was feeling particularly tired this overcast autumn day and I smiled reassuringly as he lay himself down and curled up a little. He sat close to me, but not close enough to touch. I always made sure there was a distance between us. But oh, how I wanted to touch him. I wanted to be able to feel his hair, his skin, hold his hand. I wanted to have him close enough to be able to know what he smelt like. Something told me he would smell of the rain, the earth, with a hint of sweetness. He would smell like what I imagine life smelled like. I wanted to hug him, I wanted to hold him, I wanted to kiss him. I wanted us to be able to huddle together beneath the canopy and share everything. I wanted to hold his hand as we watched the stars together. Every single fibre in my body yearned for him. I wondered if he felt the same. Sometimes I thought he did… There was just something about the way he looked at me that made me feel like maybe, just maybe, he felt the same.
Kai had been asleep for around forty minutes when I felt the first drops of rain begin to fall, the crispness of the autumn rain feeling chilly on my skin. I glanced down at Kai as the drop grew heavier and heavier. I saw him shiver slightly and a frown settled on my face. He was cold. And well…I couldn’t pick him up to move him.
I thought for a few moments before I stood up behind him. Curling my hands into my cape, I leaned over a little held my arms out to create a little shelter for him. The rain’s sudden stop caused Kai to stir and he yawned quietly before he opened his eyes, rubbing them in the most adorable sleepy way.
“Hm…?” He seemed confused for a few seconds about where he was because blinked and looked up at me, a sleepy little smile curling over his pretty lips. “Oh, Aoi. Thank you.”
I smiled back, nodding. “Anything for you,” I answered, without really even thinking. I wondered instantly if maybe I had made a mistake by saying that. But Kai’s smile reassured me that all was well.
Later that night, once the rain had cleared, we found ourselves out in the field as fireflies danced around us. The moon was high in the sky, large and full and beautiful. Kai and I sat side by side, if I was to lean over a little our shoulders might brush. But I didn’t dare to get any closer to him. We sat together like that and Kai pointed out the different constellations to me, telling me what they were called and the story behind them.
But eventually I stopped looking at the stars, and instead my attention turned to him. I watched his lips, the way they moved and formed words. It watched his face and the expressions that passed over it as he told me different stories. And I listened to his voice. He was so expressive.
“Aoi?” He waved his hand in front of my face, but it took me a few moments to actually pay attention and when I realised that he was trying to get my attention I shook my head slightly and blinked. Kai giggled, shaking his head. “You lose focus so much. What goes on in that head of yours?”
“You,” I answered, but covered my mouth a moment later. “I mean…”
Kai grinned, shaking his head slightly. “Who knew Death was such a charmer?” He asked brightly, leaning back as a firefly drifted between us, the light illuminating his face and his smile beautifully. “I’m glad I met you, Aoi.”
I felt my chest tighten again. Kai had gone a little quiet, his voice more serious. There was still a hint of that kind smile on his face as he gazed at me in a way I had never seen before. It was…it felt…nice. “Me too,” I said. “You’ve opened my eyes to so much. You’re…the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“I’m glad,” Kai smiled, lowering his eyes slightly. And I noticed it, I didn’t miss a thing. “Aoi…” He trailed off, looking like he had a little more to say. But he stopped himself with a shake of his head. “Have you ever met her? Mother Nature?” He asked, changing the topic.
“I have.” After that, we spent the remainder of the night talking and laughing.
* * *
Kai seemed to have gotten a thinner. But he assured me that it was just because it was winter. Food was scarce around the village in these months, and everyone had to sacrifice a little. He insisted that he always lost a little bit of weight during these cold months, and this winter had been one of the harshest yet.
But we still managed to go out and have the fun we normally did. We had multiple snowball fights, which were something that I had never experienced before. But it was fun. Really, really fun! I went a little easier on him though, knowing that with the weight loss came faster fatigue. He got more tired faster and that was ok. I was more than happy to find a nice little place to sit with him. Though it was times like that when I really wished that I could offer him a warm hug, something comforting, something more than the fleece blanket he had wrapped around his shoulders.
