(no subject)
I'm in Chicago. I love my family here. I miss my friends right now, specifically Lindsay and Ben. I feel like I'm far away from everyone I know in a more figurative way even though I really am in a literal way. I want to be able to curl up and hide away and know that everyone will still want me just as much when I come back.
I went to church today and it made me sad because I wanted really badly to feel what I used to feel, and I opened my heart and it just seemed laughable, what they were saying. It felt like a cult, and that was especially depressing. I kept expecting this God they spoke of to lift a side of the huge cathedral ceiling like a toy box and look down on us with a child's eyes,at his toys. who must be created in His image because they were certainly thinking like helpless little children. To those of you who've never experienced it, the loss of genuine faith is utterly painful. It's like being a poor lost little orphan and waking up from some lovely, vivid dream that you had loving parents, and a big beautiful house and everything was going to be good. Every time I come back here it's like I keep trying to go back to sleep, thinking maybe the dream will come back and everything will feel okay again, and maybe I won't have to wake up this time.
I went to church today and it made me sad because I wanted really badly to feel what I used to feel, and I opened my heart and it just seemed laughable, what they were saying. It felt like a cult, and that was especially depressing. I kept expecting this God they spoke of to lift a side of the huge cathedral ceiling like a toy box and look down on us with a child's eyes,at his toys. who must be created in His image because they were certainly thinking like helpless little children. To those of you who've never experienced it, the loss of genuine faith is utterly painful. It's like being a poor lost little orphan and waking up from some lovely, vivid dream that you had loving parents, and a big beautiful house and everything was going to be good. Every time I come back here it's like I keep trying to go back to sleep, thinking maybe the dream will come back and everything will feel okay again, and maybe I won't have to wake up this time.