off the rails! (not really)
Totally out of it! How can it happen so fast? Yesterday I was under such masterful control. Today it's as if brain and body were rebelling against my will.
it's the strangest feeling, like there is an anchor at the back of my mind threatening to drag me down, a deep inherent gloominess that threatens to rise (and is succeeding). autopiloting in disaster mode, that's what it's like. It's the irrational feeling that everything is wrong, and that the very notion is concrete, objective, true, fact
and then i realize, every moment of every day the anchor is there, and it takes strong discipline and interior monologuing with my self to haul in the anchor, right the ship, and sail on.
which is, weird. yesterday i was full and confident and free and inspired. today a great grey pall has cast over the sun.......it's so sudden.
I have a loopy fun side like Florence Welch but I mostly like my disciplinarian persona, the one with a stern look and everything under control, because she is the one that gets results, the one that behaves, the one that calculates, and not frazzled and goofy and lost lost lost