It was during winter that we spent more time talking than we did playing. He told me about his childhood, about his mother and his father. He used to have a little sister, but unfortunately she had passed away. I assured him that I’d not had anything to do with that. It may have been someone else. I wasn’t the only thing that killed. I didn’t like to think of it that way either. I liked to think of it more as…helping creatures pass on to the next life.
Kai asked me about that. He asked me about touching things, about what I had done and seen, where I had been. He was less thrilled to know that, as far as I knew, I had living in the forest for all of my existence. Though, I could tell he felt pity for me. Because I didn’t know what I was. All I knew was what I did and what effect I had on the things around me. I confided in him, I told him that I would have rathered have a normal life.
“I would have spent my life with you,” I told him one day, smiling. We’d found and nice little cave where Kai had built a fire. The warmth radiated towards as we lay together, both on our sides facing each other. I studied the way the light from the flame flickered over his face. Beautiful.
Kai smiled, sniffled quietly and rubbing at his cold nose. “Me too.”
* * *
Spring came and the weather began to warm up. Flowers sprouted, everything was buzzing with life, and baby animals were everywhere. And yet…Kai didn’t gain back that weight. In fact, he only seemed to lose more. He looked more and more tired as the days went by, the dark circles that formed under his eyes worried me to no end. I wasn’t blind; I had known this all along. I’d known what was happening, but maybe I had grown selfish in this past year.
Kai was sick.
I followed along behind him as he trailed after his friends, watching them all laughing and bounding off into the distance, towards one of their many gathering spots. They stopped, turning back to call out to Kai, waving him along.
“I’ll catch up with you guys,” he called back, smiling and waving them off.
I watched as his friends gave a few hesitant looks before they turned and continued on their way. I came out of the shadows, stopping a few metres behind Kai. I watched his thin shoulders slump slightly before he turned around to face me, that same warm smile still on his gaunt looking face. “Ah, there you are, my flower,” he mused as he walked towards me. “I missed you this morning.”
I smiled as well, though not as happily as him. “Kai, why did you give me that name? Aoi?”
Kai chuckled quietly, coughing a few times. “Because you’re my flower,” he shrugged before sighing. “I don’t know how to explain it. The moment I saw you I just knew there was more… You… I don’t know, Aoi. You’re not all that people think you are. You’re not just Death. You have a side to you that’s so beautiful. And you also help the flow of life. You’re not the bad guy here.”
My chest was clenching so much tighter now, my heart squeezing and pounding so hard I thought it might break out of my body and flop onto the forest floor. Kai took a little step closer to me, coming into my own personal space which I had never been very comfortable with. “I’m sure you’ve noticed it,” Kai started. “And I’m sure you noticed it even before me.” Kai sniffled as he came that much closer.
Slowly, he held his hand out to me, trying to touch me and I took a step back, quickly shifting away from him as my eyes grew wide. I held my hands out in a gesture that told him to stop. “No, Kai,” I shook my head, frowning at him. “Don’t touch me. You’ll…” God, I couldn’t even say it. I couldn’t deal with that.
“I know,” he confirmed, blinking slowly. “And it’s ok. Aoi…I’m so tired.” I shook my head, watching as tears prickled his pretty eyes. But those eyes had lost the shine they had when I first met him. “It’s ok…it’s ok,” he kept whispering, a tear rolling down his cheek as he reached out and slid his palm against mine.
I drew in a sharp breath, finding it hard to breathe as his skin touched mine. My chest, it hurt so much. The skin of my bottom lip ached slightly as I bit into it rather hard. That smile still remained on Kai’s lips as he slowly threaded his fingers through mine.
“Your skin is just as soft as I always thought it would be,” he said, rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand.
“Kai… Please stop…” I sobbed. And I realised then that I was crying as well. There was a foreign wetness on my cheeks that I recognized as tears. I knew it was too late though. Kai had touched me and there was no going back from there.
He reached his spare hand up, sliding it over my cheek, rubbing it tenderly. And the look in his eyes, god, it was so beautiful. Pure and kind and warm, even so close to the end. “I’m so happy to have met you. I wouldn’t change one thing about the past year. I just wish it had lasted longer.” I could hear it, his voice was weakening as his muscles started to go a little more weak. “Can we…sit?”
I obliged instantly, settling down on the forest floor. His hand cradled mine in his lap as he passed his thumb over my cheek, swiping away the tears that fell. “What am I supposed to do now? I can’t… Without you I…”I trailed of, unable to finish one single sentence.
