the worst sound...
is hearing my younger sister sob over the phone, begging me to help her talk to our mother.
And I am taken back exactly ten years ago....when I was in the exact same place.
I was 23, had pretty much no one and my mom was terrible to me about my decision to have my estranged father at my wedding.
In the last hour, I have spent it almost completely on the telephone with one, then the other then back to the first, trying to get the two of them calm. My mom has 30 years of unresolved anger, disappointment and hurt over my father, their divorce when we were toddlers and the subsequent drama over the years and it has boiled over into anger.
She said some terrible things to my sister about how shitty our dad is/was and tried to guilt her by telling her mom's whole family wouldn't come to her wedding.
It's frankly abuse....my mother is still a hurting 21 year old divorcee with two small children and a lot of hurt....so I feel terrible for her....but I know how my sister feels too. And I know one thing (if I've learned anything in the thirty some years of life)....and it's I'd rather fight for what i want than to have regrets about not doing it later.
I actually said to my mother that I am sorry her life was so hard on our behalf...but that I wanted my sister, more than anything, to have one damned day of it that wasn't torn in two.
And I told my sister (something I've never said before out loud) that I am sorry we had two kinda crappy parents, but that I'm glad I didn't have to go through it alone.
Hopefully the compassion I tried to give them both will give them some sort of peace.
For me, I have a terrible headache and want to cry now.
And I am taken back exactly ten years ago....when I was in the exact same place.
I was 23, had pretty much no one and my mom was terrible to me about my decision to have my estranged father at my wedding.
In the last hour, I have spent it almost completely on the telephone with one, then the other then back to the first, trying to get the two of them calm. My mom has 30 years of unresolved anger, disappointment and hurt over my father, their divorce when we were toddlers and the subsequent drama over the years and it has boiled over into anger.
She said some terrible things to my sister about how shitty our dad is/was and tried to guilt her by telling her mom's whole family wouldn't come to her wedding.
It's frankly abuse....my mother is still a hurting 21 year old divorcee with two small children and a lot of hurt....so I feel terrible for her....but I know how my sister feels too. And I know one thing (if I've learned anything in the thirty some years of life)....and it's I'd rather fight for what i want than to have regrets about not doing it later.
I actually said to my mother that I am sorry her life was so hard on our behalf...but that I wanted my sister, more than anything, to have one damned day of it that wasn't torn in two.
And I told my sister (something I've never said before out loud) that I am sorry we had two kinda crappy parents, but that I'm glad I didn't have to go through it alone.
Hopefully the compassion I tried to give them both will give them some sort of peace.
For me, I have a terrible headache and want to cry now.