getting this off my chest
okay, this is really bugging me today and i think it will help me get over it if i just write about it.
I wrote a small joke last week in my item about the What Happens in Vegas premiere. It was actually a last minute add that I came up with quickly, right before it went to copy, and I thought it was funny:
We were delighted to discover that Demi Moore's hub-unit, Ashton Kutcher, was 10 times more gorge in real life than in every ep of That '70s Show combined. Cut from magnificent marble, for reals. Sure, this is a 25-year-old female’s opinion, but a crush on the Kutch was never seriously considered. Never really had a thing for the prankster who popularized trucker hats. But now? Dude's a serious step-DILF-way to go, Dem. Get a move on baby making already...any kid you conceive won't be born with Bruce Willis' forehead this time around.
Basically, our column has repeatedly made fun of Rumer Willis, because, well, she's annoying. And one of our sources overheard her talking shit about other celebs, including Miley Cyrus. And I don't know the girl personally, but she's a public figure, and her persona is that of an annoying, unattractive (inside and out) person. So I was playing off that. Whatever. I've certainly written worse.
Then I got an email from an anonymous person (not so anonymous for me, since I have their email address):
You ignorant Bitch!
How very rude of you to make a comment about Bruce's daughter's foreheads! You must have been picked on a lot in school. I guess everyone can't be as beautiful as you apparently think you are.
This isn't high school and your rude mouth will bring the upmost deserved karma back on you!
Those girl(s) have feelings, or don't you care, shithole! I hope Demi kicks your ass!
I think this is funny. Particularly since I'm haaaaaardly the first person to make fun of Rumer, or any other celebrity or person of note. And to be honest, I didn't say a forehead like Bruce Willis' was bad, did I? I also think it's funny that an adult person (whose email address, BY THE BY, is RobAandDonna@aol.com , ya know, just saying) could call somebody a shithole and a bitch for making a joke about a celebrity. So i post this in the mailbag with other letters with this reponse in today's column:
Dear Obviously a Friend of Rumer's:
I hope Mrs. Kutcher does kick my ass! That would be an amazing story: “See this scar here? Demi Moore gave me that scar!” It’s a lot more fun than the emotional scars I have from being made fun of back in elementary school, fer sure.
See? I didn't even say anything about the mean comments directed at me, really, i just made another joke, as opposed to attacking the letter writer. And guess what? I got ANOTHER letter today from the same person, whose email, I think I aforementioned, is RobAandDonna@aol.com, so much for anonyminity!
No, sorry, not a friend of Rumers...but at least I know understand why you felt compelled to make fun of someone's looks. I just read the column that you posted your pic...and I now understand. I'd probably make fun of others looks too if I had a nose like that! WOW!
What the fuck is wrong with people? Seriously? Do people REALLY like leaving mean comments to people, hoping to start an online war? And THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY NOSE GOD DAMMIT. It's the same pic I use on my UCB page:
http://losangeles.ucbtheatre.com/performers/7647
This person, who I guess is married because of their email address, RobAandDonna@aol.com, which means somebody could stand them long enough to marry them, gag me, reminds me of this girl in 7th grade. I don't even remember her name. I think it was something generic like Jen or Ashley. Anyway, she was a bitch. Like, loud, annoying, disrespectful to the teacher, would copy people's homework, would never do her own work, rolled her eyes at things she thought was beneath her, never paid attention in class but would get mad at you if you didn't share your answers with her. That kind of bitch, like, a real one. Not just saying that because I didn't like her.