“You’ll be ok,” Kai whispered, his eyelids starting to look heavy. “I’ll always…be with you. Forever.”
My bottom lip trembled and I shook my head.
“I love you, Aoi.” Kai leaned in, letting the hand that had been caressing my cheek slide around my shoulders as he hugged me tightly, tilting his head so that his lips touched my own. I frowned, sliding my hand around his waist and pressing my lips back against his.
“You too,” I choked out against his soft lips, that were slowly cooling down. I opened my eyes to look into his barely open ones. “K-Kai… I love you too,” I told him. I could see the life slipping away from him, bit by bit. “I love you, I love you…” I whispered it over and over again, sliding my fingers through his hair and brushing it away from his pale face. The smile twitched at his lips again as he let out one last breath
Then he was gone.
His eyes slipped shut, his mouth returning to a regular neutral shape, his body going still against mine, sagging into me. I chocked, shaking my head. “No…” I gathered him up in my arms, hugging him tightly to myself as my shoulders shook. His shirt became damp with the tears that wouldn’t seem to stop as I clutched at him, rocking us back and forth, desperately wishing that this wasn’t true. But it was.
Kai was gone.
I didn’t know how long I sat there for, but eventually I could hear the sound of his friends in the distance, so it must have against a nearby tree. I brushed the hair from his face, leaning down to gently kiss his forehead.
Then, with one last look over my shoulder I left, tightly clutching the little hand crafted hollyhock pendant he had pushed into my grasp.
I knew he would always be with me.
Forever.
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A/N: Did I manage to make anyone cry?? Coz I cried while I was writing it ^^; But anyway, here is the video for anyone interested~ https://www.facebook.com/AishaOnAir/videos/990992880974756/
Author: ravennightmare6
Chapter: Chapter 1/1
Genre: AU, Fantasy, Heavy Angst, Fluff,
Rating: R
P airing: Aoi & Kai
Synopsi s: The day Death fell in love with Life.
Warnings : GET THE FUCKING TISSUES
Disclaimer: As unfortunate as it may be, I do not own The GazettE. I only own the mediocre plot.
Comments: This fic was inspired by an animation that I saw on Facebook and it made me cry so much. Yeah, it’s quite heavily based off that, but obviously I put my own little swing on things. Apologies for any silly spelling or grammar mistakes. I edited it sloppily >< More at the bottom, darlings <3
The sun shone through the canopy of leaves above my head, sending intricate little patterns dancing over the lush green grass below my feet. The light was soft, not harsh at all and I suppose it was rather beautiful. Everything in the forest was so green and youthful, lively animals, birds chirping, butterflies fluttering, the sound laughing in the distance as they played just outside of their village. Everything felt so…alive.
And then there was me. In truth I didn’t one hundred percent know what I was, but I knew that I never brought good. I had grown to accept that though, it was merely a part of my existence. I say existence because I wasn’t really sure how long I had been alive, I just knew I had always kind of…been there. It seemed that the life in the forest hardly seemed to notice me much anymore, and if they did they were afraid of me.
But that was ok, I understood why.
I wasn’t in the forest for nothing. I suppose I was there to create balance, a concept that the Great Mother herself was rather fond of. With so much life blossoming everywhere there had to be an equal amount of death. Animals’ and humans’ lives were fleeting. They lived simply and quickly and eventually they became too old, their joints began to ache or they would develop an illness. Then it would be time for their passing, so that the cycle of life could continue.
This was where I came in.
The leaves of the trees rustled quietly as I glided through them, my black robe dragging lightly over the forest floor. In front of me there lay a bird. The poor thing had fallen from its nest, its wing was broken and it was clearly in pain. I knew the bird would never recover from this kind of injury. I sighed as I approached, crouching down beside the poor creature, who was making small wheezed tweets that signalled its obvious discomfort.
“Do not fear any longer, I will set you free,” I told it as I placed my hand against the tiny creature’s back. I watched as the bird’s eyes drifted shut, life having left its small body to pass on to the next life, whatever that was. Sometimes it felt like I could feel the soul of the creature slipping against my palm as it left its host. It was a bittersweet feeling, but one that I had grown used to and had desensitized to. Or perhaps I had never felt sensitive about it.
