the kind of pedantry up with which i will not put
Wah. No cooperation from the muses whatsoever on the fic front. It seems I've hit a mental block quite a bit larger than simple writer's block -- EtE has become tied into all my stress and blahness and general doom & gloom of the past several weeks, and I really need to work through it before I can write again. I think I've got myself so convinced that I'll be able to write after school lets out that I've started to find it impossible to write at all, simply because school's still there lurking in the background. It's frustrating. I don't know if I'll break through it before school's out, but the good news is that that'll only be in a couple of weeks so maybe it won't be too bad even if I can't get over myself.
All my friends are down and that's dragging me down. One friend's dog died and I live too far away to comfort her properly, and it kills me inside that I can only talk to her on the phone... we're both so phone-phobic. And another friend is quietly drifting away, becoming shallower and more judgemental with every passing minute, and the other day we actually got into an argument over whether a pair of pants could possibly be worth $225. And these weren't even impressive pants, either. I could have made a pair if he wanted them that bad, but I guess it was just the principle of the thing. I just couldn't believe he'd even argue for wasting so much money on an effing pair of pants.
He's gay, btw, and this reduction of character has been going on steadily ever since he came out. He complains about everything, he never smiles any more (and he used to be so happy...), he absolutely refuses to enjoy anything in life except what he makes for himself and those things always fall apart and that just makes him complain even more. He used to be a fun, open-minded person with whom I could argue and joke and lounge about to my heart's content. Now I dread going to history class because that's the first time I see him every day and I know he'll just suck the fun out of everything. He says he hates his mother and acts horrible to her all the time, and yes she's overprotective and more than a little ditzy but there's nothing wrong with her that I can see. She never stops him from doing anything he wants, but she doesn't ignore him -- I'd say that's a pretty good thing! I can't help but cringe every time he puts her down or says "fucking bitch" under his breath after hanging up with her on the phone.
It hurts so much to see him getting like this. I know it's not his natural state of being because I knew him before he got new friends and became the epitome of gay stereotype and emo-rebel-teen stereotype all squashed up into one. It's kind of disgusting, although I don't know if I could say that to his face. *headdesk* I need to confront him about it because I know -- I know -- that he wouldn't have to be as miserable as he acts if he just opened up a brain cell or two. But I don't know how to go about it and I don't want to lose the only friend I've got in this whole town who's actually "best-friend" enough that I could call him in the middle of the night. I love the boy, but he's driving me crazy.
I'm just really tired of dealing with it. I never had to deal with stuff like this before now. I've always been a loner, so I'm just not used to social heirarchies and small-town public school friendships. It's a big stress thing for me. EtE and various other stories get tangled up in this mess because I'm always so busy concentrating on not talking about them while I'm around school acquaintances, either because I'd be shunned or because the people who already know about them are sick of hearing me talk about them and would rather talk about themselves. I don't talk a lot in the first place -- no one wants to hear my geeky ramblings, they just want my homework answers and then they want me to shut up and go away, or else listen to their problems.
No one wants to hear that I have problems at all, because they find me disgustingly smart and creative and it's easier to complain about me than to try to match up to me.
Anyway. I've gone on longer than I meant to. I'm just tired, and all my innards have been in a twist over this for so long that I needed to vent, even if it was only to a blank screen. I guess I don't care if anyone replies. You don't know about my life and you don't need my problems, I know. No one does. But LJ is a lot better than real life, and that's so pathetic that I'm just not even going to think about it any more.
In other news, I saw the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie for the second time today and it's still excellent. I'm absolutely in love with the guy playing Arthur, Sam Rockwell is the best Zapod Beeblebrox in the entire history of Zaphod Beeblebroxes, Ford's little squealing towel-attacks were so perfectly done that I couldn't stop cackling, and Alan Rickman as the voice of Marvin the Paranoid Android was a stroke of pure genious. Altogether the movie is probably the sweetest, funniest, most loving and appropriate tribute to the late Douglas Adams that could have ever been devised by man (or mouse). I tear up at the end every time, just from knowing how much the man behind the legend would have adored it if he'd lived to see it hit the big screen.
Two last things: First, I have a new computer (Mac Mini!). SQUEE! It's so fast that the internet connection itself slows it down instead of the other way around. Therefore I can no longer complain about having a slow computer or use my computer's lack of capacity for new programs as an excuse to not do things or go to websites or whatnot. *sighs happily* My Mac Mini is sexy. This may require an icon...
Second and lastly for this disgustingly long post, I feel the urge to pimp my_sim_stories, which is so unbelievably hilarious that I believe I gave myself a hernia laughing. The ongoing saga of a bunch of Marauder-era Harry Potter sims played in Sims 2, including Remus the Rock God, James streaking through the dorms at Uni, gay (and engaged!) Sirius and Remus, and much Teen Woo Hoo *innocent whistle*.