Anyway, I remember her last name began with an A, so she was always in front of me in homeroom or whatever other class we had together that wasn't an honors class, since she wasn't enrolled in any (just sayin'!!!). We didn't like each other. But I kept quiet, as was my nature. She knew I didn't like her, or probably respect her, since I wouldn't share my work with her, so she'd make fun of me. One day, at my locker, she came up to her locker (which was next to mine, goody for me all year). "Your nails are so ugly." You know what? My nails were HARDLY ugly. In fact, that was probably the best thing I had going for me back then. My beautiful nails everyone complimented all the time. They were strong, and long, but not too long, and always polished to perfection, as though a professional manicured them. "Your nails are so ugly." And then she waited for a response. Just looking at me, waiting, anticipating for me to fight back, so she could tear me down again. All I did was roll my eyes. I knew my nails weren't ugly. That's the best she could do? Had she run out of fat jokes? I walked away, without dignifying her with a response.
The last time I was ever made fun of was in 8th grade. I had lost pretty much all of my weight by then, not like I was a stick, but I wasn't fat. At that point, I think I had gotten contacts and had blonde-ish hair. I wasn't "cool", but I wasn't exactly queen nerd. I had friends. And I don't even remember the context, but I remember someone, a boy (in regular classes, as opposed to honors classes like me, just sayin) calling me fat in the cafeteria. And no one joined in with him. No one laughed at me, or with him, or anything. I remember thinking, seriously? And that was it. That's the last time my physical appearance was made the joke of someone. Well, in front of me at least. Who knows what people say behind their backs, but I'd like to think once reaching high school, if you weren't morbidly obese or extremely strange-looking, you were pretty much left alone or not discussed whatsoever. And once college was over, any comments of the sort are deemed as immature, and extremely rude.
There is one more experience I remember from 8th grade, again, when I had lost a lot of weight at weight-loss camp, but was still in the process of changing myself. I went with my mom to get contacts for the first time, back on Long Island. It was new and weird and uncomfortable, but still worth it to ditch my nerdy glasses. The optometrist, a female, put them in my eyes to show me how to do it. Then I went outside the room, into the main store with all the glasses and such, to try to take them out and put them back in myself. My mom was busy looking around the store, but as I tried to push the lenses in a sensitive area, struggling as usual in sensitive areas, I overheard the optometrist talking to a nurse not fifteen feet away:
"You see that fat girl over there? She's having the hardest time putting those contacts on."
This wasn't just an adult, and a female (as though our kind is supposed to be more accepting, yeah right) but a fucking DOCTOR. A PROFESSIONAL ADULT DOCTOR was calling me fat. This wasn't a kid who didn't know any better, shouting things during recess. This was an eye doctor's office. I started tearing up when I overheard this, but because of the saline solution on my cheeks, my mom couldn't tell. I wanted to tell my mother I wanted to leave, right then, but I said nothing. The optomatrist came over, smiled, handed over the bill, and said have a nice day.
Guess what! there are some ADULTS out there who have never grown up, that still find miserable ways to get to people for no good reason other than boredom. I pity those people. If I ever found out one of my friends would be the type of person to anonymously write derogatory things online to strangers slash professional writers paid to make jokes out of pop culture figures which is why you're reading the fucking column in the first place, I'd defriend them, and not just on myspace.
I'm posting the comment in friday's mailbag, because really, I kind of want everyone to see how mean (and stupid) people can be at any age. This is my repsonse:
Dear Moore Bitching,
Wow, you must really miss Ted and his cute button nose! Don’t worry, mister or missy (since you insist on remaining safely sans moniker), he’ll be back soon enough. I would still poke fun of public figures if I didn’t even have a nose, thank ya very much. That can’t be fixed with a quick trip to Ashlee Simpson’s surgeon, no way.
I think the part that personally hurts me the most about this is I can't write back to them. I can't call them out on their horrible behavior or online etiquette. I can't defend myself because I have to be professional. I can't take things personally because this random person is just one person who obviously is no one whose opinion I would care about in real life. That's the hard part - doing (next to) nothing.
I can't write them back personally, so I'll say it here: Fuck you, douchebag. Way to contribute to society by getting into internet fights with a stranger. And I know I mentioned this asshole's email in here, but please don't send them hate letters on my behalf. Spam, though, would be great.
Okay, I'm over it now. Feel better. My nose, full of Jewish heritage, is awesome. It has a diamond in it for christ's sake.
