A Pit of Sadness
I find myself going through extreme mood swings. Depression technically. One day I'm perfectly fine and the next day - sometimes the same day - life is no good. I go through periods of hyperventilating, crying for no reason, and a pit of depair in my heart. I find distractions to get through it. Laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc. The
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I totally understand your last line. I used to think happiness is a choice, and I thought happiness should be as simple as that (at least for myself, but probably for everyone). I think I still want to believe that, for myself, but I also know it is not based in reality.
Thank you for sharing this side of yourself ... one I could not have imagined. I am sorry to hear of your sadness. You have suffered a lot, and maybe healing takes time? I kind of felt that it took me about seven years to recover after losing my dad. Is that crazy? Everyone is different ... And this sounds like an even deeper sadness.
I must say that your short-term coping methods sound awesome ... much more healthy and beneficial than my own, which tend to involve chocolate.
But in the long term? That is tough. Does it help to journal or talk to others about the way you are feeling? Can you?
I hope today is a better day for you than Dec. 1 was.
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That weekend I realized that I needed to be around people more. I took my annual birthday/Thanksgiving vacation and hung out at the house mostly without a lot of interaction with people which didn't help. So I made sure to be around people during my annual two week Christmas vacation. Thankfully I haven't had weekends or days like that since that time frame. Sure I've been sad and cried, but I was able to point exactly to what triggered it instead of overall depression.
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