I feel better now. Thank you, blank screen, for providing an outlet for my teen hormones, which I will now proceed to draw and quarter and stomp on until they're squishy little pieces because DAMN I hate having teen hormones.
to sleep, perchance to dream of fic plot? nah, not a chance.
-rave
All my friends are down and that's dragging me down. One friend's dog died and I live too far away to comfort her properly, and it kills me inside that I can only talk to her on the phone... we're both so phone-phobic. And another friend is quietly drifting away, becoming shallower and more judgemental with every passing minute, and the other day we actually got into an argument over whether a pair of pants could possibly be worth $225. And these weren't even impressive pants, either. I could have made a pair if he wanted them that bad, but I guess it was just the principle of the thing. I just couldn't believe he'd even argue for wasting so much money on an effing pair of pants.
He's gay, btw, and this reduction of character has been going on steadily ever since he came out. He complains about everything, he never smiles any more (and he used to be so happy...), he absolutely refuses to enjoy anything in life except what he makes for himself and those things always fall apart and that just makes him complain even more. He used to be a fun, open-minded person with whom I could argue and joke and lounge about to my heart's content. Now I dread going to history class because that's the first time I see him every day and I know he'll just suck the fun out of everything. He says he hates his mother and acts horrible to her all the time, and yes she's overprotective and more than a little ditzy but there's nothing wrong with her that I can see. She never stops him from doing anything he wants, but she doesn't ignore him -- I'd say that's a pretty good thing! I can't help but cringe every time he puts her down or says "fucking bitch" under his breath after hanging up with her on the phone.
It hurts so much to see him getting like this. I know it's not his natural state of being because I knew him before he got new friends and became the epitome of gay stereotype and emo-rebel-teen stereotype all squashed up into one. It's kind of disgusting, although I don't know if I could say that to his face. *headdesk* I need to confront him about it because I know -- I know -- that he wouldn't have to be as miserable as he acts if he just opened up a brain cell or two. But I don't know how to go about it and I don't want to lose the only friend I've got in this whole town who's actually "best-friend" enough that I could call him in the middle of the night. I love the boy, but he's driving me crazy.
I'm just really tired of dealing with it. I never had to deal with stuff like this before now. I've always been a loner, so I'm just not used to social heirarchies and small-town public school friendships. It's a big stress thing for me. EtE and various other stories get tangled up in this mess because I'm always so busy concentrating on not talking about them while I'm around school acquaintances, either because I'd be shunned or because the people who already know about them are sick of hearing me talk about them and would rather talk about themselves. I don't talk a lot in the first place -- no one wants to hear my geeky ramblings, they just want my homework answers and then they want me to shut up and go away, or else listen to their problems.
No one wants to hear that I have problems at all, because they find me disgustingly smart and creative and it's easier to complain about me than to try to match up to me.
Anyway. I've gone on longer than I meant to. I'm just tired, and all my innards have been in a twist over this for so long that I needed to vent, even if it was only to a blank screen. I guess I don't care if anyone replies. You don't know about my life and you don't need my problems, I know. No one does. But LJ is a lot better than real life, and that's so pathetic that I'm just not even going to think about it any more.
In other news, I saw the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie for the second time today and it's still excellent. I'm absolutely in love with the guy playing Arthur, Sam Rockwell is the best Zapod Beeblebrox in the entire history of Zaphod Beeblebroxes, Ford's little squealing towel-attacks were so perfectly done that I couldn't stop cackling, and Alan Rickman as the voice of Marvin the Paranoid Android was a stroke of pure genious. Altogether the movie is probably the sweetest, funniest, most loving and appropriate tribute to the late Douglas Adams that could have ever been devised by man (or mouse). I tear up at the end every time, just from knowing how much the man behind the legend would have adored it if he'd lived to see it hit the big screen.
Two last things: First, I have a new computer (Mac Mini!). SQUEE! It's so fast that the internet connection itself slows it down instead of the other way around. Therefore I can no longer complain about having a slow computer or use my computer's lack of capacity for new programs as an excuse to not do things or go to websites or whatnot. *sighs happily* My Mac Mini is sexy. This may require an icon...
Second and lastly for this disgustingly long post, I feel the urge to pimp my_sim_stories, which is so unbelievably hilarious that I believe I gave myself a hernia laughing. The ongoing saga of a bunch of Marauder-era Harry Potter sims played in Sims 2, including Remus the Rock God, James streaking through the dorms at Uni, gay (and engaged!) Sirius and Remus, and much Teen Woo Hoo *innocent whistle*.
I feel better now. Thank you, blank screen, for providing an outlet for my teen hormones, which I will now proceed to draw and quarter and stomp on until they're squishy little pieces because DAMN I hate having teen hormones.
to sleep, perchance to dream of fic plot? nah, not a chance.
-rave