I wrote a small joke last week in my item about the What Happens in Vegas premiere. It was actually a last minute add that I came up with quickly, right before it went to copy, and I thought it was funny:
We were delighted to discover that Demi Moore's hub-unit, Ashton Kutcher, was 10 times more gorge in real life than in every ep of That '70s Show combined. Cut from magnificent marble, for reals. Sure, this is a 25-year-old female’s opinion, but a crush on the Kutch was never seriously considered. Never really had a thing for the prankster who popularized trucker hats. But now? Dude's a serious step-DILF-way to go, Dem. Get a move on baby making already...any kid you conceive won't be born with Bruce Willis' forehead this time around.
Basically, our column has repeatedly made fun of Rumer Willis, because, well, she's annoying. And one of our sources overheard her talking shit about other celebs, including Miley Cyrus. And I don't know the girl personally, but she's a public figure, and her persona is that of an annoying, unattractive (inside and out) person. So I was playing off that. Whatever. I've certainly written worse.
Then I got an email from an anonymous person (not so anonymous for me, since I have their email address):
You ignorant Bitch!
How very rude of you to make a comment about Bruce's daughter's foreheads! You must have been picked on a lot in school. I guess everyone can't be as beautiful as you apparently think you are.
This isn't high school and your rude mouth will bring the upmost deserved karma back on you!
Those girl(s) have feelings, or don't you care, shithole! I hope Demi kicks your ass!
I think this is funny. Particularly since I'm haaaaaardly the first person to make fun of Rumer, or any other celebrity or person of note. And to be honest, I didn't say a forehead like Bruce Willis' was bad, did I? I also think it's funny that an adult person (whose email address, BY THE BY, is RobAandDonna@aol.com , ya know, just saying) could call somebody a shithole and a bitch for making a joke about a celebrity. So i post this in the mailbag with other letters with this reponse in today's column:
Dear Obviously a Friend of Rumer's:
I hope Mrs. Kutcher does kick my ass! That would be an amazing story: “See this scar here? Demi Moore gave me that scar!” It’s a lot more fun than the emotional scars I have from being made fun of back in elementary school, fer sure.
See? I didn't even say anything about the mean comments directed at me, really, i just made another joke, as opposed to attacking the letter writer. And guess what? I got ANOTHER letter today from the same person, whose email, I think I aforementioned, is RobAandDonna@aol.com, so much for anonyminity!
No, sorry, not a friend of Rumers...but at least I know understand why you felt compelled to make fun of someone's looks. I just read the column that you posted your pic...and I now understand. I'd probably make fun of others looks too if I had a nose like that! WOW!
What the fuck is wrong with people? Seriously? Do people REALLY like leaving mean comments to people, hoping to start an online war? And THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY NOSE GOD DAMMIT. It's the same pic I use on my UCB page:
http://losangeles.ucbtheatre.com/performers/7647
This person, who I guess is married because of their email address, RobAandDonna@aol.com, which means somebody could stand them long enough to marry them, gag me, reminds me of this girl in 7th grade. I don't even remember her name. I think it was something generic like Jen or Ashley. Anyway, she was a bitch. Like, loud, annoying, disrespectful to the teacher, would copy people's homework, would never do her own work, rolled her eyes at things she thought was beneath her, never paid attention in class but would get mad at you if you didn't share your answers with her. That kind of bitch, like, a real one. Not just saying that because I didn't like her.
Anyway, I remember her last name began with an A, so she was always in front of me in homeroom or whatever other class we had together that wasn't an honors class, since she wasn't enrolled in any (just sayin'!!!). We didn't like each other. But I kept quiet, as was my nature. She knew I didn't like her, or probably respect her, since I wouldn't share my work with her, so she'd make fun of me. One day, at my locker, she came up to her locker (which was next to mine, goody for me all year). "Your nails are so ugly." You know what? My nails were HARDLY ugly. In fact, that was probably the best thing I had going for me back then. My beautiful nails everyone complimented all the time. They were strong, and long, but not too long, and always polished to perfection, as though a professional manicured them. "Your nails are so ugly." And then she waited for a response. Just looking at me, waiting, anticipating for me to fight back, so she could tear me down again. All I did was roll my eyes. I knew my nails weren't ugly. That's the best she could do? Had she run out of fat jokes? I walked away, without dignifying her with a response.