This was my duty in the world, to help support the balance between life and death. The Great Mother had put me here with the instruction to maintain order. More or less.
* * *
I watched a wolf from the edge of the clearing. She didn’t look sick, nor did she look old. But…sometimes creatures died for no particular reason other than the fact that it was just a part of life. I had a quota to fill, sort of. The Great Mother liked me to complete a certain amount of tasks per day, but the fact that my forest was not overly large meant that there wasn’t an overabundance of sick or injured creatures. I knew already that I might need to turn to the humans who lived nearby.
I sighed as I approached the wolf. She hadn’t heard me coming, and so the hand I lay on her back came as a surprise to her. She flinched slightly, looking over her shoulder at me and we locked eyes briefly before hers began to go dim and she sank to the ground. Her breath slowed until she lay her head down on the ground, her body finally going completely lax. Standing up, I dipped my head to her in respect before leaving the clearing.
The human village was a simple one; huts, fire pits, meat racks that were left to cure and dry, small weapons shacks for the hunters. They lived peacefully and as far as I could tell they lived happily as well. I really only turned to the humans when I needed to, when one of their elderly needed to move on, or one of them was too sick or injured to recover. But there were rare occasions like this one when I needed to perform my duty with them as well.
So I followed a small group of the younger ones as they went out. My guess was that they were all in their late teen years or their early twenties. They were young, they still had a lot of life left to live…well…not for one of them.
I stuck to the shadows as I followed along, sifting my eyes over them. I knew I would need to reveal myself in order to perform my task. To the humans I was kind of like a legend. Only a few of them had seen me, but I suppose they knew I lurked in the forest and that I was always present, that I came to them when I needed to.
I paused as the group of young humans stopped, chatting and laughing amongst themselves and I figured to myself that now was as good a time as any. I picked one; he had long chestnut coloured hair decorated with feathers, a cute dimpled face and a kind smile. He would do.
I steeled myself as I stepped out of the shadows, slowly making my way towards the small group. Luckily they hadn’t seen me yet and I hoped that maybe I would be able to touch the young man before they really spotted me. But my luck was not so good it seemed. Because one of the young women looked up, her eyes widening as she laid them on my painted face, my pitch black eyes, and my black robe. She knew who I was.
“Run…” She breathed, making her friends look up. They followed her gaze to where I stood, not all that far behind the young man I had picked out. And the looks on their faces was shock and then fear. Within moments they had all bolted away, disappearing into the forest.
All but him.
The dimple-faced young man with feathers in his hair. He looked at me, eyes studying me curiously, raking up and down my form as a little frown settled on his brow. Instantly I wanted to reach out to smooth the little line out. But something stopped me and I couldn’t do it. We stood like that for the longest time, just staring at one another until he did something that no one had ever done before…
He smiled at me. Those dimples appearing in his cheeks and I just had to stand there, rather shocked. No one had ever smiled at me before. And then, just like that, he turned and left with the rest of his friends. Clearly he hadn’t found me a threat like the rest of his friends had and that left me with a strange feeling bubbling in my chest.
I felt compelled to follow the young man, so I did. I followed along behind him, sticking to the shadows. I stopped as he wandered out into a clearing, meeting his friends there who seemed relieved by his presence. It was obvious to be that they had been scared for their friend’s safety and I didn’t blame them. I felt strange as I watched the way he interacted with him, watched the way he smiled almost all the time. He was practically glowing. It was like…he was the embodiment of life, making everything around him seem so happy and…alive.
I stood at the outskirts of the field, my heart clenching strangely in my chest and all at once I knew I wanted to know him. I wanted to know his name, about his life, about his personality. I wanted to discover him. Perhaps I could do it. Perhaps I could befriend this human, try something that I never had before. He seemed kind enough to give me the chance. I took a small step forwards into the field, gently brushing a tall flower out of my way. Though I froze as I felt the life it held wither against my palm. I pulled my hand back, looking at the blackened flower and feeling a little pang of sadness.
Even if I was to befriend this human, we would never be able to have to have any kind of physical interaction. We’d never be able to play, I could never playfully ruffle his hair like one of his other friends had just done with him, I could never have any kind of physical contact with him.
