rain makes a frightening foray into the bruckheimerverse
Reposted with permission from rainweaver13's LJ, re: someone else's comments on the plot similarities between the Pirates movies and Star Wars:
"It's a standard (and I do mean standard, like back to the dawn of time LOL) "Hero's Journey" plot. But done suckily.
Lots of similarities with SW, which was my first film fandom. You're dead on the money.
I hope to god Will gets killed. It can be nobly, that's fine. But I need the irrational confirmation that Orlando can never be sucked into the Disney maelstrom again. It was bad for him.
My personal dream for Plotless on the Caribbean Part III:
* Tia Dalma is Davy Jones' long-lost love. (Anybody who doesn't see that one coming, please have your EEG checked at the door.) They reunite and miraculously become absolutely whitebread average pye-rates.
They get the Dutchman.
* Jack and Elizabeth end up together, after Will dies heroically to make it possible for Elizaslut to be with Jack without guilt. They get a shiny new ship from HammerSpace.
* Barbossa gets the Pearl.
* Governor Swann is given control of the East India Company after Becket goes down with the Kraken.
* One-eye and Grumpy move to Spain, get married, and raise a houseful of one-eyed, grumpy children. One-Eye becomes an optomitrist. Grumpy runs a day care.
* Norrington escapes somehow in the busy background, vowing never to come near a Disney or Bruckheimer film ever. Ever again. He feels lucky to have escaped with his life and something that may or may not resemble a career.
Plotwise:
Framing sequence: Something important is in the hands of/has been taken by these villainous "others" who dress funny and don't speak English right, so who must be our enemies. It doesn't matter what the "important thing" is. It's a maguffin, anyway.
Act One will be a mildly perilous but overall amusing situation which brings our heroes together and gives Jack a chance to act silly. I'm thinking Jack escaping from the Kraken.
Act Two will be Barbossa vs. Davy Jones. Bombastic music. Lots of action and things going boom. (Look for a return of the cutlery fusillade, or something similar).
Act Three will be everybody against everybody. Jack, Will, Elizaslut, the military, the EITC, pirates, Chinese (or Japanese or Malaysians or whatever Disney settles on), the Dutchman, the Pearl, the Spirit of St. Louis, the Kraken, Krakatoa, sorcery, swords, guns, cannons, monsters from the deep, betrayal, redemption, more monsters from the deep, Amelia Earhart and her plane to bombard the bad guys, three enormous whales including the one that swallowed Jonah, a little wooden boy with a mysteriously growing nose, and a giant octopus.
Act Three.Five: Repeat Act Three, but add a finale of an alien spaceship that takes Jack and Elizaslut into the heavens where they can become stars in the sky.
Framing sequence ending: Everyone left is exhausted, says "Fuck this" and escapes with their lives.
Cynical much?
Guilty.
Please don't hate me."
The Act Two described here will be what I and other eccentric fanficcers like me will write about. For about a week. Before better fandoms intervene and wake us to our senses.
I will be calling her Elizaslut from now on, kthx. XD
-rave
"It's a standard (and I do mean standard, like back to the dawn of time LOL) "Hero's Journey" plot. But done suckily.
Lots of similarities with SW, which was my first film fandom. You're dead on the money.
I hope to god Will gets killed. It can be nobly, that's fine. But I need the irrational confirmation that Orlando can never be sucked into the Disney maelstrom again. It was bad for him.
My personal dream for Plotless on the Caribbean Part III:
* Tia Dalma is Davy Jones' long-lost love. (Anybody who doesn't see that one coming, please have your EEG checked at the door.) They reunite and miraculously become absolutely whitebread average pye-rates.
They get the Dutchman.
* Jack and Elizabeth end up together, after Will dies heroically to make it possible for Elizaslut to be with Jack without guilt. They get a shiny new ship from HammerSpace.
* Barbossa gets the Pearl.
* Governor Swann is given control of the East India Company after Becket goes down with the Kraken.
* One-eye and Grumpy move to Spain, get married, and raise a houseful of one-eyed, grumpy children. One-Eye becomes an optomitrist. Grumpy runs a day care.
* Norrington escapes somehow in the busy background, vowing never to come near a Disney or Bruckheimer film ever. Ever again. He feels lucky to have escaped with his life and something that may or may not resemble a career.
Plotwise:
Framing sequence: Something important is in the hands of/has been taken by these villainous "others" who dress funny and don't speak English right, so who must be our enemies. It doesn't matter what the "important thing" is. It's a maguffin, anyway.
Act One will be a mildly perilous but overall amusing situation which brings our heroes together and gives Jack a chance to act silly. I'm thinking Jack escaping from the Kraken.
Act Two will be Barbossa vs. Davy Jones. Bombastic music. Lots of action and things going boom. (Look for a return of the cutlery fusillade, or something similar).
Act Three will be everybody against everybody. Jack, Will, Elizaslut, the military, the EITC, pirates, Chinese (or Japanese or Malaysians or whatever Disney settles on), the Dutchman, the Pearl, the Spirit of St. Louis, the Kraken, Krakatoa, sorcery, swords, guns, cannons, monsters from the deep, betrayal, redemption, more monsters from the deep, Amelia Earhart and her plane to bombard the bad guys, three enormous whales including the one that swallowed Jonah, a little wooden boy with a mysteriously growing nose, and a giant octopus.
Act Three.Five: Repeat Act Three, but add a finale of an alien spaceship that takes Jack and Elizaslut into the heavens where they can become stars in the sky.
Framing sequence ending: Everyone left is exhausted, says "Fuck this" and escapes with their lives.
Cynical much?
Guilty.
Please don't hate me."
The Act Two described here will be what I and other eccentric fanficcers like me will write about. For about a week. Before better fandoms intervene and wake us to our senses.
I will be calling her Elizaslut from now on, kthx. XD
-rave