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aaaaauuggghhhh- oh my frikkin lord this week has been absoulutly murderous, and theres more to go. do i go in order i jsut dont know. im waaaay too tired to know. okay well after all this furniture moving and uber crap, and nervousness and therapy and dealing with dr. bitch dumping me(psych.) i had to go to class wich as you can tell from my last entry i was ...oh,say just a touch nervous about- but i was actually upset as well this time. which both really bugged me and i sort of liked because there was no shit in front of it- or very little- so i knew i was upset because of how much i suck. i know that sounds negative but its actually really good as well. anyhow, so on my way to class near the police station, i see a huge mother fucking spider on my dashboard. oh by the way im severly arachniphobic- not girlie screaming casue theres a buggy- i m in therapy- im trying to deal phobic- so my initial instinct is to brake. and i did. and there was plenty oh traffic behind me. lucky for me event hough im a crappy driver when i need them my reflexes are quite good. so i dont die yet- but lady spider goes creeping across my car and i trid to get her with my sketch book but she gets in the space between the dash and the windshield- i dont know if shes dead(not by the way) but i do realize that im about to head through some metal barriers on the side of the road- so i swerve- and im fine but the guy behind me definatly wants out of this new situation. so i pull over and grab my lane coupons and like franticly try to get this spider-which i want you all to know is not something im usually capalble of- killing them i mean- especially not with anything but poison- so i actually get her- and its just grossness and guilt- so i hari christna it up- and keep driving- thinking im fine now- listen to some bach and chill- when i get to class( late but the second one there) the moment i walk in the building my teachers like what is wrong with you- apparently i looked like i just did crack- but i was totally unaware of it- so i met my new co-art, and when inside to begin warming up- as people arrived (all new holy crap!) i realized that i was so not gtetting calm i coulnt even stay flat on my feet- so i told rachel i had an idea grabbed my wicked cd and ran to the car. one strange and stressed singing of "for good" later- and i was doing a little b etter- and Yvonne, thank god, had shown up. not everyone showed- but the dynamic of this class is severly different then what im used to. in a class *like this were everyone is so opened and raw- every person that leaves or is added seriosuly changes it- but whats new beyond a lot of people is that so for i have worked in an extremly predominatly male enviroment-like 12 to 2 ratios. every semester. and last class it 4 chicks 2 guyus( one from last semester) it was soooo different. i kinda liked it. anyhow so-man i wanna keep going and it gets better i swear but im so tired- im losing words- i will give more tomorow- it actually made me feel a bit better writing this- tuesday was my good night even with the spider and the day and everything- cause wednsday and today went far into the depths of hello operator. anyhow marigolds and monkeys to you all.