But despite all of this…I still wanted to know him.
* * *
I followed the boy for the following week. Any chance that I got, after having performed my duty I would find him and just… watch him. He was a fascinating creature, really. He liked to wander by himself as well. I often found him out in the field near his village, lying against the grass as he stared up at the sky. I always wondered what he was doing. Was he watching the clouds? I think he was. He also liked to pick flowers. He’d sometimes sit there and admire the same flower for a few long moments as a small smile crept over his lips. He seemed absolutely fascinated with the very concept of life.
One day I watched him as the sun began to set over the horizon. Usually he went back to his village before the sun could set, but tonight seem different. Tonight he was laying out on the grass as he so often did, his arms folded underneath his head as he gazed up at the stars.
“I know that you’re there,” he said, and I startled slightly, blinking. “Come out.”
I swallowed thickly. Was it really right? Should I really engage with him? I wasn’t sure…because I didn’t want him, someone who was so bright and full of life, to be dampened by someone like me. Someone who only brought death. I wrung my hands, hesitating.
“Please come out,” he tried again.
And how could I resist that voice?
Slowly, I stepped out of the shadow of the tree line, watching as he sat up. His eyes looked over me the same way they had the first time I had seen him. I approached him slowly, keeping my distance as I sat down a respectable distance from him. Then he did it again; he smiled. And I felt my chest clench slightly.
“I know you’ve been following me,” he said, but he didn’t sound mad or annoyed like I thought he might of. Instead, he sounded curious. Which made me a little confused. “Why is that?”
I lowered my eyes a little, looking down at the soft grass beneath me. I hadn’t ever spoken to anyone but the Great Mother; it was strange to think of doing it with this human. The very human who had absolutely captivated my attention from the moment I saw him.
“Do you speak?” he asked, giggling in a way that made my chest flutter like it never had before. Like a swarm of butterflies had come alive inside of me. Which was ironic.
“…Yes,” I answered quietly, my voice feeling odd as it left my mouth. “I’m sorry…that I’ve been following you. I haven’t meant to frighten you.”
The human shook his head and smiled, this time the edged of his eyes crinkled a little from the width of the kind gesture. “Don’t worry, you haven’t frightened me. It’s who didn’t need to be frightened. You could have spoken to me sooner if you wanted it.” I sat up a little straighter as he looked at me curiously. “You’re him, aren’t you…?” He inquired after a little while. “You’re Death.”
My shoulders slumped slightly. So he did know who I was, and yet he was still sitting there, smiling at me and engaging in conversation with me. I nodded slowly. “Yes,” I answered again. “I am.”
“I never thought I would really meet you,” he mused, picking at a small piece of grass on the ground. I would have done the same, but the grass would have withered and died instantly. “Am I supposed to die?” He asked, tilting his head in the cutest most curious way, and I could feel my chest tighten; feeling seemed to be a recurring theme with him.
I could only stare for a few long moments. It seemed that I was constantly being distracted by the kindness that radiated from him and the warmth he gave off. “No. You’re not supposed to die. Not yet.” How could I tell him that I’d been about to let him pass on even though he had no reason to? I couldn’t tell him that, there was no way.
“Oh, good,” he grinned, letting out a little sigh of relief. “I still have so many questions I want to ask you. Like your name, what is it?”
“My name?” I frowned slightly, pursing my lips a little as I looked down at the ground. After a few long moments of silence I shook my head and looked back up at him. “I…don’t know. I don’t think I have a name.”
That smile was back, the one that made me feel a little bit giddy. “Then I’ll give you one,” he chirped. He tilted his head in that endearing manor once more, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth to nibble on it briefly. “I think Aoi suits you,” he said.
“Aoi? Like, the colour?”
“No, silly,” he giggled, shaking his head. “The flower.”
How ironic, I thought. Flowers were basically a symbol of life, and yet here he was…name Death after a symbol of life. I didn’t understand it, but I didn’t question it. Because it was the name he gave to me, and so it was s name that I would very much treasure.
“And you?” I finally asked. “What is your name?”
“Kai.”