The last time I was ever made fun of was in 8th grade. I had lost pretty much all of my weight by then, not like I was a stick, but I wasn't fat. At that point, I think I had gotten contacts and had blonde-ish hair. I wasn't "cool", but I wasn't exactly queen nerd. I had friends. And I don't even remember the context, but I remember someone, a boy (in regular classes, as opposed to honors classes like me, just sayin) calling me fat in the cafeteria. And no one joined in with him. No one laughed at me, or with him, or anything. I remember thinking, seriously? And that was it. That's the last time my physical appearance was made the joke of someone. Well, in front of me at least. Who knows what people say behind their backs, but I'd like to think once reaching high school, if you weren't morbidly obese or extremely strange-looking, you were pretty much left alone or not discussed whatsoever. And once college was over, any comments of the sort are deemed as immature, and extremely rude.
There is one more experience I remember from 8th grade, again, when I had lost a lot of weight at weight-loss camp, but was still in the process of changing myself. I went with my mom to get contacts for the first time, back on Long Island. It was new and weird and uncomfortable, but still worth it to ditch my nerdy glasses. The optometrist, a female, put them in my eyes to show me how to do it. Then I went outside the room, into the main store with all the glasses and such, to try to take them out and put them back in myself. My mom was busy looking around the store, but as I tried to push the lenses in a sensitive area, struggling as usual in sensitive areas, I overheard the optometrist talking to a nurse not fifteen feet away:
"You see that fat girl over there? She's having the hardest time putting those contacts on."
This wasn't just an adult, and a female (as though our kind is supposed to be more accepting, yeah right) but a fucking DOCTOR. A PROFESSIONAL ADULT DOCTOR was calling me fat. This wasn't a kid who didn't know any better, shouting things during recess. This was an eye doctor's office. I started tearing up when I overheard this, but because of the saline solution on my cheeks, my mom couldn't tell. I wanted to tell my mother I wanted to leave, right then, but I said nothing. The optomatrist came over, smiled, handed over the bill, and said have a nice day.
Guess what! there are some ADULTS out there who have never grown up, that still find miserable ways to get to people for no good reason other than boredom. I pity those people. If I ever found out one of my friends would be the type of person to anonymously write derogatory things online to strangers slash professional writers paid to make jokes out of pop culture figures which is why you're reading the fucking column in the first place, I'd defriend them, and not just on myspace.
I'm posting the comment in friday's mailbag, because really, I kind of want everyone to see how mean (and stupid) people can be at any age. This is my repsonse:
Dear Moore Bitching,
Wow, you must really miss Ted and his cute button nose! Don’t worry, mister or missy (since you insist on remaining safely sans moniker), he’ll be back soon enough. I would still poke fun of public figures if I didn’t even have a nose, thank ya very much. That can’t be fixed with a quick trip to Ashlee Simpson’s surgeon, no way.
I think the part that personally hurts me the most about this is I can't write back to them. I can't call them out on their horrible behavior or online etiquette. I can't defend myself because I have to be professional. I can't take things personally because this random person is just one person who obviously is no one whose opinion I would care about in real life. That's the hard part - doing (next to) nothing.
I can't write them back personally, so I'll say it here: Fuck you, douchebag. Way to contribute to society by getting into internet fights with a stranger. And I know I mentioned this asshole's email in here, but please don't send them hate letters on my behalf. Spam, though, would be great.
Okay, I'm over it now. Feel better. My nose, full of Jewish heritage, is awesome. It has a diamond in it for christ's sake.