* * *
Kai was so kind. Even when he was with his friend and he knew that I was following him, he would never tell me to go away. He, of course, knew that his friends didn’t particularly like me and so sometimes when they weren’t looking his eyes would find me in the shadows and he would smile at me. The more time I spent around him the more I got to know that he was the kindest soul I had ever known. I could see it; his soul was pure.
One summer day we were sitting by the lake, Kai decided to separate from his friends for the day and so I had taken the opportunity to slip in and sit nearby as he took a cupped handful of water from the lake, taking a few sips. I watched him closely as he shut his eyes, drinking the cool water. It seemed as though every little move he made could make me feel so warm. It was a warmth I’d never known and I really liked it. Everything he did was so fascinating to me.
My eyes widened slightly when he looked up and I quickly turned my eyes the other way when he looked at me. I could feel his eyes burning into the side of my face for a few moments before he giggled and went back to drinking. As soon as I felt his eyes move away from me I went back to watching him. Though I was sure he could feel my gaze. I never understood why he was so nice to me, but I treasured every moment I had with him.
I was lost in thought, too busy thinking about…just…Kai. I jumped when cool water splashed over me and I blinked, shaking my head a little, scattering droplets of water over the ground. My eyes fixed on Kai, who was grinning like a madman, laughing at the shocked expression on my face. I think he understood that I had never really…been social before. Because he encouraged me, flicking a little more water at me, absolutely radiating playfulness.
It took a few moments, but eventually I smiled. The first smile of my entire existence. And then I laughed. Stooping down, I scooped up my own handful of water and splashed it at him, watching as he tried to shield his face from my attack, giggling. It wasn’t long at all before we were both in the water, splashing and laughing and I was genuinely having fun. I wondered, idly, if this was what life was like? If living real like was fun, with laughter and friends. And people like Kai, who made my heart sing like nothing else ever had.
* * *
Kai and I spent the following months getting to know one another. A lot of the time he would leave the village whenever he could and we would spend what time we could together. I was usually around, waiting and watching, ready to greet him once he was far away enough from the village that he didn’t risk anyone seeing me. He always smiled when he saw me as well, that dimpled smile lighting up my entire day. I was absolutely positive that he was the human embodiment of life. A creature as precious as him just had to be.
We often liked to wander the forest together, find somewhere nice to sit and we would just talk for hours and hours on end. Sometimes he got tired though, fast. And so he would take a small nap, while I watched over him. He always said that he felt bad about it, but I brushed him off every time. I really didn’t mind. I enjoyed watching the peaceful expression on his face as he slept.
It was one of those times. Kai was feeling particularly tired this overcast autumn day and I smiled reassuringly as he lay himself down and curled up a little. He sat close to me, but not close enough to touch. I always made sure there was a distance between us. But oh, how I wanted to touch him. I wanted to be able to feel his hair, his skin, hold his hand. I wanted to have him close enough to be able to know what he smelt like. Something told me he would smell of the rain, the earth, with a hint of sweetness. He would smell like what I imagine life smelled like. I wanted to hug him, I wanted to hold him, I wanted to kiss him. I wanted us to be able to huddle together beneath the canopy and share everything. I wanted to hold his hand as we watched the stars together. Every single fibre in my body yearned for him. I wondered if he felt the same. Sometimes I thought he did… There was just something about the way he looked at me that made me feel like maybe, just maybe, he felt the same.
Kai had been asleep for around forty minutes when I felt the first drops of rain begin to fall, the crispness of the autumn rain feeling chilly on my skin. I glanced down at Kai as the drop grew heavier and heavier. I saw him shiver slightly and a frown settled on my face. He was cold. And well…I couldn’t pick him up to move him.
I thought for a few moments before I stood up behind him. Curling my hands into my cape, I leaned over a little held my arms out to create a little shelter for him. The rain’s sudden stop caused Kai to stir and he yawned quietly before he opened his eyes, rubbing them in the most adorable sleepy way.
“Hm…?” He seemed confused for a few seconds about where he was because blinked and looked up at me, a sleepy little smile curling over his pretty lips. “Oh, Aoi. Thank you.”
I smiled back, nodding. “Anything for you,” I answered, without really even thinking. I wondered instantly if maybe I had made a mistake by saying that. But Kai’s smile reassured me that all was well.
Later that night, once the rain had cleared, we found ourselves out in the field as fireflies danced around us. The moon was high in the sky, large and full and beautiful. Kai and I sat side by side, if I was to lean over a little our shoulders might brush. But I didn’t dare to get any closer to him. We sat together like that and Kai pointed out the different constellations to me, telling me what they were called and the story behind them.
But eventually I stopped looking at the stars, and instead my attention turned to him. I watched his lips, the way they moved and formed words. It watched his face and the expressions that passed over it as he told me different stories. And I listened to his voice. He was so expressive.
“Aoi?” He waved his hand in front of my face, but it took me a few moments to actually pay attention and when I realised that he was trying to get my attention I shook my head slightly and blinked. Kai giggled, shaking his head. “You lose focus so much. What goes on in that head of yours?”
“You,” I answered, but covered my mouth a moment later. “I mean…”
Kai grinned, shaking his head slightly. “Who knew Death was such a charmer?” He asked brightly, leaning back as a firefly drifted between us, the light illuminating his face and his smile beautifully. “I’m glad I met you, Aoi.”
I felt my chest tighten again. Kai had gone a little quiet, his voice more serious. There was still a hint of that kind smile on his face as he gazed at me in a way I had never seen before. It was…it felt…nice. “Me too,” I said. “You’ve opened my eyes to so much. You’re…the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“I’m glad,” Kai smiled, lowering his eyes slightly. And I noticed it, I didn’t miss a thing. “Aoi…” He trailed off, looking like he had a little more to say. But he stopped himself with a shake of his head. “Have you ever met her? Mother Nature?” He asked, changing the topic.
“I have.” After that, we spent the remainder of the night talking and laughing.
* * *
Kai seemed to have gotten a thinner. But he assured me that it was just because it was winter. Food was scarce around the village in these months, and everyone had to sacrifice a little. He insisted that he always lost a little bit of weight during these cold months, and this winter had been one of the harshest yet.
But we still managed to go out and have the fun we normally did. We had multiple snowball fights, which were something that I had never experienced before. But it was fun. Really, really fun! I went a little easier on him though, knowing that with the weight loss came faster fatigue. He got more tired faster and that was ok. I was more than happy to find a nice little place to sit with him. Though it was times like that when I really wished that I could offer him a warm hug, something comforting, something more than the fleece blanket he had wrapped around his shoulders.
It was during winter that we spent more time talking than we did playing. He told me about his childhood, about his mother and his father. He used to have a little sister, but unfortunately she had passed away. I assured him that I’d not had anything to do with that. It may have been someone else. I wasn’t the only thing that killed. I didn’t like to think of it that way either. I liked to think of it more as…helping creatures pass on to the next life.
Kai asked me about that. He asked me about touching things, about what I had done and seen, where I had been. He was less thrilled to know that, as far as I knew, I had living in the forest for all of my existence. Though, I could tell he felt pity for me. Because I didn’t know what I was. All I knew was what I did and what effect I had on the things around me. I confided in him, I told him that I would have rathered have a normal life.
“I would have spent my life with you,” I told him one day, smiling. We’d found and nice little cave where Kai had built a fire. The warmth radiated towards as we lay together, both on our sides facing each other. I studied the way the light from the flame flickered over his face. Beautiful.
Kai smiled, sniffled quietly and rubbing at his cold nose. “Me too.”
* * *
Spring came and the weather began to warm up. Flowers sprouted, everything was buzzing with life, and baby animals were everywhere. And yet…Kai didn’t gain back that weight. In fact, he only seemed to lose more. He looked more and more tired as the days went by, the dark circles that formed under his eyes worried me to no end. I wasn’t blind; I had known this all along. I’d known what was happening, but maybe I had grown selfish in this past year.
Kai was sick.
I followed along behind him as he trailed after his friends, watching them all laughing and bounding off into the distance, towards one of their many gathering spots. They stopped, turning back to call out to Kai, waving him along.
“I’ll catch up with you guys,” he called back, smiling and waving them off.
I watched as his friends gave a few hesitant looks before they turned and continued on their way. I came out of the shadows, stopping a few metres behind Kai. I watched his thin shoulders slump slightly before he turned around to face me, that same warm smile still on his gaunt looking face. “Ah, there you are, my flower,” he mused as he walked towards me. “I missed you this morning.”
I smiled as well, though not as happily as him. “Kai, why did you give me that name? Aoi?”
Kai chuckled quietly, coughing a few times. “Because you’re my flower,” he shrugged before sighing. “I don’t know how to explain it. The moment I saw you I just knew there was more… You… I don’t know, Aoi. You’re not all that people think you are. You’re not just Death. You have a side to you that’s so beautiful. And you also help the flow of life. You’re not the bad guy here.”
My chest was clenching so much tighter now, my heart squeezing and pounding so hard I thought it might break out of my body and flop onto the forest floor. Kai took a little step closer to me, coming into my own personal space which I had never been very comfortable with. “I’m sure you’ve noticed it,” Kai started. “And I’m sure you noticed it even before me.” Kai sniffled as he came that much closer.
Slowly, he held his hand out to me, trying to touch me and I took a step back, quickly shifting away from him as my eyes grew wide. I held my hands out in a gesture that told him to stop. “No, Kai,” I shook my head, frowning at him. “Don’t touch me. You’ll…” God, I couldn’t even say it. I couldn’t deal with that.
“I know,” he confirmed, blinking slowly. “And it’s ok. Aoi…I’m so tired.” I shook my head, watching as tears prickled his pretty eyes. But those eyes had lost the shine they had when I first met him. “It’s ok…it’s ok,” he kept whispering, a tear rolling down his cheek as he reached out and slid his palm against mine.
I drew in a sharp breath, finding it hard to breathe as his skin touched mine. My chest, it hurt so much. The skin of my bottom lip ached slightly as I bit into it rather hard. That smile still remained on Kai’s lips as he slowly threaded his fingers through mine.
“Your skin is just as soft as I always thought it would be,” he said, rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand.
“Kai… Please stop…” I sobbed. And I realised then that I was crying as well. There was a foreign wetness on my cheeks that I recognized as tears. I knew it was too late though. Kai had touched me and there was no going back from there.
He reached his spare hand up, sliding it over my cheek, rubbing it tenderly. And the look in his eyes, god, it was so beautiful. Pure and kind and warm, even so close to the end. “I’m so happy to have met you. I wouldn’t change one thing about the past year. I just wish it had lasted longer.” I could hear it, his voice was weakening as his muscles started to go a little more weak. “Can we…sit?”
I obliged instantly, settling down on the forest floor. His hand cradled mine in his lap as he passed his thumb over my cheek, swiping away the tears that fell. “What am I supposed to do now? I can’t… Without you I…”I trailed of, unable to finish one single sentence.
“You’ll be ok,” Kai whispered, his eyelids starting to look heavy. “I’ll always…be with you. Forever.”
My bottom lip trembled and I shook my head.
“I love you, Aoi.” Kai leaned in, letting the hand that had been caressing my cheek slide around my shoulders as he hugged me tightly, tilting his head so that his lips touched my own. I frowned, sliding my hand around his waist and pressing my lips back against his.
“You too,” I choked out against his soft lips, that were slowly cooling down. I opened my eyes to look into his barely open ones. “K-Kai… I love you too,” I told him. I could see the life slipping away from him, bit by bit. “I love you, I love you…” I whispered it over and over again, sliding my fingers through his hair and brushing it away from his pale face. The smile twitched at his lips again as he let out one last breath
Then he was gone.
His eyes slipped shut, his mouth returning to a regular neutral shape, his body going still against mine, sagging into me. I chocked, shaking my head. “No…” I gathered him up in my arms, hugging him tightly to myself as my shoulders shook. His shirt became damp with the tears that wouldn’t seem to stop as I clutched at him, rocking us back and forth, desperately wishing that this wasn’t true. But it was.
Kai was gone.
I didn’t know how long I sat there for, but eventually I could hear the sound of his friends in the distance, so it must have against a nearby tree. I brushed the hair from his face, leaning down to gently kiss his forehead.
Then, with one last look over my shoulder I left, tightly clutching the little hand crafted hollyhock pendant he had pushed into my grasp.
I knew he would always be with me.
Forever.
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A/N: Did I manage to make anyone cry?? Coz I cried while I was writing it ^^; But anyway, here is the video for anyone interested~ https://www.facebook.com/AishaOnAir/videos/990992880974756/